Compassion Overload (Burnout)

In October of 2006 I experienced what professionals refer to as 'Compassion Overload.'

What it really means is I finally had done it. Overdone it, that is.

For months I had overextended myself by working a full counseling schedule plus taking on a service project that pretty much consumed the rest of my time, thoughts, and energy. I was like the Energizer bunny except my batteries were running awfully low.

I noticed that it was getting harder to get out of bed; every day seemed to require more energy than I could muster up. I stopped being attentive to my own spiritual and emotional needs so that I could hyperfocus on what I felt needed to be accomplished.

I developed a facial tic. As I listened to clients share their deepest secrets I remember wondering if it was 'off-putting' that their counselor's right eye was twitching....

normally I'd have laughed it off but I'd lost my sense of humor.

Friends started asking me if I was all right. I'd shrug it off, thinking they were being overly sensitive. I was always all right. I was the professional, right? I was being encouraged by my co-workers to take some time off and relax. Take a rest. Take up a hobby like basket weaving.

But it got worse: I started crying for no reason. It got harder to follow what people were saying. My co-workers were watching me with concerned expressions on their faces.

Finally, I broke.

Normally the phrasing is that someone 'snaps' like a brittle bone. But that's not what I experienced.

I felt as if what worked only moments before simply couldn't function anymore; like a piece of machinery that had been reliable and productive suddenly seizing up and shutting down.

It began in a counseling session. It was a normal day in a normal week. I think I was in the 2nd session of the day (the details are fuzzy) and I had several more sessions scheduled.

As I listened to my client I noticed that her words were blurring together, becoming unintelligible. I peered at her to make sure SHE wasn't losing it.

Nope. It was me.

Excusing myself, I went into our work office and tried to call Patti, the administrative assistant. I got her voice mail. After leaving a blubbering message I tried calling several other co-workers but couldn't reach them either.

Not long after that, I found myself sobbing uncontrollably in our caregiving minister's office. I was surrounded by caring helpers who know me and whom I trust deeply.

I don't know how long I spent there but the result was this:

I was to go on sabbatical immediately. No thinking of work, no talking of work, no working.

I could not contact any clients (Patti would do that for me, referring them temporarily to other counselors). I was to allow my brain to untangle and to do that I had to let go of everything I'd grasped onto so tightly.

It took almost 8 weeks for me to begin to feel like myself again. During that time my confidence was shaken and I found myself depending heavily on my friends. My friend Joann came and stayed with me while Don was out of town to make sure I was okay and that I'd eat.

Patti formed a hedge of protection around me at work, taking the brunt of client's frustrations that they couldn't see me just then. Brian stood over me with an iron fist, enforcing my care when I tried to weasel my way back too soon. God bless them all.

Burnout is frightening. It makes you wonder if you're losing your mind. You wonder if it's permanent. You wonder if you're drooling.

But I've learned something very important: NO ONE is immune from the threat of burnout. In our busy world and frenzied pace it can happen to anyone. The irony is this: Burnout/Compassion Overload occurs when you get so busy you think the world won't turn without you. Imagine my surprise my first day of sabbatical when I looked around and the world was doing just fine. Without my input or permission.

It taught me that I was more valuable when I took care of my own needs. I've learned to be more finicky with my time and energy. I learned (gasp!) that God didn't NEED my help; He just LETS me help because it makes me feel good.

Burnout has definitely changed me. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but I feel it's given me the ability to recognize it's symptoms when I see them in someone else. I'm more careful with my own ministry and career. My health is more important. My life is more important.

My goals have changed. That's why I wrote my book, "Lord, Shut Me Up!" I want to share my expertise with as many people as possible so I can work smarter, not harder.

Please tell other people about my book and this blog. I want to be able to reach people and I just can't do it physically. There are just so many hours in a day and I've proven that I'm not "SuperWazzy."

I have written "Top Tips for Managing Anger" that I'd like to email to you if you request it. Send requests to me at stlwazzy@aol.com.

Take care of yourselves, my friends. Don't let this happen to you.

Ambition or Faith?

We walk a fine line between ambition and faith. Faith tells us to walk through open doors and take steps of trust in areas where God leads us. Ambition tells us to work every angle and push doors open by sheer will and hard work.

I struggle with the concept of ambition vs. faith quite often. Is God telling me to move ahead and market myself and my ministry or is it simply my own ambition?

I know myself; I know that I enjoy reaching people and touching lives that need encouragement and hope. But I've burned out in the past trying to do everything for everyone and all it really resulted in was lost time. And I'm left with the question: Was I operating by faith or ambition?

Many people in my age group (those who have been in the workforce for longer than 10 years) find themselves asking this same question. Many times they decide to keep striving, keep moving onward and upward in their quest for meaning in their lives. They find themselves in jobs they learn to hate because it pays well and has good benefits. Lifestyle choices convince them that they have to keep running on the hamster wheel of work and stress to maintain it.
When they get exhausted they resort to retail therapy, expensive vacations, toys, and finally, to therapy in the hopes of finding relief.

Is this what Scripture intended when it stated, "If a man does not work, neither shall he eat."?(II Thessalonians 3:10).

I don't think so.

Our faithfulness to God requires us to be obedient. Absolutely. But our society tells us that money will buy cool stuff and a great life, which is not necessarily true. Many folks I know have lots of money and are not as happy as we think they are.

This last week I asked several clients and friends if they thought God was subtle in their lives. Did they have to strive to hear God and feel panic that they had to stop everything to hear His 'still, small voice'?

Every one of them said no! God was not shy in any of their lives in guiding them into the right decisions for them. If anything, each one had to force themselves to sit back and relax until God led them. In the meantime, no one went without blessing- not one!

It reminds me of a conversation my daughter Kari had with a classmate in high school:
C: "So, Kari, do you have a job?"
K: "No, why do I want a job?"
C: "So you can get a car."
K: "Why do I need a car?"
C: "So you can get to work."

See the quandry? Are we to work too hard doing something we don't like to earn money to pay for stuff we're too exhausted to enjoy?

I want a legacy of proper investment in my life. That investment doesn't necessarily involve new cars (I'd love a new car!), or great vacations (I'd love a vacation, too). It does include being healthy enough to bless God and others, to have enough money to tithe, pay my bills, and donate a few bucks here and there when needed.

The answer to the question of ambition vs faithfulness = Which of the two choices bring contentment?
I Timothy 6:6 says, 'For godliness with contentment is great gain.'

I've decided to focus on contentment; God will certainly (and NOT subtly!) guide me in the work I am to do or to leave for someone else to accomplish.

Enough deep thought- I'm going to take a nap.