California Dreaming

Hi Everyone!
I just got back from a week in California where the average temperature was 75-80 degrees.

Jealous?

Wow, I thought St. Louis drivers had a death wish.  Drivers in LA must do the 'bumper car' method of navigation: just keep going until you 'bump' into something.

Of course, that something could be a trash can, pedestrian, or another car.  It's all the same to them.

Fearless, that's what they are.  Or clueless.  Or just so self-absorbed and distracted they don't even know that their lives just passed before their eyes.

But I knew! It was amazing how many drivers tried to get into the same small place on the freeway.  Then I discovered that my braking foot was less cramped when I spent the ride either looking at the houses built high up or by staring at my knees.I cleaned my purse several times, too.  And checked my cell phone.

Don and I went to CA to visit dear daughter Kari and her hubby Gareth.  Plus our two grand-kitties.  We drove around locally in Sherman Oaks and went to the Santa Monica Pier.  There Kari and I watched both Don and Gareth take surfing lessons.  Poor Don was the oldest student on the beach and he worked so hard to keep up with everyone (personally, I thought he did great; I don't think I'd have even survived donning the wet suit...).

Of note was all the quality time I spent with my baby girl.  We shopped ourselves to death and I even tried on jeans (now THAT'S love!).  We talked and talked and caught up on life.  I bet we shopped everyday for at least 3 hours, more on other days.  Normally I would start whining about 2 hours into a shopping trip but this time I had the stamina of 10 men (or a mom with a preschooler).

It got me to thinking about situations we get ourselves into and how difficult the journey can be.  We feel isolated, exhausted and hopeless crawling through the challenges.  Sometimes even having 'encouragers' along doesn't help much, especially those who spout platitudes about how we need to trust and pray more.

But put us with someone who is meaningful in our lives, someone who knows us and is willing to travel with us and we can find that extra ounce of strength and courage to keep going. Those friends/relatives are few and far between but well worth hanging on to.  I hope you have such a person in your life.

Even to trying on jeans.

Indelible Words

Let's talk about tattoos.

In the 'olden days' only circus performers and military personnel got tattoos.

Now, it's rare that anyone over 18 is tattoo-free.  I find myself 'reading' people all the time; I figure if they went through all that discomfort to get the artwork done it's up to me to admire it.

But I can't imagine ever being committed enough to a design to have it permanently etched on my skin.  If I can't decide what earrings to wear with an outfit, I'm certainly not ready to pick out a tattoo.

However, many folks are more than eager to pick out something meaningful to carry with them the rest of their lives.  That's cool for them; I, on the other hand, am thankful I never got a picture of Donny Osmond inked onto my torso.

My computer recently displayed a photo that I can't get out of my mind.

The photo simply depicted a graceful woman's arm and hand, fingers apart. On the arm and hand was what looked like delicate lines of writing of some type.  The caption, paraphrased, said,
"Imagine if every word you spoke was tattooed on your skin."

It struck me that I was guilty of having a bad tattoo.  The words I speak at times are frivolous and meaningless, intended merely to take up space in a conversation.

Other times my words can be sarcastic or biting.  I would hate to have those words permanently displayed for the world to see.

But I also thought of the words I DIDN'T say- those words of comfort or encouragement.  The times I should have spoken about the Cross but I didn't.  I imagined blank patches of flesh unmarked by any words at all.

So my personal challenge is this:  I must be aware of my words, whether I say so many foolish things that the tattoo would have to be compressed and squished together so that they all fit in the area.

But I must also be mindful that not enough of the right kind of words can be a sterile slate.

Think about these things.

At the end of the day, do you want your indelible words to be beautiful or an embarrassment?

Pushing Through Our Faith

It's one thing to talk about what we believe. Many of us are true scholars when it comes to the tenets of our beliefs.

In Bible college, many of my classmates were downright smug that they could recite the kings of the Old Testament in order and describe the history of the ancient prophets.

Me, I still had to look up the location of Hezekiah in the index when pressured.

I've become aware of what a challenge it is to actually act on what we say we believe, especially when hard times hit.

Then, along with the rest of us (even those who have to 'cheat' by looking in the Concordance) most biblical scholars find themselves shaking in their boots at the prospect of believing it.

Lately, I've found myself really having to lean heavily on the words I nag my clients about:

God is Sovereign;He knows what's going on,
If God is God He will guide and protect,
Scripture says He knows your heart and He will provide your needs,

And the big one:
It has nothing to do with who you are, and everything to do with Who He is.

I've had to sit tight in situations that would normally make me run off and hide.

Lately it seems like all the encouraging words (the things I really believe) are being replayed in my mind despite my personal misgivings.

I've had to invoke the relationship God has promised me through His Word, especially the part about not having the spirit of fear (II Tim. 1:7). I've had to release my grasp on my opinions and emotions, fold my arms and allow God to show me what He can and plans to do in my life.

That last statement is funny, really. I wish I was as 'hands on' with housework, paperwork, and other tasks I'd rather not do as I am with wanting to have involvement in what goes on in my own life.

So, the challenge is not for God to prove that He can do what He says He can do.

The challenge is for me to let Him.

Internal Battles

No, I'm not talking about what happens when you eat cranberries and then have a gulp of milk (I did that...once).

I'm talking about the old habitual self-talk that whispers into your brain and makes you think it's the truth.

The self-talk that reminds you of all your old mistakes and embarrassments; the fear that what you thought happened may not have gone that way at all.

When those thoughts/fears arise, what do you do?

I used to think that any second thoughts or negative feelings were an expression of being realistic:

Maybe I missed some social cues at the time and beating myself up was a way of taking responsibility and reminding myself that I shouldn't get too cocky.

I've learned over time that those thoughts and feelings are very inaccurate. When I work so hard at making something 'not about me' I'm ironically MAKING it 'about me!'

It takes surrender and the willingness to accept what trusted others say about you until you've learned how to see it for yourself. I'm often surprised when my trusted others are more impressed with me than I am with myself.

But I believe God puts people into our lives to provide us a forum for feedback and encouragement. Sometimes there are several people and often it's just one individual who we can bounce ideas off of and know we can get a realistic opinion.

I know I'm not alone in these internal battles; almost all of us question our choices and interpretation of events. That's why I'm so determined to be one of the trusted ones in people's lives.

So as I go about my day, I will mentally wrap all my self criticisms up and stuff them way back in my pantry (I never go there anyway). I will take a deep breath, brush my hair out of my eyes, relax my shoulders, and move ahead knowing that this whole life thing isn't all about me anyway.

Event Update

New news for you:

In an effort to keep costs down and ease some planning pressure, I've decided to host my "Evening with Karen Wasoba" at my office conference area.

Official address is 4025 N. St. Peters Parkway, St. Charles, MO 63304

It's a smallish room but we're a creative bunch; the closeness will add ambiance...

So I've become aware of an undercurrent of excitement on the part of my friends and family. Many helpers have stepped forward and comments have been positive.

It's actually kind of weird to be preparing for this. Usually my speaking topics are very deep, serious, and spiritual.

Not this time!!

Let's hope you have as much fun listening as I'm sure I'll have sharing.

See you soon.

Overcoming Freakouts

Whew! I feel better now.

For a while there, the thought of trying to plan and perform in an event kind of made me freak out.

I almost swallowed my uvula.

But with the encouragement of good (?) friends, plans are still rolling to host 'An Evening with Karen Wasoba' on Friday, September 9.

The venue may change, so I will let you know when I find out for sure.

When I encourage folks to take risks and try things out, please know I'm aware of the fear and uncertainty such risks involve. It's freaky and scary and waaay easier to forget about it completely.

The point is to keep moving forward anyway.

I'm amazed by the positive comments I've received regarding this upcoming event.

It sounds like many folks are planning to attend and enjoy it. I'm also aware of how many potential hecklers will be coming. Those are the ones who forget I probably have a thing or two to say TO or ABOUT them...

Here's a warning:

Don't mess with a stressed woman who's menopausal; one hot flash and it's OVER!

I'm just sayin.'

Courage to Change

Have you noticed how easy it is to encourage someone else to do something challenging, yet when you're the one being pushed to change it's an entirely different story?

I find myself constantly weighing and measuring what I say vs. what I do. I can acknowledge that it's one thing to urge a friend to try new things; it's easy to observe the outcome and, honestly, doesn't involve any personal risk.

But MAN, I seem to be reading from a different instruction manual when it's all up to me. Suddenly I can rattle off every excuse known to man why it's not going to work in my case. Any joy or excitement (or knowing God is blessing me) dissipates when I'm the 'chosen one.'

I remember when I was still in college- my best friend, Terrie, and I were very competitive about speech class. We were always somehow trying to get the best grades. In doing so, I think we motivated each other to a level of success I know I wouldn't have worked for alone.

Here's why:

Terrie loved speech, public speaking, and all things drama related. I, on the other hand, had stage fright and feared blanking out in front of my peers. The night before many speech days I'd pray for death, the Rapture, some freak accident. I'd beg the Lord to give the speech teacher amnesia. That there'd be a hurricane or tsunami that would somehow delay my turn in front of the class(without losing points, of course).

So, up comes a speech competition open to all students, but the speech students are required to enter. The best 10 speeches then got to speak in front of the entire student body (maybe 1,000 students) at chapel. Terrie was geared up for it, looked forward to it, and spent lots of time diligently preparing to move forward in the competition.

I, on the other hand, just focused on not forgetting my lines. That's all.

So the magical day arrives when they announce the 10 students' names; those chosen ones who will gleefully show their stuff in chapel on that special day.

I'm totally pumped- for Terrie. I'm all into encouraging her to accept she was going to be named and that she'd enjoy it. I strutted around acknowledging that I had a talented friend. I made a big big deal over pointing to her with a knowing look when the contestants names were being called.

And I was right! Terrie was named and I was so happy for her! She really deserved it.
But then... my name was called next.

So here's the point.

I totally wilted. I felt like the judge had just sentenced me to life in prison. I began crying in fear of having to move out of my comfort zone by speaking in chapel.

It was awful. My memories of those days and weeks in preparation are dim as I reacted in fear and looked at the challenge as a death sentence.

Back to now:

I'm being challenged right now to step out of my comfort zone. I'm excited and terrified. I can think of all the reasons why this step won't succeed. Depending on my attitude, I will either be a shining success or a dismal failure.

It's funny, really, how inconsistent we are. I have to be honest with myself to admit that the same rules of encouragement I apply to others must also apply to me. Stepping out in faith means believing God will sort it all out. My job is just to do the stepping.

I've got some stuff swirling around that I'm working on. Some new ideas and some risks I'm hoping to take. I'll try to keep you guys in the know about them.

By the way, I did fine in the competition. I prepared, walked forward when they called my name to speak, did what I could, and sat back down. I didn't win, but I lived to talk about it.

Some 35 years later.

Spring is Coming!

Although Dave Murray, our local weatherman, says St. Louis will experience several 'false Springs' this year I am encouraged.

Yes, there are signs of Spring everywhere, from the pre-teens walking around sleeveless (oh, to be young again) to the clogged gutters on my house.

But I realize it's all temporary; we're not out of the woods as far as freezing rain and still more snow. That's when we wonder if the darkness will ever end. Will it ever be warm again?

This all too brief sunlit day is giving me enough hope to tough it out.

It's a reminder that soon, soon, soon, we'll have light, warmth and growth.

We can hang in there. We have hope and encouragement.

Let's bring these thoughts back to our everyday experiences:

When it feels dark and cold and dead we can be strong (or stubborn) enough to hang tight until the Spring comes. And it will come.

Soon.

Lessons Learned From a Bad Mood

So here I am at the end of a very long day and I have a confession to make:

I didn't want to go to work today.

Oh come on, don't act so surprised. I'm sure you've felt like calling in sick lots of times.
The problem is I'm my own boss.

I tried to convince myself I was coming down with something terribly contagious and for the good of mankind I should stay home.
Maybe I was going to have car trouble. Or maybe the weather was dangerous to drive in.
Or
Or
Or nothing. I had no excuse for staying home except I just wanted a do-over for the day.

Have you ever been so cranky you just want to avoid everyone? I have and it only feels so good to feel so bad for so long. Eventually you have to get out of your fuzzy jammies and brave the world in spite of yourself.

I hate that part when I have a good grump going on.

So today I forced myself to be a grownup and went to work despite my druthers.
And you know what?

Today I got to talk to someone who felt really scared about life. I also got to meet a person who just needs some encouragement. And someone else who was having family trouble and needed to vent. Another client had some transitions coming and needed to think out loud.

I love that stuff! By the end of the evening I felt downright reinvigorated. Great even.

Something about reaching out to encourage others encourages me. It helps me remember that life isn't all about me. To switch my focus from me, mine, to you, yours reminds me that God created us to help each other out.

Maybe you can't help anyone out this year financially. Not many of us can. But each one of us can give a part of ourselves to someone else. It could be your time to help someone put up Christmas lights. You could help someone wrap gifts or share extra Christmas cookies (hint!).
Just the willingness to listen to someone means everything.

So I did end up going to work but it didn't seem like work once I got there.

And I think the person who was helped the most was me.

What it Takes to Be a Counselor

I thought I'd exhausted the topic of counseling with my prior blog entries. I've already discussed why counseling is important, why you should seek counseling and what to expect at a session.

But I really need to address one more important concept:

What it takes to be a counselor.

It's an interesting phenomenon; most of us simply don't understand the interests or passions of others. There are introverts and extroverts, thrill-seekers and folks who just enjoy weekends at home with their recliners and remote controls.

After counseling 10+ years I'm convinced we therapists are thought to be in the same category as dentists:

"I could never do what you do," is a phrase I hear quite often.

Those of us who feel that being a counselor is akin to a 'calling' are often surprised that not everyone would be as thrilled to be in our shoes as we are.

It does take a certain type of person to counsel- someone who has most likely experienced pain in life and has somehow survived it. It doesn't take an intellectual introvert (I am neither of those), or someone who knows how to fix everyone's problems (I think I do but my family has convinced me that I DON'T know everything!).

What it takes is the ability to encourage people whatever the issue and teach them better ways to handle obstacles. Encouragement allows the person to freely think and feel without fear of criticism.

Another vital trait is acceptance. Fear of criticism keeps many people paralyzed in their lives. Knowing that their therapist will listen no matter what and accept them on good days and bad days is invaluable.

I have been on both sides of the counseling desk just as most therapists have; I have been helped immeasurably by therapy. I realized that I could use my enthusiasm and yes, even pain, to guide other people who felt trapped by the same problems. I understood immediately that my own healing, if you will, made me able to help others in similar situations.

Counselors are a weird bunch. Now, those of you who take themselves seriously know I'm not referring to you...

but the rest of us enjoy being involved in peoples' lives. We care deeply about our clients and their families and friends. We think about them when we aren't at work.

But one thing we choose to accept is that we can't solve anything FOR our clients. We can't make life-changing decisions FOR them. So we practice leaving our concerns at the office. It requires a measure of toughness to do so.

There was a time, not too long ago, when I couldn't leave my work at work. My empathy-meter got overloaded and my work suffered. I thought I was being a caring helper but soon discovered that my lack of objectivity was actually harming my clients.

I'll be sharing that experience in my next blog update.

One last thought: I remember interviewing my own counselor, Dr. Dan Wilkinson, regarding his own attitude about therapy. He smiled at me, chuckled, and said it was "as easy as breathing."

Since I was new to my studies and very challenged I thought he must have been especially gifted to feel that way.

Now that I've a few years of counseling experience, I know exactly what he meant.