Keeping it all Straight

I know what it's like to feel overwhelmed.

Some days it seems like every little hairy detail is nipping at my heels.
The one that nips hardest is the one that gets the attention.

It shouldn't be that way but hey, doesn't it seem to be true for most of us?

These last few weeks have been a busy time for me, and each event required total concentration.

That means that every other person, place, or thing I value had to take a back seat for a while.

I don't like that.

Not only does it feel like I've had to ignore what I value but I've also felt bad for having to make choices.

I'm glad my trusted people understand and give me space (temporarily, of course). But instead of allowing myself to muck around in the muck of 'what I think I should have been able to do all at once' I'm thinking differently.

With the pace of the upcoming holidays I'm clinging to an awareness of time.

And value.

And priorities.

And I'd like you to do that as well.

Let's scale back a little on the 'should do's ' this coming season and focus more on the 'these are important to me's' instead.

We need the willingness to keep it all straight, and the stubbornness to refuse to be sucked into the mire of details and requirements.

I want to make choices and stick with them without guilt or doubt.

I urge you to do the same.

BTW- Thanks to the WISE group at First Christian Church of Florissant, MO for allowing me to lead the anger management seminar last Saturday. You were all so gracious and receptive to me. I had a great time.

Grief During the Holidays

Loss is difficult at any time of the year. There are adjustments to be made in our daily lives, and we experience what can only be described as a hole in our emotional ozone.

Not only is there the physical death of the loved one but the death of hope as well; hope that the relationship might get better, that the person may finally say what we think we need to hear. We must also acknowledge that the deposits (and withdrawals) in the memory bank representing that person have ceased.

We have built so much sentimentality into our holidays. That's why we want everything to be special. It's supposed to exemplify all that is good and right in our world. When our world shifts it feels awful.

When I mention sentimentality, I have to list almost every holiday movie, tv show. made-for-tv-movie that's ever existed.

My dear husband Don loooooves holiday movies. I daresay there isn't a single smarmy Christmas movie this dude hasn't seen and loved. Last year I jokingly gave him several Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen VHS Christmas movies as his gift. He watched every one of them and loved them all.

But Don's love for Christmas movies is a sterling example of the idealism we embrace during this season. The idealism that everything has to be a certain pre-set way and anything different ruins everything we hold sacred.

That's what makes us miss someone who is no longer there to retain their place in our traditions.

I know how I felt the first holiday afterI lost my Mom. Although things weren't perfect between us there was still an honored place for her during the holidays. When she was no longer there I felt weird. My loss felt greater when I couldn't make any more memories.

How about you? Have you felt laden with grief over someone no longer able to share your holidays? If so, I understand.

Being sentimental can be good. It's a way of processing thoughts and opinions, memories and dreams. Sentimentality creates within us an appreciation for the way things used to be.

I hope people miss me when I'm gone, don't you? I'd hate to think I made such a small impression in this world that there is no need to stop and reminisce. No desire to share funny and sad stories about my time on earth. That's true of everyone; to grieve over loss is important. It's a way to honor the place that person held in our heart.

So if you're feeling bereaved right now, remember that it's a symbol of respect for the one who is gone. Allow yourself to remember that person and give your heart the time it needs to process the effect he or she had your life.

So for this year, use your imagination to find a way to commemorate your departed loved one. Purchase a special ornament for the tree, serve their favorite dessert, use the hand towels or bath salts they gave you for a gift in prior years. Talk about them fondly.


But don't forget the folks who are still here. Don't be so lost in your loss you ignore those you still have in your life. Use this experience to create new memories and traditions that will not only honor the past but instill hope for the future.