Internal Battles

No, I'm not talking about what happens when you eat cranberries and then have a gulp of milk (I did that...once).

I'm talking about the old habitual self-talk that whispers into your brain and makes you think it's the truth.

The self-talk that reminds you of all your old mistakes and embarrassments; the fear that what you thought happened may not have gone that way at all.

When those thoughts/fears arise, what do you do?

I used to think that any second thoughts or negative feelings were an expression of being realistic:

Maybe I missed some social cues at the time and beating myself up was a way of taking responsibility and reminding myself that I shouldn't get too cocky.

I've learned over time that those thoughts and feelings are very inaccurate. When I work so hard at making something 'not about me' I'm ironically MAKING it 'about me!'

It takes surrender and the willingness to accept what trusted others say about you until you've learned how to see it for yourself. I'm often surprised when my trusted others are more impressed with me than I am with myself.

But I believe God puts people into our lives to provide us a forum for feedback and encouragement. Sometimes there are several people and often it's just one individual who we can bounce ideas off of and know we can get a realistic opinion.

I know I'm not alone in these internal battles; almost all of us question our choices and interpretation of events. That's why I'm so determined to be one of the trusted ones in people's lives.

So as I go about my day, I will mentally wrap all my self criticisms up and stuff them way back in my pantry (I never go there anyway). I will take a deep breath, brush my hair out of my eyes, relax my shoulders, and move ahead knowing that this whole life thing isn't all about me anyway.

Afterthoughts

It's taken me a few days to catch my breath and process my impressions of "An Evening with Karen Wasoba."

First, I was overwhelmed by the dear people who endured a night of rainy weather on a Friday night to attend. I thought that was amazing, especially since there wasn't a whole lot of advertisement. We had exactly the amount of folks who could fit into such a compact place.

Second, the sense of community blessed me immensely. At one point I almost felt like we were a huge family coming to support little Joey's first piano recital.

So many friends stepped in to make sure the details were taken care of. That was a major relief to me.

Next, thanks to the dear ones who pulled me aside to pray with me. It really did calm my nerves and allowed me to surrender everything into God's care.

I felt a subtle letdown the next day when I woke up with a major sore throat and fever. Not feeling well, I found myself thinking of all the things I should have done better. All the comments I wanted to add but didn't and vice versa. I'm still dealing with the afterthoughts and working to be objective about everything.

I've gotten positive responses from attenders and I can't tell you how much I appreciated it.

I also watched the video...Don now tells me we don't have the equipment to transfer it from our camcorder to the computer. We're working on it.

I have lots more to say about this but for now let me say I'm glad I went through with it.
Was I comfortable?

Sort of.

Did I have fun?

Yep!

Will I do it again?

Um... I don't know about whether the world can handle Part Deux. Let's just say I'm glad I have a 'day job' I love.

In the end, I think we did what we set out to do:

Just sit back and have fun.

I DID IT!!!!

I'd like to express my sincere appreciation to everyone who attended "An Evening with Karen Wasoba."

I couldn't have asked for a better evening (dryer, maybe. And I give terrible driving directions...). It went pretty smoothly, and while I'm by no means a professional entertainer I like to think we had fun.

I was so tickled to see many familiar faces there last night. It meant a lot to me to be encouraged in this way. There were approximately 30 people in attendance and plenty of refreshments to go around.

Thank you so much to those folks who took care of the details such as delivering and setting up chairs, making sure the lighting was good, folks who brought decadently fabulous desserts, made coffee.

You don't know how much it blessed me to be helped like that.

Thanks, too, to my kids who jumped in and encouraged me by sitting up front and pretending (?) to be interested in my stories.

Don, too, was a great help. Too bad I spent most of the evening telling tales about him.

Wait.

They aren't tales if they're TRUE.

I really don't know how it went; I was so preoccupied with making sure I had my routine going I couldn't be sure if it was good or my dear audience was being nice.

I'll watch the video in the next few days. It will be difficult and I'll be irritated that no one told me my outfit didn't match.

But I have to admit I brought as much as I could to the evening.

I'm most likely not going to quit my day job, but taking the risk to do some stand-up comedy was thrilling for me.

Thanks again to everyone!

p.s. I woke up today with a fever and laryngitis. Maybe I overdid it.

Here We Go!

It is almost Zero Hour.

I have my notecards, my crew is spiffing up the place.

I'm spiffing myself up.

In just a few hours a group of friends and I will indulge ourselves in an hour (or so) of nothing but fun.

This fun does not involve mud baths, football games (sorry guys) or shopping.

It involves laughter.

and desserts.

Tonight is the event I've been blogging about for the last little bit. I'm planning to share many true stories from my goofy life. I've asked my son Ryan to play and sing a song for the group.

I'm nervously excited. Or excitedly nervous.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Countdown Has Begun

So here's the challenging part of being challenged:

It's one thing to hatch a plan, have a great idea.

It's another thing to share your ideas and get feedback for them.

It's a whole different matter to work the details out so it goes off without a hitch.

Cuz there are hitches built into everything we try to accomplish; if it were easy we'd have done it a long time ago.

When I think of trying to do things all by myself in my own strength I get tired.
I can't think of every possible factor to host a successful event. And by the time I did take care of details I'd be so 'over it' I wouldn't care anymore.

But I have friends who know a lot about a lot of things. I'm relying on them to step in and use their talents in allowing me to concentrate on the show I'm planning to host tomorrow night.

This ought to be fun. And weird. And different. And memorable.

I just sat at McDonald's for 4 hours while I wrote my comments on 3x5 cards. It took 44 cards and I had to stop cuz I ran out of ink.

So I'm all set (unless I drop the cards during the event).

Or I get writer's cramp.

See you tomorrow!

Preparation Blues

I've noticed how challenging it is to prepare for an event, even a fun one.

There is such a thing as too much preparation.

I admire so much those folks who seem to do this kind of thing easily.
They make it look spontaneous but don't let them fool you.

I've been jotting down ideas and even writing down what I want to say. But I know that the actual evening will go quickly.

I'm reminded of my wedding day-

It took so long to plan and prepare. When I looked at the church clock after the ceremony I was shocked to realize the entire thing had taken only 24 minutes.

I wanted to do it over again just to get my money's worth!

That's what this event will feel like. So don't be surprised if I repeat myself.

A lot.

OH NO!!

I just found out that Wasoba means something nasty in some other language!

(Why am I surprised?)

I was checking my wasoblog history and clicked on the url bringing in the most people. There's a dictionary definition of 'wasoba' and one of the words used to describe it was 'douchbag.'

So here I'm hoping that folks in other countries are enjoying my blog, only to discover they're probably disappointed I'm not a douchbag.

Wait.

That could be positive, right?

Anyway, I am dismayed.

By tomorrow I'm sure I'll think it's hilarious.