You Have GOT To Be Kidding!

My sense of humor is often twisted.

Now quit rolling your eyes they might stick that way.

I think it's funny to be slightly inappropriate when it's least expected.  I have too many examples to name (perhaps those of you who know me would like to share...).

But even I have my limits.

Okay, admittedly I have very few limits but this is one of them.

White Castle scented candles.

Yes.

The bane of women and teenage-girls-on-dates everywhere White Castle.

Of course, I don't know if it's pre-eaten White Castle or post-eaten White Castle; either one strikes fear into my heart.

I have a 'no White Castles in my office' rule at work.  Seriously.  That room is just too small.

I have actually watched couples FIGHT over whether hubby should stop there on the way home. Or if he already had.

Anyway, I see(smell?) trouble looming.   I wonder if this is the beginning of the end for mankind. Instead of mace or pepper spray in our desk drawers or purses we have to carry portable febreeze.

Or we could propose a ban on matches.  After all, White Castle scented candles don't kill people- but lighting them might.

checking In

Hey Folks.

Just checking in to check to see if you've been checking up on me.

Check?

Check.

It's been a busy year so far although I can't tell you what has kept me so busy.  From talking to other people I don't seem to be the only person to experience this.

I've even taken to writing down in my day planner what I actually did that day.

 Apparently I'm a pretty busy gal.

This is when I'm supposed to talk to you about mindfulness; that being the habit of noticing and making sure you experience every moment of your life, making sure you appreciate and savor it all.

I realized not too long ago that most of us focus more on what's NEXT rather than what's NOW.  What we have to DO rather than what we're DOING.

It's time to stop and smell the roses, I think.  What good is life when it becomes a check list rather than an experience?

So I'm checking out right now to check in with my dear hubby and check out in front of the tv.

Check?

Check.

Be Careful What You Wish For

When the new year began I decided I was tired of the 'somedays' of my life.

SOMEDAY I'm going to keep all my lunch meeting promises with friends.

SOMEDAY I'm going to take my dog for more walks.

SOMEDAY I'll take MYSELF for more walks!

SOMEDAY I'll start planning to accomplish a few things on my bucket list.


So in my fervor to accomplish something I asked hubby Don to go away for a weekend so I can finally concentrate on writing my new book.  He was willing and I felt satisfied.

His weekend visit is now a weeklong trip to Florida to visit his family (I'm glad cuz his family is important).

But now I'm faced with the reality of doing what I set out to do- write my new book.

The 'what if's' that strike us all is in my face with a vengeance.

WHAT IF I can't express what I want to say?

WHAT IF I have writer's block?

WHAT IF I sound like every other Christian writer out there?

WHAT IF it is too long or too short when I'm done?

WHAT IF I have a stroke of genius and I get accused of plagiarism?

At any rate, I can rest in the fact that I'm not expected to produce a masterpiece with my first draft.

That's a comfort.

It's just that this next work is way deeper than my first one, "Lord, Shut Me Up!"  I'm already opening up some of my own pain and hurts from my past.  That's risky. Plus, um, it hurts.

So as I pray and write and pray some more, I have to admit that risk is risky and sometimes we have to be careful what we wish for.

We just might get it.

Wanderings and Ponderings

I've always known I don't think like other folks.  And other folks who think wonder what I'm thinking.

So here's what I think I've been thinking lately.

I've been visiting Pinterest quite a bit.  I love that it's like shopping without dragging a bored husband along.  It's like collecting magazine articles and photos without scissors (and I'm dangerous with scissors).

Such a variety of ideas and interests!  My collection of pins seems to be comprised mostly of rude comments and cute animals.

Culling through the assortment of available pins I often wonder how that photo was taken.  Where were they, how did they do it?  Some of my questions include the phrase, "Why bother?"  Oh, and/or "Who cares?" Let's not forget the classic "What IS it?"

But what has caught my attention lately are the cutesy pictures of the awwwwdorable baby photos.  Now I like baby pictures as much as anyone- not really- I only think MY babies were adorable.  All the others are simply tolerable.

So what I'm wondering lately is who ever thought to stuff sleeping babies in flowerpots and mailboxes?  What creative genius thought putting naked sleeping babies on flower petals was a good idea?  Is that legal?

And where did they find the babies?  Did they send out a request to talent agencies looking for naked sleeping newborns?  Cute naked sleeping newborns.  Cute naked sleeping newborns who could look even cuter wearing little angel wings and bumblebee costumes.

Or did the photographers sneak into hospital nurseries in the middle of the night, pick out the adorable one with the little headband on who just happened to be sleeping resting his/her little head in his/her cute little hand?

I worry about things like this!

In 20 years or so I can just picture a new client sitting in my office with this issue:

"It all began when I was a newborn..."

Adapting to Change

Helloooo all you frazzled hoomans!

When I was younger ( like in the days when Christmas tress were silver tinsel, rotated, and had a color wheel illuminating the tree in multi-colored splendor), Christmas was a fun time we could hardly wait to experience.  The decorations would majically appear when we came home from school.  The wish lists were sent to Santa but curiously never needed a stamp.  My Mom would stock up on pickles, black olives, and pickled herring (don't judge me).

But as I grew older I realized that all this magic was really loads of pre-planning and WORK. Having secret meetings with dear hubby while pretending nothing was going on during the day. Having one of us divert the kids while the other one tried to sneak packages into the house and hide them.

Like most families, we had traditions and procedures that veered little each year: Hubby reading Luke 2 while dear son squirmed with impatience to get to the presents.  Someone wearing the Santa hat and giving out the gifts.

When the kids were younger our Advent calendar was a 'must.'  We finally decided that they'd outgrown it when dear daughter graduated high school and went off to college.  Son just didn't think it was fun to count down the days till Christmas when it cut into his shaving time.

Now that my kids are grown, married, and living their own lives, Christmas has gotten more complicated.

Most of you in our situation experience the same thing:

What to do when the OTHER side of the family has plans.  Traditions and procedures.

Lots of families institute a kind of lottery- THEY get them this year but WE get them next year (never mind what the kids want).  Or YOU got them for Thanksgiving so WE get them for Christmas.

I've also noticed families who get mad/insulted when they have to adapt to the kids' choice to actually stay at home and develop their own holiday traditions.  Or they get irritated when the other side WINS when "they- don't-even-care-about-Christmas-like-we-do-so-why-are-they-being-so-spiteful-they-always-act-like-this-what-did-we -do-to-them-they-are-just-jealous."

So a rift develops between families because someone can't or won't adapt to change.  I'm often amused how we invest in family so they can live happy and healthy lives and then get offended when they attempt to do so.

I also have found it interesting how we gorge ourselves with cookies and treats and special foods when we have the recipes and could make them any time the rest of the year but I digress.

As challenging and scary as it is to adapt to change I think we need to do so.  Change can often be a transition toward something that is really beneficial to everyone.  As we adapt to change we can delegate some responsibilities to others, relax, and begin to enjoy the holidays like we used to. 

Hey!  Who baked the cookies using my recipe?  The decorations have majically been put up!  Where did those gifts under the tree come from?

Perhaps adapting to change is God's way of giving us back the child-like joy we once felt at Christmas.  Change might allow others to bless us by taking over the responsibilities we grew to find tedious.

Who know?  Maybe I'll have dear children climb up into the attic and look for that old Advent calendar.  I think it's MY turn to count down the days before Christmas.

Absence of Pressure

When I"m counseling clients I find I"m often counseling myself; many of the issues being discussed are either things I've also experienced or are thinking about myself.

Lately I've been spending precious brain cells thinking about 'absence of pressure'.  How someone (meaning me) reacts when there's an absence of pressure in their life.

We have all longed for peace and quiet while in the midst of great stress; how we'll just take a nap or a vacation or a Xanax...

But what do we do when the pressure/stress/crisis is over?  After the nap, etc. etc.

Do we move forward in our lives, stretching ourselves and investing in positive activities, relationships and experiences?

Or do we...do nothing. 

I've begun to accept that I tend to be a do-nothing-er.  I have good intentions (during the pressure).  Once this is over I'm going to:

Visit the sick and elderly
Invite all my neighbors to church
Write the soldiers serving overseas
Volunteer
Increase my client load by marketing more effectively
Write another book
More public speaking (Toastmaster's?)
Invest more in my siblings, siblings-in-law, their spouses and children
Spend more quality time with my parents

But ashamedly, I admit there's little pressure and I've done none of the things listed above.

As I continue to pray and determine which comes first (the CHICKEN!) let me challenge you to do the same. 

I'm not referring to New Years' resolutions or personal goals here.  I'm talking about how to move forward in life with a useful attitude. Fully engaged.  Pushing yourself to talk to those you love on the phone.  Write an email. Get out of your zombie zone and live.

Gotta go now.  My brain cells are warming up and are bugging me to be taken out for a spin.

Thanksgiving is Relative

Hey Gang!

Is it November already?  I've heard that life is like a roll of toilet paper- the closer you get to the end of the roll the faster it goes. That's certainly true with me lately.  I just got my holiday stuff from last year put away.

I think it's important to acknowledge Thanksgiving and take a moment to appreciate what God has done for us.  According to my clients, it can also be a time of stress stress stress as relatives, far and near, get together to enjoy the holiday.

'Enjoy' is relative, since what one person likes, another person can find totally cringe worthy(like cranberries).  At any rate, having a house full of humanity for any amount of time can be a nerve twister. 

My suggestion may be to stuff them full of turkey (or tofurkey for the health conscious) and let them sleep it off in front of the tv. Watching football, or golf.  Or the first showing of 'It's a Wonderful Life.'

I'm reminded of relative interactions in the past.  The time my turkey wasn't done until about 3 hours AFTER we'd already waited an extra hour to eat.  Believe you me, people get remarkably testy when they're hungry.  Our solution was to eat the side and the pie and have turkey for dessert.  It worked and digested the same.

And made us nap longer.

I also remember why we no longer allow dear daughter Kari to pray for our meals.  Ever.  She takes total control of the limelight, thinking it's funny to hold us captive with her tedious and meandering prayer.

"Lord, I'd like to thank you for...
This house, the universe, the oxygen, for technology, for my pink slippers, the missionaries, my brother Ryan, this food (especially the corn), my friends, our dog, electricity..."

When we'd interrupt her to say "Amen" she'd put on this wounded face and scold us:

"Mom, I can't believe you'd tell to stop praying." And she'd continue.

After this occuring several times I could sense the turkey, mashed potatoes, and yams were getting cold.  A few more prayers and I could envision the jello melting and the green bean casserole coagulating.  I desperately considered furtively loading everyone's place while she continued in prayer. 

Seriously, I think the girl took 10+ minutes to pray.

I hope the Lord wasn't insulted by my impatience.  I like to think even HE was wishing she'd end it.

So when I say Thanksgiving is relative, I am referring to the behaviors that become irritating (except with MY family...)when many diverse personalities are gathered together to have a great time and celebrate blessings. 

I think we need to focus more on WHY we are gathering in the first place and give thanks for that.

And for the comfort that, for the most part, relatives will eventually go home.