When I Was Your Age

It's true:

The older you get the smarter your parents become.

I know this is true because I hear myself saying the same things to my kids my fuddy duddy parents said to me.

Things like:

Be careful
Just wait until (fill in the blank)
When I was a kid
It's my house and I can say what I want
If you don't work you don't eat.

I'm realizing that such comments weren't meant to criticize or demean me. They were intended to reach across the years of experience and hard knocks to perhaps help me avoid doing some pretty foolish things.

I wonder how the folks felt when I did something foolish anyway.

So as I share old fogey-isms with my own kids and anyone else within earshot,let me challenge you to listen to yourself as you speak to your loved ones. Make sure your words are meant to guide and not to demean.

In the stillness of your heart, utter a blessing to those who have invested into your life words of caution and experience.

Then maybe you'll appreciate your life, your job, your church, your family and friends and be thankful for them.

Be careful
Look both ways
Chew your food
Don't talk with your mouth full
Eat your vegetables

One day you'll thank me.

In Honor of April Fools Day

I love pranks.

Not the pranks viewed on tv reality shows that delight in frightening or embarassing folks. I can't even watch those because it makes me uncomfortable. No one wants to be made to look foolish.

No, I love the pranks that push the envelope a little but show forethought and a little preparation. Like the old pink flamingos in the yard trick. And the forking the lawn trick. I think tp-ing the office is cute. I once saw an entire house wrapped in cellophane but there might have been a deeper reason for that...

A friend of mine once got into my office and replaced all my pictures with photos of her and her husband on a cruise. Her in a bathing suit. My shelf suddenly had sex manuals and viagra samples displayed on it. One time same friend took an unflattering photo I had given her (of me after having fallen asleep among some chocolate chips-indescribable) and had them made into Christmas cards.

THAT took planning!

When my best friend turned 40 I had an old grade school photo of her published in the local newspaper. We dressed up as grannies one year for our bosses' birthday; each patient brought him a sympathy card.

My most favorite prank occurred when my kids were in high school: One evening my son Ryan went to his car to fetch something. In a flash he was back inside laughing hysterically. "I've been PRANKED!" We all rushed outside to see the carnage; it was memorable.

While we were all inside the house that evening, someone had come up to our driveway, taped off a pattern on Ryan's hand-me-down car (blue 1992 Acclaim) and spray painted a fluorescent orange racing stripe along the hood, top, and trunk and added #7 to the side. We never realized it was happening.

Years later we learned that the culprit was a band-mate of Ryan's. It was awesome.

Ryan drove that car proudly for years afterwards.

The spirit of fun made the prank a good one. The display of good humor while shaking up normalcy a bit is almost flattering; I mean, only someone who really knew us would take the time to plan and follow through on something like that.

So on this April Fool's Day, think about someone you like, know, and want to kid a little. Grab the flamingos, cellophane, balloons, photos, spray paint (sparingly) toilet paper, plastic forks.

Then get out there and 'bless' somebody.

Feedback and Suggestions

I'm really intrigued by how this blog works.
Apparently if I write something over here in St. Louis, anyone in the world with a computer can access it.
How cool!
So far I've had readers from Russia. Brazil, Malaysia, Canada, and far away states here in America. I hope my thoughts and suggestions are useful but I may never know.
That's why I'm asking for suggestions.
What topics are important to you? Where am I hitting the mark and what isn't helping?
I'm speaking from my heart each time I blog, praying that someone will be blessed or motivated by what I write. I do care about my readers, even the ones I'll never meet.
So help me out here, gang.
While I continue writing what I feel God has given me, feel free to let me know how I can help you. Let me know if I'm hitting the target once in a while.
Thanks for reading and I look forward to hearing from you.

Blessing Journal

Lately I've noticed how easily we focus on the irritations and crummy things that happen to us throughout our day; the green lights missed and the coffee spills on the furniture. What we forget is that for every negative occurrance there are probably three or more positive experiences we overlook.

That is why I strongly suggest we all keep a blessings journal.

A blessings journal is a special notebook for each person to keep. It can be as simple as the back of an envelope or as formal as a leather bound notebook kept under lock and key.

The point of the journal is to record the blessings, or positive experiences, each day brings.

Now I know some of you are saying, "Oh, Karen, I barely have time to brush my teeth and you expect me to have time to sit down and write into a journal every day?"

Not exactly. I can't sit down for an extended length of time and write in flowery language each and every thing I observe. That would last...not at all.

I can't do it.

But I can grab my journal and write:

Lunch with Bernice.
Sale on mukluks.
Exfoliation successful.

What I notice in people who have begun a journal is that their outlook is beginning to change. They are looking for entries to put into their book. They begin to notice when something happens they would normally overlook. Good stuff.

What follows is a change of heart and attitude that does a lot for their state of mind. I've seen the most negative person motor along with a lift in their spirit as they keep their eyes up rather than down.

One of the greatest thing about keeping a journal is that when things do turn dark and we stumble, we can reread our blessing entries and be reminded that life is good after all. It gives us strength to keep going and expect the tide to turn once more.

I want you to try my idea and see what you think. Keep a list for a few days and reflect on how you feel at the end of the allotted time. It can be simple and you don't have to share it with anyone.

I guarantee you will feel more energized and hopeful. You might even find yourself logging comments made by friends and family wondering what has caused your change of heart.
And wouldn't THAT be a blessing?

Mad At God

There seems to be a theme here.

After interacting with individuals with a wide array of issues I find that many hurting people are mad at God.

I understand how they feel; I'm familiar with the checklist I go through when I'm in a trial:

Hmmm, is it me?

I've prayed

Gone to church (most of the time)

Tithed faithfully(sometimes)

Haven't cussed (much)

Read my Bible (I can still get caught up on my reading the Bible in a year...it's still January)

I haven't said or done half the things I've wanted to say or do.

So if it isn't me it has to be my husband, ex husband, environment, genetics, economy that has caused this great trial.

God certainly can overlook that, see that I'm an innocent bystander here, and get me out of this.

Ok. I'm still waiting.

What's going ON here? Doesn't God care I'm suffering here? Why doesn't He answer my prayers to change my wife, boss, children, circumstances? Isn't that what He's supposed to do?

By this time we wonder if God is playing chess using us for a pawn. We start to withdraw our prayers or the tone of them changes to accusation:

"So God, I KNOW you said you're my heavenly Father and You'd take care of me. Well, I need taking care of but you don't seem to be listening. This isn't cool, God. Where are you?"

Then we get resentful in our attitudes.

"Well. It's me again. I'm still struggling if you care to know. I'm going to stop praying for a while because you evidently aren't listening. I'm going to save my breath for taking care of my own problems since you're obviously off somewhere else."

Does this sound familiar?

This is the stage many folks are in by the time they decide to seek counseling. Not only do the clients feel the exhaustion from trying to survive the trial but also the pain of feeling God is letting them down.

They feel awful (and somewhat self-righteous) when they admit their anger at God.

So here's the thing.

God's not gone. He's not distracted or disinterested in you and your difficulties. If He has numbered the hairs on your head (Luke 12:7) He's committed to you.

And He's not mad at you for feeling this way. True relationship involves the ugly side like warts and bandaids and bodily noises. God created you and is committed to you for the long haul.

But we need to keep moving ahead and not giving up. We must maintain the belief that 'I don't understand it but I accept it.'

Keep your dialogue with God open and say what you think- because He already knows how you feel. Be real. Be mad. Be faithful.

Then be aware of a change in your outlook. Maybe that encouraging phone call from a long lost friend was more than just a phone call. Perhaps that extra time you somehow found to read a book wasn't an accident. I seem to get reminder visits from hummingbirds.

We can't predict how God will answer our prayers or take care of us. I'd love to share with my readers the many times God uncurled my tightly clenched fists to fill my hands with blessing.

Even when I was mad.

New Years Resolution Part Two

I have challenged myself to step up to my obstacles in 2011. We have all been taught to expect the unexpected (if the unexpected is to be expected won't that make the unexpected expected?).

Anyway, I am going to add another resolution to my list:

I will not downplay my neediness

The word 'neediness' takes a bum rap. It conjures up visions of someone clinging relentlessly onto someone or something and implies weakness. It is unwelcome and unattractive to us.

Yet I fear that when I display utter competence in all things I'm misleading people. While I don't want to appear weak and drooling to folks (I only drool in the privacy of my own home...) thus earning lack of respect, I don't want those dear to me to feel unimportant or distant.

Because the people in my life are important. They hold me up when I'm discouraged and hold me down when I get frantic. Oh, what wisdom it takes on their part to determine the difference!

In freely showing my neediness I am demonstrating that I choose to be vulnerable. I want to affirm them when they sense something is wrong and reach out to me to help.

Tell me if you've heard this one before:

Friend: "Are you okay? Is something wrong?"

You: "Yes, sure (sniff sniff rub nose on sleeve). I'm fine."

Friend: "No, really. Is there anything I can do to help?"

You: "No, I'm just fine (blot eyes with tissue). It's all good."

I've had the above conversations more times than I care to admit. Each time I thought I was being a brave little soldier. I was pulling myself up by my bootstraps, I was getting over it, moving on, developing a thick skin.

What I didn't realize each time was that my loved one was correctly tuning in to my heart and reaching out to help me emotionally.

And I slapped their hand aside.

Then, alone in my car, dorm room, apartment, stall in women's bathroom I would bewail the fact that no one ever cared for me.

Uhh...what?

So in 2011 I will not downplay my neediness. When I feel empty and alone I will reach out to a friend and/or loved one. I will share my heart. I will not deny someone their desire to help and bless me. I will be truthful when someone genuinely wants to know if I'm okay when I'm really falling apart.

Public drooling is allowed but I will attempt to be discreet.

When You Experience Stress

Stress? What Stress??

Everyone talks about holiday stress and laments the endless tasks needing to be done.

However, I submit to you that there would be no stress if there were no people in our lives to create stress.

Think about it: Why do we stress out? Because we want the season to be momentous for our friends and family. We want our parents to know we love them by including them in our festivities. We want our children (0f every age) to enjoy family traditions and be able to smile genuinely when displaying their gifts for photo ops.

We even have gifts and stockings for our pets, for Pete's sake! In our family, we have to wait until the dog and/or cat chew open their wrapped gifts before we can tackle ours.

Don't judge us; I bet most of you do the same thing.

So when we experience stress, we must first of all acknowledge that most stress is of our own making. If we're going to lose sleep making mental lists of gifts and of time tables, let's first admit we do it not only for them but for us.

I get a kick out of finding the right gift for the right person. I stress myself out in the quest for the perfect item. When all is said and done, however, I notice that most of the time the gifts are insignificant compared to the experience of the Christmas holiday itself.

Let's focus more on WHY we're doing all of this in the first place. Is it to impress everyone with our ability to 'deck our halls' or is it to celebrate the reason we even hold this holiday dear?

I need to work on this every day of the year. Why do I do what I do? Who am I trying to impress? Will it matter? Will it bless? Will it have a positive influence?

If the answer is 'no' to a single one of these questions maybe some change is in order.

If the stress is self-inflicted the cure must be self-inflicted as well. Behaviors that leave us clutching our chests in panic don't bless. If they don't bless they don't benefit anyone.

Let's be willing to redirect our goals this holiday season. Think about the memories you want to make in your family and with your friends and work toward that.

Since we can't change our reason for stress, let's change our attitude towards it.

Wedding Blessings

Hey everyone!

I wanted to share really quick how God worked His stuff in the planning of Kari's wedding.

There are a few things I do well; I can create and I can execute plans. But I can't do both of those things at the same time...

It used to bother me that I couldn't do everything to perfection. Believe me, I tried.

But there comes a time when you have to learn something reeaally important:

Delegate!

I've got some amazing friends who stepped in to contribute their talents to the festivities:

One extraordinary seamstress who not only made the bridesmaids dresses but also got me out of a jam (literally!) when the zipper on my dress broke,

An amazing baker who created the most delicious and beautiful cakes I've ever seen,

An excellent caterer, a horticulturist, and bridesmaids who know a thing or two about hair and make-up. One dear friend who was a one-woman support system making sure everything could happen in the first place...

Everything fell into place (or fell apart) as it was meant to and the ceremony and reception went off almost without a hitch.

I want to make sure I thank everyone who made my daughter's wedding so special.

What a great team!

Stop Sleeping on the Floor!

Christian service sometimes feels like a competition: How heavy can we make our workload before we prove that we are spiritual enough? We exhaust ourselves with ladies' meetings, Bible studies, committees, banquets, revivals, etc., in an effort to validate our worth.
All the while we long for rest, yet rarely accept it when it's offered to us.

In my counseling office, I speak to many exhausted Christians who want to get off the hamster wheel of ministry and yet fear the downtime it offers.
What will people think? What will God think? It seems selfish to need time to rest and recharge our batteries.

Most of us lack an understanding of our own motives and why we think we need to keep ourselves so harried. Sometimes fear keeps us pushing and striving to BE someone to God. While we strongly deny that we're trying to work our way into God's good graces, the fact is we don't want to take any chances.

We know we're accepted as we are and are assured of our place in heaven if we accept Jesus Christ into our hearts. But many of us still feel we have to overwork to show God how much we appreciate it.

I equate it to someone who's received a really wonderful gift; she's grateful and so sends a Thank You card to the giver. The giver responds with a Thank You for the Thank You. Then the recipient sends ANOTHER card thanking her for the Thank You for the Thank You!

Have you ever had that happen? I've had folks who've almost made me regret the initial kindness because the gratitude threatened to smother me after while.

I'm not suggesting that God grows tired of our praise and gratitude; He's very aware of the value of the gift. It just seems as if we neglect the freedom we are to enjoy due to that gift. There is a sense of having to repay the debt, which is something we can never do.

It can be very difficult to cut back on our Christian duties and allow someone else to lead, to bless us instead. After all, we were taught to be servants in His field. The problem comes when everyone is a servant and no one allows themselves to be served. Scripture states that we are to serve and be served (Galatians 5:13). Many times we take the hard path and don't allow ourselves to just sit and be blessed. It just isn't right to want that kind of care and attention.

For years I felt that service meant to press on and on. Over time I found myself grumpy and anxious. Then one day the Holy Spirit brought to mind how exhilarating it felt to bless someone and how lousy it felt when it wasn't accepted.

For example:
Imagine that you are expecting a dearly loved and long-awaited visitor. You gussy up the guest room, putting on the finest sheets, blankets and pillows. You purchase special indulgences for the guest bathroom in honor of this persons' importance in your live. You don't rest until everything is absolutely perfect.

Your guest arrives and you enjoy a wonderful but tiring evening together. Ushering her to the special guest room, she gushes enthusiastically over its decorations and thoughtful details. You go to bed thrilled at the opportunity to show this loved one how much you appreciate her.

The next morning arrives and you rise early to prepare a tasty breakfast. Going to the bedroom door, you knock and notice that you don't hear any movement inside. Concerned, you open the door a crack and peek inside.

You can't believe what you see! The beautiful bed that you so painstakingly smoothed and arranged for your company is untouched; not a single pillow or blanket has been disturbed.

Instead, you see your guest huddled on the floor in a pile of dirty, used sleeping bags you'd stored in the back of the closet. Opening her tired eyes, your guest sweetly says,
"Oh, it was too pretty to waste on someone like me!"

Aren't we like that with God? He has prepared a place for us, and has assured us of His loving care and desire to bless us. In return, we sigh and keep on working and striving, all the while ignoring the gifts He provides. Gifts such as love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness and temperance (Galatians 5:22,23).

I know how aggravated I get when my gift is deemed 'too special' to use and enjoy. I'm convinced that there are dresser drawers everywhere holding extravagant gifts to be used 'someday.' And I'm equally convinced that there are disappointed loved ones who would rather see their gift being used than being stored for later.

How about you? Do you consider God's gifts too special to be enjoyed on a daily basis? Do you find yourself sleeping on the floor, and not nestling into the life of peace and joy God wants you to enjoy?

I urge you to consider your own need to be ministered to as well as to minister. Sleeping on the floor is not a way to express gratitude for the life you've been given. Use the blessings, roll around in them and breathe deeply once in a while.

Think of all the money you'll save on Thank You cards.

Christmas Cheer Overload

I have finally experienced too much of a good thing.
We decided to pare down the gift giving for the 2009 holiday season.

The rules were simple:

$10 limit per person. However, each item had to be handmade, resale, pre-owned, repurposed or purloined from someone else (my idea of purloined is asking a friend if they had something they no longer wanted that I could have). The only stipulation was that each gift had to be nicely wrapped-and the paper had to be old/used/pre-owned as well.

I admit I had a blast obtaining items from random places and wrapping them up. There was a reckless abandon in finding things and hiding them. And I like to believe everyone else had fun as well.

Here's where the problem arose.

We put no limit on the number of gifts each person should receive. So when I had 5 gifts for one person that had little or no cost, I kept looking for ways to spend that $10 on them. I think everyone else had the same thinking, especially when we looked at the Christmas tree and the gifts were spilling out into the middle of the living room. It must have taken us several hours to unwrap everything till it got ridiculous.

Too many blessings! So many cool things we either couldn't remember what we had or couldn't fully appreciate them all. Seriously, we all looked a little exhausted as we viewed the mayhem and madness after the fact.

Over the last week I've been reliving that experience, of feeling overwhelmed with TOO MUCH good stuff. It got me to thinking of how God sometimes metes out our blessings in tiny amounts and we wish He'd be more generous. We look at other folks who have things we'd like to have or have the funds to do things we'd love to do and wish we were blessed like that. We're so certain we can handle it.

But I'm not so sure.

How pointless it would be to receive so many blessings we can't absorb them all. I'd hate for them to go to waste, wouldn't you?
And I'd hate to take anything for granted in the blessing process. I want to enjoy it ALL.

I'm already planning our holiday rules for next year. As much as I loved all the time and attention my family lavished on me this year I want it to be more measured next time. I want to oohh and ahhh over every item and hear the story behind where it came from and hug and kiss the giver.

And I want my God-given blessings to be appreciated the same way.