Courage to Change

Have you noticed how easy it is to encourage someone else to do something challenging, yet when you're the one being pushed to change it's an entirely different story?

I find myself constantly weighing and measuring what I say vs. what I do. I can acknowledge that it's one thing to urge a friend to try new things; it's easy to observe the outcome and, honestly, doesn't involve any personal risk.

But MAN, I seem to be reading from a different instruction manual when it's all up to me. Suddenly I can rattle off every excuse known to man why it's not going to work in my case. Any joy or excitement (or knowing God is blessing me) dissipates when I'm the 'chosen one.'

I remember when I was still in college- my best friend, Terrie, and I were very competitive about speech class. We were always somehow trying to get the best grades. In doing so, I think we motivated each other to a level of success I know I wouldn't have worked for alone.

Here's why:

Terrie loved speech, public speaking, and all things drama related. I, on the other hand, had stage fright and feared blanking out in front of my peers. The night before many speech days I'd pray for death, the Rapture, some freak accident. I'd beg the Lord to give the speech teacher amnesia. That there'd be a hurricane or tsunami that would somehow delay my turn in front of the class(without losing points, of course).

So, up comes a speech competition open to all students, but the speech students are required to enter. The best 10 speeches then got to speak in front of the entire student body (maybe 1,000 students) at chapel. Terrie was geared up for it, looked forward to it, and spent lots of time diligently preparing to move forward in the competition.

I, on the other hand, just focused on not forgetting my lines. That's all.

So the magical day arrives when they announce the 10 students' names; those chosen ones who will gleefully show their stuff in chapel on that special day.

I'm totally pumped- for Terrie. I'm all into encouraging her to accept she was going to be named and that she'd enjoy it. I strutted around acknowledging that I had a talented friend. I made a big big deal over pointing to her with a knowing look when the contestants names were being called.

And I was right! Terrie was named and I was so happy for her! She really deserved it.
But then... my name was called next.

So here's the point.

I totally wilted. I felt like the judge had just sentenced me to life in prison. I began crying in fear of having to move out of my comfort zone by speaking in chapel.

It was awful. My memories of those days and weeks in preparation are dim as I reacted in fear and looked at the challenge as a death sentence.

Back to now:

I'm being challenged right now to step out of my comfort zone. I'm excited and terrified. I can think of all the reasons why this step won't succeed. Depending on my attitude, I will either be a shining success or a dismal failure.

It's funny, really, how inconsistent we are. I have to be honest with myself to admit that the same rules of encouragement I apply to others must also apply to me. Stepping out in faith means believing God will sort it all out. My job is just to do the stepping.

I've got some stuff swirling around that I'm working on. Some new ideas and some risks I'm hoping to take. I'll try to keep you guys in the know about them.

By the way, I did fine in the competition. I prepared, walked forward when they called my name to speak, did what I could, and sat back down. I didn't win, but I lived to talk about it.

Some 35 years later.

Be Careful What You Say

Relationships can be confusing. If you're in one, have been in one, are heading toward one, or know someone whose in one you know what I mean.

One of the most difficult aspect of relating to someone else is being able to trust them, or to believe what they say over time.

I say that because I often observe the different stages of people in their relationships, from the initial 'are you for real because you're so wonderful' all the way to the 'you expect me to believe you for real?' stage.

We build our knowledge of our loved ones based on what they say and do. We want to know that our information is accurate so we can have a consistent picture of them. We look for traits and attitudes we admire.

So what happens when there is a disconnect between what they say and what they do? What if they are very opinionated yet very inconsistent in their own lives?

For example, I once knew a very conservative business owner who was definitely the head of the household. He had high standards for his family and they were very faithful in church participation. I admired them for their consistency.
Until I learned that in his business he sold cigarettes and alcohol along with his other products.

Now I don't want you to think I'm being judgmental; I simply wondered if I really knew this family- if this inconsistency was acceptable to them what else was I missing?

Recently I have heard stories of spats between couples because he doesn't want her to go out with her friends. She feels he's being controlling and disapproving of these friends.

She has forgotten about all the times he has listened to her gripe and complain and vent about these same friends to him; if he loves her he will feel protective and want to shield her from such negativity and bad influences.

Then she turns around and wants to go out with them and expects his blessing!

How confusing.

So it makes me wonder how many times I've been too liberal in my opinions and who I shared them with. How many times I've painted a black picture about people or things and then turned around and embraced them. Am I giving those who love me the wrong idea about me? Am I doing it so often they push me away because they can't believe anything I say anymore?

We need to filter what we say. Not out of over-protectiveness but rather, is it really true or a spur of the moment temper tantrum? Am I ultimately lying?

In this year of taking personal responsibility let me challenge you to consider your comments and behavior. Make sure you live what you believe. Don't expect your loved ones to know what you mean- say what you mean.

And then live what you mean.