Reasons and Excuses

I've been noticing lately how easily we fall into a category and use it for an excuse.

For instance, I looked up many of the labels I've been guilty of giving myself. I'm a:

Leo
Sanguine
Otter
Golden Retriever
Left-Handed
Extravert
Intuitive/Feeler
Shepherd/Encourager
Last Born but only child
German/Swedish
Born Again believer

Wow.  I just read over the list and I should be very impressed with myself!

However, many of these descriptors can be used as a shield when we feel threatened to change.

"I act this way because I'm an otter."  "I can't be quiet because I'm an extravert."  "I'm a clown because I'm last born but treat me respectfully because I'm an intuitive/feeler."  "I'm goofy because I'm left-handed."
"I'm bossy because I'm a Leo."

This seems to be our reason (read-excuse) to blame others for not getting along with us!
No acceptance of our own attitudes or vanities or pride. 

Haven't you done this?  I know I have. 

I can't tell you the relief I have felt when some label excused my poor behavior.  It isn't me being a jerk;
it's my temperment, horoscope, birth order, Myers-Briggs results, spiritual gift, nationality.

BUT...

Using those labels to rationalize why we do what we do says we are helpless.  Victims to our circumstances.
Is that how we are to live?

I'd like to suggest we all ignore those labels.  Instead, let's dig our heels in when tempted to explain away why we are being pig-headed or fearful or controlling.  Let's turn our backs on accepting those excuses from our friends and family members too.

I'd like to think that God works in our lives and hearts IN SPITE OF those labels that have hindered us for so long.  He wants us to cast off the 'old man' and allow Him to give us a new life.

I love that part but it assumes we take responsibility for our reasons and excuses.

Here are some labels I'd love to embrace instead:

Loved,
Protected
Shielded
Empowered through His grace
Healed
Rescued
Lifted up

and best of all,

FORGIVEN

Keeping it all Straight

I know what it's like to feel overwhelmed.

Some days it seems like every little hairy detail is nipping at my heels.
The one that nips hardest is the one that gets the attention.

It shouldn't be that way but hey, doesn't it seem to be true for most of us?

These last few weeks have been a busy time for me, and each event required total concentration.

That means that every other person, place, or thing I value had to take a back seat for a while.

I don't like that.

Not only does it feel like I've had to ignore what I value but I've also felt bad for having to make choices.

I'm glad my trusted people understand and give me space (temporarily, of course). But instead of allowing myself to muck around in the muck of 'what I think I should have been able to do all at once' I'm thinking differently.

With the pace of the upcoming holidays I'm clinging to an awareness of time.

And value.

And priorities.

And I'd like you to do that as well.

Let's scale back a little on the 'should do's ' this coming season and focus more on the 'these are important to me's' instead.

We need the willingness to keep it all straight, and the stubbornness to refuse to be sucked into the mire of details and requirements.

I want to make choices and stick with them without guilt or doubt.

I urge you to do the same.

BTW- Thanks to the WISE group at First Christian Church of Florissant, MO for allowing me to lead the anger management seminar last Saturday. You were all so gracious and receptive to me. I had a great time.

Even More About Truth

I'd like to suggest we always tell the truth and here's why:

We want to be safe.

There's nothing like being in a relationship where you are safe and free from fear. Where you know that if someone tells you something you can rely on that information and take appropriate action. Even if the news is painful you are shielded from criticism and rejection because you know the person sharing it has no destructive motives.

I strive to be that kind of person. It's a true honor when someone seeks your opinion and believes what you say. From clothing choices to paint colors to the choice of a mate, it's important to be the person who is known for being truthful and offering safety while doing it.

I was taught that in order to have a friend you have to be a friend. In order to be safe you must offer safety. In order to have someone be truthful you must be truthful yourself.

Again, this goes back to my former blog that discusses our motives. If your motive is to be useful and you desire to tell the truth because it will be helpful, through practice and effort, the same will be given you.

It may not happen right away. You may have to be the loving truth teller all by yourself for a while.

But once your offer of safety is recognized who knows? You may be the catalyst for changing an entire group of friends. Or family. Or church.

And that's the truth.