You're HOW Old???

Greetings from Ye Olde Funny Farm!

I just recently celebrated yet another birthday and I've made several observations:


You know you're getting old when:


Your friends admire your new orthopedic shoes

Even teenagers open the door for you

Waitresses automatically show you the back of the menu

When clothes shopping you find yourself saying, "It looks comfortable."

When you still have your favorite songs on cassette

Your adult children search your closet for the retro party they're throwing.

You can pretend you can't hear someone and they believe you

You find yourself comparing yourself to a peer and wondering if you look as old as they do

You realize a cute male model in a store looks like your grandson

When someone says your white hair looks good on YOU but THEY'D look too old

You see a photo of yourself from behind and you think it's your elderly aunt

Facebook pictures of your old high school friends show they've gotten older

You make fun of an old lady not dressing for her age and realize you're wearing the same shirt

While car shopping you skip over the red sports car in favor of the 4 door with more comfortable seats and is easier to get in and out of.

Those large print books and magazines at the library aren't funny anymore (and you find yourself cussing that the font size on your cell phone is miniscule)

and finally,

You know you're getting older when letting your hair go gray and you can't decide if you're embracing your age or giving up.


So my friends, thanks for the well wishes on my birthday and may I have many more!

See you later;I'm going over to a friend's house and steal her walking cane.

You're Hot, No, I'M Hot!

Our neck of the woods has been experiencing a serious heat wave these last few weeks. It's been a real challenge to adapt to the temperature.

For instance, I found out the hard way that you really shouldn't hide your Hershey bars underneath the car seat until at least September.

It's SO hot that instead of offering my clients a bottle of cold water, I offer them a teabag.

It's so hot the birds are knocking on my windows asking for ice cubes in the birdbath.

It's so hot my hubby suggested we buy some silk plants to stick in our garden to replace what used to be lush greenery.

It's so hot that yesterday I noticed that my elbows were sweating (really).

It's so hot you can't wear rubber-soled shoes because they melt on asphalt.

It's so hot the local swimming pool is being advertised as a jacuzzi.

It's so hot no one wants to be within 3 feet of anyone- due not only to the proximity but also the rotting smell of dead or dying deodorant.

It's so hot that restaurant patrons won't slide across vinyl booth seats in shorts due to the ensuing profanity; who knew how well vinyl can adhere to human skin?

It's so hot I get offended when I have to leave the house and realize my dog and cat are still in the house enjoying the air conditioning.

It's so hot that ice cream cones are served with straws.

Wait. I've got more.

It's so hot that wearing metal-rimmed sunglasses put you at risk for 2nd degree burns.

Pierced earrings are like campfire marshmallow forks.

It's so hot that you have to wear oven mitts to open the car door.


Have I given you the idea that it's very hot?

Being a Pundit

When you read the title of this post I bet you thought,

"What on EARTH is a pundit?"

The Free Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines a pundit as:

A person who gives opinions in an authoritative manner usually through the mass media: critic.

Those of you who are on Facebook have encountered a pundit; you know, those who opine about politics, religion, finances...

It seems like most folks who have access to any form of social media feel they know more than most when it comes to opinions. No matter if these people have any experience or education in these particular areas; they feel they have the right to express themselves freely (they often cite the Constitution as if they helped write it).

Personally, I get irritated when I'm reading a pleasant little feel-good article about someones' pet llama who rescues them from a burning building. Then when I scroll down to view the comments someone ALWAYS jumps in with a stupid job ad, a rude comment about a political party, or a nasty jab at someone elses' comments.

It makes me want to demand proof of their educational background. Are they political science graduates? Life-long politicians' kids? Are they stunningly slender due to a magic diet pill or doctors who've spent years learning about metabolism? Are they trained behaviorists who know all about llamas?

I tend to think most of the nasty ones are/were bullies in grade school.

But to be honest, I'm guilty of being a pundit myself. About lots of things. Without credibility to make me an expert.

I give my opinion about decorating. Clothing and hair. Whether the recipe needs more salt. Whether dear hubby should use a certain route when driving. Whether the preacher used enough Scripture in last weeks' sermon.

I get into trouble when I read up and study something, amass every bit of information about it, and never experience it myself. I could use my tendency to read cookbooks as a prime example.

For instance, I want to try to ski. Those of you who have read past blogs understand how foolish this desire is since I can't even stand on a flat, solid surface without falling down.

But I still want to try it. So I've read up on it, watched videos, talked about it to those who have skiied. You'd think I was an expert except for one thing.

I've never done it.

My credibility as a pundit crashes and burns on the subject of skiing.

Here's another example: Someone you know isn't living with integrity. They just can't seem to get it right. You know they need to align themselves with godly people, immerse themselves in church and study the Bible. You KNOW this is the right thing to do.

This knowledge should make you an expert/pundit except for one thing:

You haven't gone to church for months, don't know where your Bible is, and are more comfortable with the bar crowd than the church crowd.

Here's what I'm getting at:

If you want to be a pundit, you'd better make very sure you have action to back up your words. If you still want to expound and expand upon your opinion, DO something to make your words credible. Otherwise, keep your opinion/thoughts to yourself lest you become yet another voice that is all sound and no substance.

And that's my expert opinion.

Big Mistake-Big Forgiveness

I've got this puppy, see? His name is Teddy.

He's a floppy, clumsy, adorable mess of fur and slobber.

When I'm not looking he sneaks up to me and sits on my feet or lays down behind my chair. He doesn't like to be without his hoomans.

I'm humbled by his unwavering trust and pure joy in being with us.

Said humility was never so great as when housetraining this canine.

Teddy seemed to pick certain places to 'express himself.' Not one to be haphazard about his choice of pooping places, he would secretly secrete in a secret setting.

We tried the newfangled method of gently coaxing him outside and scolding him in love. We tried the sitting outside with him after a big meal and waiting for the 'end result.'

But no matter what we did, he still seemed to have this favorite spot to squat. Namely, under my desk in my home office. It was frustrating and I was sooo over this ball of cuteness thinking our carpet was his latrine.

And he always looked so innocent when I'd scold him; those big doggy eyes tried to melt my heart but I was unmoved...almost.

But one day I'd had enough. I found another jewel under the desk and decided to go all old school on the mutt.

I grabbed him by the collar, drug him into the office and rubbed his nose in the offending grossness. Then I pushed him outside to think about it for a while.

He was lucky I didn't ask him for an essay on the topic, "Why I shouldn't poop on Mommy's carpet."

So although I felt bad about the rough treatment I decided I'd done what I had to do. While Teddy was outside I went back to my office to continue working.

As I sat there, I noticed a strange sound and an even stranger aroma. I sniffed a sniff I'd hoped I'd never sniff again.

I was beyond mad. How stupid IS this dog? I slowly turned around to catch him in the act. With his pants down, as it were.

Except it weren't him.

It was our cat Shashe, who was obviously making a statement about us moving her litter box out to the garage. She looked at me and I looked at her.

And she ran.

But I felt sick. Not because of the offense; heck, I've had children and was no stranger to icky messes.

No, I felt sick because I had unjustly punished Teddy for what Shashe had done. I'd rubbed his nose in a substance that was not his, spanked him for it, yelled at him and pushed him outside.

I could barely look at him. How do you apologize to a dog? I mean, you can't take him out for a soda. You can't buy him an ipod or a skateboard. How could I make it up to him for being so unfair? I forced myself to walk outside to try to comfort Teddy, and to comfort myself.

He was looking at me. His head was cocked in curiousity and concern. For me.
As I walked up to him his tail began wagging, slowly at first, but then furously as he realized I was coming up to pet him and hold him.

I could see immediately that he held no grudges for being spanked. His thoughts and focus was on ME and how much fun he wanted to have with ME.
I knew right then I had experienced big forgiveness.

Let me challenge you with my story. Think about your hurt and anger when things don't go the way they should and you are treated unfairly. Try to consider that all the facts aren't revealed, that the truth will be discovered in time.

Oh,and never trust a cat.

True Relationships

Hey Everyone!

So far the sabbatical has been successful although it has taken me two weeks to feel relaxed.
I hadn't realized how wound up I really was until I was challenged to unwind.

Now that I'm becoming more lucid, I've been more aware of the meaningful people in my life.

I know it's always a challenge for someone to know what to do when a friend needs to chill out.

Do you walk alongside them and provide quality time or just leave them alone to fend for themselves?

I'm grateful that my friends have given me the attention or lack of attention I've needed so far.


The other day I was really down and overwhelmed. Tunnel-visioned frustrated.

You've all been there.

At the end of the day I received an email from a dear lady I've known most of my life. The email was a blessing note to tell me how much my writing has meant to her. It was like a soothing balm on an open wound.

I can't tell you how much that meant to me.

It made me analyze who was meaningful in my life and who just...wasn't.

Of course, my family ranks #1 (I'm supposed to say God does but I'm referring to the flesh and blood messy stuff).
I don't know what I'd do without my crew telling me when I'm being ridiculous (most of the time)or that they love me even if I do then to fall down a lot.

Then there are those friends who, over time, have shown themselves to be loyal,bossy, supportive and truth-telling even if I don't ask for their advice.

I've also noticed that those who are dearest in my life have been around for at least five years. Some have been present for well over ten years and some waaay longer.

If they'd been in the military most of them would have been able to retire with a great pension by now.

Some of them would have many purple hearts and a few would have at least five stars on their uniforms.

And I want to be a friend right back to them. I want the purple hearts even if I don't have a uniform to display them.

So as I rest and recuperate, here's a shout out to my dearest dear friends.

You know who you are.

Sabbatical

I have to admit it, folks. I've been having a tough 2012 so far. Not that any one thing has been tough; it's the accumulation of many things that got to me. In January I was told that my supporting church would no longer be supportive. That meant I had to go out on my own for the first time since earning my counseling license in 2001. That meant detail after detail and assuming responsibility for my business choices. You wouldn't BELIEVE how much goes into moving a business! Address changes, paperwork changes, letters, notifications, not to mention finding a suitable office you can afford. While that was going on my dear daughter announced she had purchased a plane ticket to move out to LA permanently and was leaving in late February. That was tough. On top of that, she was in a community theater presentation of 'Steel Magnolias' and was the character that dies in the end. Imagine my emotional state having my child die three nights a week and 2 matinees. I was a wreck. Then dear son-in-law moved out to LA to meet up with his missus. I felt a double loss. There were also a few work crises I had to deal with (I don't care if my grammatical usage is incorrect- more than one crisis is one too many). Thankfully, I had planned my sabbatical last Fall and knew I was taking the month of May off from work. Several times I didn't think I was going to last that long. So here I am, trying to learn how to relax. I've got a few adventures in mind plus some personal goals to tend to. Think of me as I allow my ears to stop ringing and learn how to speak in complete sentences again. Frankly, I'm overwhelmed at the prospect of having these days roll out in front of me with not much to do. Just wait 'till June...you won't know what hit you.

Goals vs Resolutions

Resolutions get a bad rap.

We think that to make a resolution is to vow to fail. How many of us well-meaning people start out the year promising themselves they'll become more perfect the coming year?

That can include not smoking or drinking, exercizing more,reading Scripture more often, becoming more friendly, being less of a jerk...

It implies that we're supposed to become a different person (only better?)once the clock strikes 12.

Then at 12:05 we mess up.

We feel like a failure and over time we refuse to make resolutions knowing it will only magnify how weak or undisciplined we are.

How we're stuck being who we are.

However, goals mean something else entirely. Goal weight, goal running time, financial or academic goals. Reading through the Bible in a year goals.
The word 'goal' is more hopeful. It doesn't imply failure but daily progress.

I encourage all of us (me too) to realistically accept that goals are future oriented rather than in the here and now.

I hate it when I tell dear hubby that I shouldn't be so moody and he responds by saying (wait for it) "Then DON'T."

I don't think he realizes how close I am to resolve to smack him in the head!

Just as we expect our friends and loved ones to respect our efforts and love us in spite of our failures I think we need to do the same thing for ourselves.

RESOLVE that you're going to set practical GOALS for yourself daily. Turn your back on expecting to be able to keep impractical RESOLUTIONS.

My days of wishing to be an olympic gymnast is probably not gonna happen. And that's okay. I don't want to intimidate the youngsters who still have that goal.