New Years Resolution Continued

This isn't a threat or a dare but I wonder how many new resolutions I could come up with throughout the year.

Resolutions are like goals but seem be more important than that. I know I know, most of us don't even make resolutions anymore. We get tired of failure.

Perhaps we define goals as 'wishes,' while resolutions seem more concrete. Wishes are dream-like, I think. Rarely do we believe our wishes will come true.

I used to wish that I could be happy and be appreciated for my natural abilities.

I desired to be seen as an asset in most situations. I wanted to be admired as a leader, whether it be teaching VBS, singing in a trio or duet in choir, or chosen to be in the school play.

So here's the weird part:

Each time I'd get asked to do those things you know what I'd do?

Turn it down.

I'd say, "Oh, no, I can't do that. I'm not smart enough, talented enough, organized enough..."

Then when someone else would be chosen or volunteer for the job I would kick myself.

"What is WRONG with you? You dummy! You know you wanted to do it, you have the time and the ability. WHY did you refuse?"

Of late I've been able to accept assignments more graciously. There's still a struggle as my natural reflex is to be irritatingly humble.

So here's my next resolution:

I will not downplay my abilities

I will be the first to admit that there are many things I can't do: I can't play a musical instrument, I can't ride a skateboard, I can't even touch my toes all that well! Numbers fog my brain and memorization leaves me in a cold sweat.

Each of us has a list of abilities we acknowledge we just don't have.

Yet...not one of us is entirely hopeless. In fact, as a demonstration of this resolution I will name a few of my own talents.

As I do I want you to think of your own.

I can:

sew

knit

groom dogs (yup)

hula

decorate

spell

make caramels

wiggle my ears

encourage others

scrapbook

tap dance

drive a stick shift

ad lib

paint

drywall

write

teach

cross stitch

can tomatoes

How did you do? I bet we possess way more abilities than we can even list if we gave ourselves a little time to think.

So here's the challenge:

Determine that you will NOT automatically refuse any task, invitation, or leadership role for fear you will look arrogant if you accept it. Practice a safe response such as, "Let me think about it and I'll let you know." And then really think about it...and really let them know.

Refuse to buckle under old habits of false humility; stand there calmly and listen. Unless someone is inviting you to do something unethical or immoral you have every right to believe you can accomplish it.

As you gain the assurance that you are fulfilling your abilities it will get easier. Really. Who knows what else you will discover you can do?

Remember that you don't have to accept everything that get's offered to you. Busyness will distract you and only lead to new resolutions for 2012.

Will you join me in this resolution? We may be surprised by the opportunities that open up once we determine to not downplay our abilities.

New Years Resolution Part Two

I have challenged myself to step up to my obstacles in 2011. We have all been taught to expect the unexpected (if the unexpected is to be expected won't that make the unexpected expected?).

Anyway, I am going to add another resolution to my list:

I will not downplay my neediness

The word 'neediness' takes a bum rap. It conjures up visions of someone clinging relentlessly onto someone or something and implies weakness. It is unwelcome and unattractive to us.

Yet I fear that when I display utter competence in all things I'm misleading people. While I don't want to appear weak and drooling to folks (I only drool in the privacy of my own home...) thus earning lack of respect, I don't want those dear to me to feel unimportant or distant.

Because the people in my life are important. They hold me up when I'm discouraged and hold me down when I get frantic. Oh, what wisdom it takes on their part to determine the difference!

In freely showing my neediness I am demonstrating that I choose to be vulnerable. I want to affirm them when they sense something is wrong and reach out to me to help.

Tell me if you've heard this one before:

Friend: "Are you okay? Is something wrong?"

You: "Yes, sure (sniff sniff rub nose on sleeve). I'm fine."

Friend: "No, really. Is there anything I can do to help?"

You: "No, I'm just fine (blot eyes with tissue). It's all good."

I've had the above conversations more times than I care to admit. Each time I thought I was being a brave little soldier. I was pulling myself up by my bootstraps, I was getting over it, moving on, developing a thick skin.

What I didn't realize each time was that my loved one was correctly tuning in to my heart and reaching out to help me emotionally.

And I slapped their hand aside.

Then, alone in my car, dorm room, apartment, stall in women's bathroom I would bewail the fact that no one ever cared for me.

Uhh...what?

So in 2011 I will not downplay my neediness. When I feel empty and alone I will reach out to a friend and/or loved one. I will share my heart. I will not deny someone their desire to help and bless me. I will be truthful when someone genuinely wants to know if I'm okay when I'm really falling apart.

Public drooling is allowed but I will attempt to be discreet.

New Years Resolution Part One

When you get to be my age (black and white tv,3 channels) there are more examples of resolutions that didn't get very far.

There were the well-meaning promises to be nice, to be helpful to my mother, and to keep my room clean that didn't make it past the first week or so.

Then came the vows to do better in school, to be popular, to perfect a hobby, and to quit being sassy. Again, those vows went kaput.

I moved on to more meaningful, deeply spiritual promises. I would read the Bible faithfully, I would become a prayer warrior, I would evangelize the world. That one died when I lost my Bible and finally found it three months later under a cushion in our living room.

Next came the self-improvement resolutions: no candy, no soda, no junk food, more good food, more exercise, more make-up, more beauty regimens. This one probably took up more of my mental energy as I always renewed my promises but always failed to meet my own standards.

For many years thereafter I gave up resolutions. I self-righteously believed that if I was supposed to be doing something good I shouldn't have to have a special Day to begin doing it.

What a cop out.

So here's what I've been thinking lately: I'm really good at knowing what I'm supposed to do but not doing it. It'sbeen an excuse for me to do nothing; I mean, where do you begin with a list that long?
I'm convinced that most of us are aware of what we SHOULDN'T do in our lives. We know we shouldn't stick our tongues out at people, shouldn't skip in line, shouldn't interrupt. Self-control seems to be the best method for personal growth.

So here goes:

I resolve that I will not shirk my responsibilities.

By that I mean when I become aware of a task that needs to be done I will not pretend I don't see it. There is the obvious meaning of chores and laundry and picking up stuff.

But there's also the habit I have of overlooking my value as a child of God. Of not stepping up and accepting my responsibility of being loved.
So many times I find myself avoiding a blessing because I'm convinced it was meant for someone else. I joke my way out of it or use diversion instead of basking in it.

There are requirements involved with this resolution. The main one is to receive and enjoy that love. Another one is to not freak out when faced with such an honor. Don't downplay it.
It is what it is.

I also resolve to not avoid my relationships with other people for fear they aren't being equally blessed.
I need to remind myself that relationships are a great way to learn about ourselves, good or bad. Do I refresh my friends? Do they refresh me? Am I able to tell them the truth and can I hear it from them?
The same goes with family members. We will not always get along. But when I shirk my responsibilities I am making a statement with my behavior that they will never change. I categorize them and take away our future together.

Enough said. I have more resolutions to share with you in future blogs. But I want to challenge you to think about your own 'non-resolutions' this year.

What won't YOU do?


(Don't forget to pass this blog along to your friends and family. Who knows what might be the right word at the right time?)