Understanding the Grief of Others

We really can't understand what we haven't experienced.

Or, more honestly, we'd like to understand it WITHOUT having experienced it.

I'd love to nod and give perfect wisdom to dear friends who experience pain and grief.

And it's so easy to give advice to someone who is indescribably burdened.  We quote verses and tell them to trust God.  We say 'This too shall pass."  And we go home.

Admittedly, it's very difficult for me to walk alongside someone who needs me in a crisis. Sometimes I want to cut and run.

I grieve as I watch friends and other loved ones suffer.  I want to get into the mix and fix it.

I want to hire a ninja.

But since I can't, all I can do is BE with the sufferer.  Not to say things or to heal anyone.  Just to be a calm/protecting presence in the crisis.

Only then can we begin to understand the grief of others.

When I Was Your Age

It's true:

The older you get the smarter your parents become.

I know this is true because I hear myself saying the same things to my kids my fuddy duddy parents said to me.

Things like:

Be careful
Just wait until (fill in the blank)
When I was a kid
It's my house and I can say what I want
If you don't work you don't eat.

I'm realizing that such comments weren't meant to criticize or demean me. They were intended to reach across the years of experience and hard knocks to perhaps help me avoid doing some pretty foolish things.

I wonder how the folks felt when I did something foolish anyway.

So as I share old fogey-isms with my own kids and anyone else within earshot,let me challenge you to listen to yourself as you speak to your loved ones. Make sure your words are meant to guide and not to demean.

In the stillness of your heart, utter a blessing to those who have invested into your life words of caution and experience.

Then maybe you'll appreciate your life, your job, your church, your family and friends and be thankful for them.

Be careful
Look both ways
Chew your food
Don't talk with your mouth full
Eat your vegetables

One day you'll thank me.

Funny Thing About Getting Old

I've made some interesting observations about what it's like to get old(er).

It ain't all that bad, really.

Who would have ever imagined living to be eligible for senior citizen discounts without showing your ID? I'm at the age where the only time I get carded is when some muscle-bound security guy at a music venue wants to make me feel good about myself; either that or he doesn't want me to feel left out being the only person there NOT being carded!

At any rate, getting on in years isn't as negative as one might think. I don't rush out to buy the newest fashion trends since odds are I already have something like it in my closet from decades ago. Admittedly, shopping isn't as fun as it once was because I often feel like I've seen all this stuff before (when I could fit into it). Daughter Kari once asked me why I didn't keep some of the clothes I wore in the '70's. I told her, "Honey, it was ugly then and it's ugly NOW."

Even my career as a counselor benefits because with age comes wisdom. Since I'm over 40 (just barely), married and have adult children I'm seen as more credible. Maybe I should build a cabin on a mountaintop for people to seek me for all my sage advice (I'd better practice sitting cross-legged).

What makes growing older the most fun is this:

My friends are growing old along with me.

We can laugh together and understand what we're talking about. We can hassle the cute waiters at restaurants without fear of seeming creepy. We can make numerous trips to the bathroom and no one bats an eye.

Yes, aging has its downside but we won't worry about that today. When the gloomies get us we know we can blame it on hormones and hot flashes. We can call a do-over when we've said or done the wrong thing.

So getting older isn't all that bad. It's made me appreciate my parents and those in my life who've been here before. What they've said and done makes a bit more sense now.

I'm going to sign off now. I'm heading to the mall to snag some senior citizen discounts. I hear they've got a great deal going on support hose and Depends.