Truth Hurts

Truth is really difficult to accept when it's someone elses' truth.

You find yourself somewhat confused and quite aggravated to discover what you thought was reality may not have been real after all.

I'm thinking of the times I've skipped merrily along thinking everything was cool. At the time I was probably even gloating about just how cool everything was. I had my thoughts figured out, my faith figured out, and even my relationships were neatly arranged in a perfect order.

How painful it is when I'm stopped short by a truth encounter I never expected.
And I feel that kind of pain now.

Some of my pain is grief because a friend of mine 'quit' me today. I feel sick and a little lost, trying to remember or figure out what I did wrong and what signals I'd missed over time.

Another element of pain is self-blame that I could be so clueless about someone else's feelings. I mean, I WORK with emotions for a LIVING. How could I have been so unaware of my own friends' feelings?

I'm fighting the old memories of another friendship that ended abruptly and badly.
All the fears, recriminations and rejections are right here in front of me.

But I know I have to be strong in order to hear the truth and learn from it.

Truth isn't always happyland.

So I'm spending the next little bit seeking God's truth and how it applies to me.

Hopefully I'll be able to accept the truth about myself and the difference between HAVING a friend and BEING a friend.

Power of the Will

One thing you've probably noticed if you've been following my blog is that I enjoy laughing at myself.

I laugh at you, too, but you don't know that.

Anyway, what I think is really funny is how many excuses/reasons I have for explaining my actions. Depending on my own viewpoint I can reason away (aka excuse)anything.

If I want to do something I'll find a reason (It's the RIGHT thing to do, I want to show my support, etc.).

If I don't want to do it I'll find a reason (I don't 'feel led,' I'm overbooked, I'd be in the way...).

But today is a great example of overcoming true obstacles (I might have broken my toe yesterday falling over something- is 'puffy purple' a medical term?)

Earlier today Don and I found ourselves excitedly riding our bikes together on the Katy Trail. Against 20+ mph winds. Me with a severely bruised toe.

I found a way and managed to overcome real roadblocks. (Don didn't: apparently while I wasn't looking he turned his wheels wrong, took a ditch, and fell headlong over his handlebars. I saw him climbing back onto his bike after his tumble but was unfazed since he tends to fall down a lot).

So...

My will managed to ignore physical pain so I could do what I wanted to do. My stubbornness said those real obstacles weren't big enough to stop me.

My will pushed my thoughts beyond what I thought I could do; I actually forgot for a while that I had aches, pains, and pressing responsibilities.

My thoughts focused outward rather than inward.

So while I nurse my aches and pains (and Don's embarrassment)I'm energized by the ability God has given me to use the power of my will to enjoy life.

But boy, will I ever remember my limitations when I try to get out of bed tomorrow.

Especially if I don't WANT to get up.