Goals vs Resolutions

Resolutions get a bad rap.

We think that to make a resolution is to vow to fail. How many of us well-meaning people start out the year promising themselves they'll become more perfect the coming year?

That can include not smoking or drinking, exercizing more,reading Scripture more often, becoming more friendly, being less of a jerk...

It implies that we're supposed to become a different person (only better?)once the clock strikes 12.

Then at 12:05 we mess up.

We feel like a failure and over time we refuse to make resolutions knowing it will only magnify how weak or undisciplined we are.

How we're stuck being who we are.

However, goals mean something else entirely. Goal weight, goal running time, financial or academic goals. Reading through the Bible in a year goals.
The word 'goal' is more hopeful. It doesn't imply failure but daily progress.

I encourage all of us (me too) to realistically accept that goals are future oriented rather than in the here and now.

I hate it when I tell dear hubby that I shouldn't be so moody and he responds by saying (wait for it) "Then DON'T."

I don't think he realizes how close I am to resolve to smack him in the head!

Just as we expect our friends and loved ones to respect our efforts and love us in spite of our failures I think we need to do the same thing for ourselves.

RESOLVE that you're going to set practical GOALS for yourself daily. Turn your back on expecting to be able to keep impractical RESOLUTIONS.

My days of wishing to be an olympic gymnast is probably not gonna happen. And that's okay. I don't want to intimidate the youngsters who still have that goal.

Contentment

Aren't people funny? We always seem to want what we don't have. When I was a kid I wanted to have dark hair and eyes and my friends wanted to be blue-eyed blondes. No matter what I had, what the other guy had looked better.

Even today I find that my clients fall into two categories:

Those who are trying to get into a relationship and those who are trying to get out.

We seem to think we're supposed to strive for more, better, best. Whatever we have and are isn't good enough to be satisfied.

A friend of mine is house hunting; recently we had a good laugh because most of the houses she liked were listed as 'starter homes.' We agreed that society assumes we're supposed to keep pushing and wanting something different. To be content is to be complacent.

Since I've been thinking about New Years resolutions lately I've noticed how inconsistent our goals are. There are people who want to do less or do more, purge or attain. Some folks want to change jobs or do a better job where they are. Most frequent responses were those wanting to be healthier (we used to call it 'lose weight.')

The fact is, we must learn to be content. Satisfied. At ease with who we've been created to be.

We need the ability to sit back and process what makes us who we are.

It's okay to do that, you know.

I was taught that it was bragging to think about myself positively. I learned the humility lesson early on. Evidently I was supposed to like myself fine but want to work hard to change myself completely!

Now I find an interest in developing myself and the talents I already have. I've shared some of those talents in previous blogs (and thanks to all of you readers who want to see me hula).

In my quest to refine my abilities I must accept that I have abilities in the first place.

This thought may resonate with you. (Not necessarily the hula part!) Spend some time listing your assets. Then think about which of those assets deserve more investment. What talent(s)

do you want to develop more fully?

Be content with what you have and enjoy the process in the meantime.

p.s. Props to my very talented friend C.H. who gave me an awesome sample of barbecued ribs. He is thinking about opening some sort of restaurant or catering business with his special recipe.

Seriously, I loved them and would go out of my way to get more. I'll keep you updated.

New Years Resolution Finale

I hope you've been following along as I've discussed New Years resolutions.

Of course, I want to encourage you to make positive life decisions for 2011 and beyond.
But sometimes it helps more to make negative choices. Believe me, I know that sounds weird but I can explain:
I will not walk on a major highway during rush hour because I don't want to get hit by a car.
I will not steal stuff from the store because I don't want to get arrested.
I will not swim with sharks because I don't want them to get indigestion.

I asked my hubby recently if he thought people accept Christ as their Savior because they
a) want to go to heaven
or
b) don't want to go to hell.

If you think it engendered deep theological debate you're wrong.
He didn't say anything.
I thought he didn't hear me or he was ignoring me again. Or his brain was deeply rooted in that NOTHING box we hear men have.
Let's get back to the point.
I finally shook him (I know he wasn't sleeping because he was driving). He shrugged and said,
"Who cares why as long as they do it?"
Deep thoughts...who knew?

Which brings me to the negative slant I've placed on my New Years resolutions this year. There are so many things I know I should be doing I get overwhelmed, sit down and eat chocolate.
Why even try when you know you're going to fail immediately? Thinking of what I won't do, however, gives me more to work with.
So along with my previous posts of resolutions I'd like to add one last one:

I will not make excuses

This falls in the realm of 'I can't_______ because it's too cold, too hot,too late, too early, too expensive, too hard, too frustrating, too boring, too challenging or too easy..."

You know what I'm talking about. Admit it.

Every time we're presented with something we just know we're supposed to do we come up with a myriad of excuses why we can't (won't) do it.

Here's another example:

"I'd have ________ but my husband boyfriend sister dog alarm clock car friend running and/or prayer partner didn't call text email fb remind tweet drive ring my doorbell to wake me up."

Suddenly nothing is your responsibility and it's all someone elses' fault.

So I'm over it. I'm over lying to myself and everyone whose life I influence when I make excuses for blowing it.
The truth throws people off balance but I'm willing to risk it. Not only will I resolve to not make excuses, I'm going to admit the truth:
I wanted to stay home
I don't want to go shopping
I'm lazy today and don't want to exercise
I want to eat this junk
I want to do something else.

Facing that truth will force me to choose my behaviors wisely. I won't make rash promises I will surely break the first chance I get. I refuse to use other nouns (people, places, or things) as scapegoats.
If I did it, said it,forgot it or refused to do it, I will admit it.

This concludes my New Years resolutions. I hope they make you think about your own resolutions. Let' s make 2011 a year of positive growth and maturity, even if we have to be negative to do it.