In Honor of April Fools Day

I love pranks.

Not the pranks viewed on tv reality shows that delight in frightening or embarassing folks. I can't even watch those because it makes me uncomfortable. No one wants to be made to look foolish.

No, I love the pranks that push the envelope a little but show forethought and a little preparation. Like the old pink flamingos in the yard trick. And the forking the lawn trick. I think tp-ing the office is cute. I once saw an entire house wrapped in cellophane but there might have been a deeper reason for that...

A friend of mine once got into my office and replaced all my pictures with photos of her and her husband on a cruise. Her in a bathing suit. My shelf suddenly had sex manuals and viagra samples displayed on it. One time same friend took an unflattering photo I had given her (of me after having fallen asleep among some chocolate chips-indescribable) and had them made into Christmas cards.

THAT took planning!

When my best friend turned 40 I had an old grade school photo of her published in the local newspaper. We dressed up as grannies one year for our bosses' birthday; each patient brought him a sympathy card.

My most favorite prank occurred when my kids were in high school: One evening my son Ryan went to his car to fetch something. In a flash he was back inside laughing hysterically. "I've been PRANKED!" We all rushed outside to see the carnage; it was memorable.

While we were all inside the house that evening, someone had come up to our driveway, taped off a pattern on Ryan's hand-me-down car (blue 1992 Acclaim) and spray painted a fluorescent orange racing stripe along the hood, top, and trunk and added #7 to the side. We never realized it was happening.

Years later we learned that the culprit was a band-mate of Ryan's. It was awesome.

Ryan drove that car proudly for years afterwards.

The spirit of fun made the prank a good one. The display of good humor while shaking up normalcy a bit is almost flattering; I mean, only someone who really knew us would take the time to plan and follow through on something like that.

So on this April Fool's Day, think about someone you like, know, and want to kid a little. Grab the flamingos, cellophane, balloons, photos, spray paint (sparingly) toilet paper, plastic forks.

Then get out there and 'bless' somebody.

Making Assumptions

Well, Folks. Today was an interesting day.

When you consider the fact that it was my day off (read: day of REST) I sure overdid it. I found myself rushing around from appointment to appointment all day long.

And I don't regret a thing.

It's funny how caught up we get when we anticipate a situation. I find myself assuming someone is going to behave/react in a certain way and prepare for (dread) it.

Then when everything unfolds I'm often surprised and delighted by the result.

The stressors I expect didn't materialize

My fears are unrealized

My concern is unfounded.

After I process the experience I want to slap my forehead because I did what I warn my clients against:

I made assumptions.

I spent time today with several friends who I feared would sap my emotional strength and leave me depleted for the rest of the week.

Instead I felt refreshed as I interacted honestly with people I care about. And who care about me (I think).

It was cool.

So I'd like to offer the suggestion that making assumptions is likely to be a waste of time and energy. We tend to suffer proactively for things that may not happen at all.

So don't borrow trouble. Keep your ears, eyes, and heart open to what might actually happen.

Be willing to experience the experience as it unfolds.

Then your assumptions won't make a fool of you.

Soul Strength

These last few weeks have left me exhausted. Not so much physically; if you could see me at this moment I look downright serene!

But from the neck up and behind my furrowed brow there's a veritable tornado swirling around me as I review these last few days.

I have to do this almost every weekend as I release the stresses and frustration and allow the joys and blessings to seep back in.

It's a real lifesaver for me.

God uses the storms and pressures to strengthen me in ways I could never imagine. I also would never willingly choose some of these experiences.

Yet when I have my 'review weekends' I'm brought to one major conclusion:
God always provides a strength of soul to endure our trials.

How many times have you had an emergency, stress, or major conflict and you handled it?
Somehow, someway, you automatically endured, aided, soothed, cared for someone else.
No thoughts of yourself (at least not too many) and you were only in the moment to do what you had to do.

Then afterward when you can really process the experience, you realize you did...fine. You managed, coped, participated in a meaningful way.

That's soul strength.

Soul strength is a confirmation that you have become stronger than you ever thought you could.

Or that was ever possible for you.

Soul strength says that what God has said all along about Him being your strength and shield applied to you too. Not just the 'other guy' but YOU.

So rest along with me, my friends. Process this last week and acknowledge the times when you handled something well. Recharge, renew, and go into next week knowing that whatever you encounter God will give you the soul strength to handle it.

A Matter Of Semantics

'I don't mind' vs. 'I don't care.'

Simply stated, what you say may not be what I hear.

I'm often surprised by how befuddled some people are when they get into conflict with their spouses. It's usually men, but women are not immune to feeling shocked when their seemingly innocent comment gets blown out of proportion. Then an argument ensues and the 'offender' feels misunderstood.

So let me clear a few things up.

It's NOT okay to say the phrase 'I don't care' when your spouse/significant other asks you:
what you think
where you two should go
what should be worn
or when asked your deepest opinion about something heartfelt.

For example, say your dearie has made big decisions that involve you in some way.
Lots of consideration has gone into it. Choices have been made. Money has been spent.
All that's left is to reveal the decision to you and for you to offer encouragement and affirmation.

You are speechless. It's a cool thing, what's been decided. You really do appreciate it but you don't know how to express yourself.

Sweetie nervously asks you if there's a problem. Don't you like the decision? Was it wrong or right? Was there a mistake?
"I don't care."

I know what you're really trying to say is that it's great, awesome, unbelievable. You want to express your joy and disbelief. You want to appear willing but then you hear yourself say "I don't care."

Here comes the battle.

Darling doesn't hear "I don't care" as "this is wonderful and I'm glad you thought of it and I'm thrilled." Darling hears "I don't care" as "It doesn't matter what you do or say I'm unaffected and unimpressed. "

Perhaps the best suggestion I can offer is to replace "I don't care" with "I don't mind."

They mean different things, don't you think?

When I hear "I don't mind" I don't feel put down and dismissed. While the substitution isn't perfect it doesn't engender as much aggravation and stress. It's not inflammatory, nor does it tend to be interpreted as a total shut down.

As I've said in previous blogs, we have to be careful what we say. We need to filter ourselves and be open to possible misunderstandings. Be willing to reformat how you communicate with those who mean the most to you.

Choose your words carefully; if not, next time your Cutie won't care if you mind or not.

New Personal Goals

I used to have these wild fantasy's that someday I'd be rich and famous.

Now my biggest goal is to not be featured in a 'Seen at Wal-Mart' photo email.

Funny Thing About Getting Old

I've made some interesting observations about what it's like to get old(er).

It ain't all that bad, really.

Who would have ever imagined living to be eligible for senior citizen discounts without showing your ID? I'm at the age where the only time I get carded is when some muscle-bound security guy at a music venue wants to make me feel good about myself; either that or he doesn't want me to feel left out being the only person there NOT being carded!

At any rate, getting on in years isn't as negative as one might think. I don't rush out to buy the newest fashion trends since odds are I already have something like it in my closet from decades ago. Admittedly, shopping isn't as fun as it once was because I often feel like I've seen all this stuff before (when I could fit into it). Daughter Kari once asked me why I didn't keep some of the clothes I wore in the '70's. I told her, "Honey, it was ugly then and it's ugly NOW."

Even my career as a counselor benefits because with age comes wisdom. Since I'm over 40 (just barely), married and have adult children I'm seen as more credible. Maybe I should build a cabin on a mountaintop for people to seek me for all my sage advice (I'd better practice sitting cross-legged).

What makes growing older the most fun is this:

My friends are growing old along with me.

We can laugh together and understand what we're talking about. We can hassle the cute waiters at restaurants without fear of seeming creepy. We can make numerous trips to the bathroom and no one bats an eye.

Yes, aging has its downside but we won't worry about that today. When the gloomies get us we know we can blame it on hormones and hot flashes. We can call a do-over when we've said or done the wrong thing.

So getting older isn't all that bad. It's made me appreciate my parents and those in my life who've been here before. What they've said and done makes a bit more sense now.

I'm going to sign off now. I'm heading to the mall to snag some senior citizen discounts. I hear they've got a great deal going on support hose and Depends.

Dreams Become Reality

I hope not.

If that's true then my reality will soon involve returning to my old college and trying to find the class I've somehow been skipping for 30 years. I'll have to be the star in a play I don't know the lines to. I will search in vain for a pair of culottes (don't ask) to wear to an important church meeting.
More currently, if my dreams become my reality I'll be able to fly without assistance, will be sleeping in the hallway in a fancy resort and will drive a semi truck from the back seat.

I worry sometimes when I recall my dreams when I awaken. What on earth must be going on in my mind before I go to bed? In my dreams I'm always late, unprepared, lost, or confused.

The truth is, our dreams very seldom predict anything about our reality. Since our brains don't stop functioning while we sleep, the events and meanings of the day often continue to course through our brain waves. What we see as frightening often means transition; reliving memories serves to enable us to move on. Suffocation or trying to squeeze through a tight space means the cat is sleeping on your face.

Sometimes it's a relief to wake up and realize it's all been a dream. Those are the dreams I find myself thinking of throughout the day until I admit I'm grateful that none of the terrible things that happened are true: my dear ones are still alive, I haven't lost the dog, and I don't have to move out of the house I've lived in for 20 years.

My favorite dreams involve feeling loved and blessed; I'm relating to people I love and respect. There's always yummy food and lots of it. I'm somehow given permission to enjoy my life and bask in the relationships with which I've been blessed.

Oh, yeah. And I'm wearing pants.