Adapting to Change

Helloooo all you frazzled hoomans!

When I was younger ( like in the days when Christmas tress were silver tinsel, rotated, and had a color wheel illuminating the tree in multi-colored splendor), Christmas was a fun time we could hardly wait to experience.  The decorations would majically appear when we came home from school.  The wish lists were sent to Santa but curiously never needed a stamp.  My Mom would stock up on pickles, black olives, and pickled herring (don't judge me).

But as I grew older I realized that all this magic was really loads of pre-planning and WORK. Having secret meetings with dear hubby while pretending nothing was going on during the day. Having one of us divert the kids while the other one tried to sneak packages into the house and hide them.

Like most families, we had traditions and procedures that veered little each year: Hubby reading Luke 2 while dear son squirmed with impatience to get to the presents.  Someone wearing the Santa hat and giving out the gifts.

When the kids were younger our Advent calendar was a 'must.'  We finally decided that they'd outgrown it when dear daughter graduated high school and went off to college.  Son just didn't think it was fun to count down the days till Christmas when it cut into his shaving time.

Now that my kids are grown, married, and living their own lives, Christmas has gotten more complicated.

Most of you in our situation experience the same thing:

What to do when the OTHER side of the family has plans.  Traditions and procedures.

Lots of families institute a kind of lottery- THEY get them this year but WE get them next year (never mind what the kids want).  Or YOU got them for Thanksgiving so WE get them for Christmas.

I've also noticed families who get mad/insulted when they have to adapt to the kids' choice to actually stay at home and develop their own holiday traditions.  Or they get irritated when the other side WINS when "they- don't-even-care-about-Christmas-like-we-do-so-why-are-they-being-so-spiteful-they-always-act-like-this-what-did-we -do-to-them-they-are-just-jealous."

So a rift develops between families because someone can't or won't adapt to change.  I'm often amused how we invest in family so they can live happy and healthy lives and then get offended when they attempt to do so.

I also have found it interesting how we gorge ourselves with cookies and treats and special foods when we have the recipes and could make them any time the rest of the year but I digress.

As challenging and scary as it is to adapt to change I think we need to do so.  Change can often be a transition toward something that is really beneficial to everyone.  As we adapt to change we can delegate some responsibilities to others, relax, and begin to enjoy the holidays like we used to. 

Hey!  Who baked the cookies using my recipe?  The decorations have majically been put up!  Where did those gifts under the tree come from?

Perhaps adapting to change is God's way of giving us back the child-like joy we once felt at Christmas.  Change might allow others to bless us by taking over the responsibilities we grew to find tedious.

Who know?  Maybe I'll have dear children climb up into the attic and look for that old Advent calendar.  I think it's MY turn to count down the days before Christmas.

Christmas Overload

Hi Everyone!

I hope you are all pacing yourselves and enjoying this holiday season.

Most of you already know that dear hubby Don loves Christmas movies. He's been known to watch Lifetime movies ad infinitum, especially if the word 'Christmas' is in the title.

Out of curiousity, I just checked out the menu on our tv DVR. Here is a partial list of movies Don has either watched, is currently watching, or plans to watch in the very near future:

A Christmas Proposal
A Boyfriend for Christmas
The Christmas Wish
The 12 Wishes
An Old-Fashioned Christmas
The Most Wonderful Time of the Year
A Princess for Christmas
Eve's Christmas
Christmas in Paradise
Christmas Blessing
Cancel Christmas
November Christmas
Moonlight and Mistletoe
Mistletoe Over Manhattan
The Christmas Card
Christmas Wedding

...Remember, this is a PARTIAL list because he's already watched some and deleted them. If you notice, there is no mention of the classic movies like 'White Christmas' or 'Christmas Carol.'

Not even the 'Muppets Christmas Carol.'

I wonder if there's a 12-step program for Christmas movie addicts. If there is, there might be a support group for family members of Christmas movie junkies.

I might be the founding member.

I'd better go now. The movie is now getting to the end where it magically begins to snow and everyone is smiling and the credit card bills haven't arrived yet.

I love that part.

Enjoying the Holidays

The holiday food is eaten and the packages are unwrapped; your blood pressure is leveling off and the mayhem has ceased.

Now what?

Think back on what has relentlessly filled your mind these last few days/weeks/months.

Lists and more lists, tasks and more tasks, obligations and more obligations.

It's exhausting to be so jolly for so long.

At some point we see that there is no more to do and all that's left is allowing ourselves to enjoy what we've done.

I think it's hard to do.

I know I spend so much time deciding and guiding the festivities for everyone I'm wiped out and miss most of the fun because my mind is still racing:

Is their reaction honest?

Did I get the right gift for them?

Did I remember everything?

Am I scarring them for life because I forgot something?

Maybe it's just me but I noticed something odd in many Christmas movies:

They seem to have time to do everything, they remember details and they enjoy the process.

Plus people are happy (glowing, even) with receiving one gift.

It's almost irritating.

I find I'm so distracted by the business end of the holiday I forget the fun end.

So I'm trying to do it different this year and simply enjoy myself.

We've had a beautiful fluffy snowfall this year and it's breathtaking. It's all so...perfect.

It reminds me that we can't control every aspect of our lives. That we'd have done okay without the snow feature but having it somehow makes it all even more delightful.

It also reminds me that God takes care of the big stuff and even the small details. Like snow.

My challenge now is to behave how I believe; God is in charge so I'm free to relax.

Enjoy

Appreciate

Bless

Be blessed

Rest in the assurance that this Christmas is all about relationship(s). Not only relationships with our dear ones, but a relationship with our Dear One.

So it's time, my friends, to surrender the planning and working mode your brain has been in. You've been pushing and pulling the sled for a long time; now it's time to jump on it yourself and go for a wonderful ride.

WHHEEEEEEEEEE!

Learning to Be Satisfied

So how's everyone doing? I hope you are pacing yourselves and enjoying the process of Christmas.

I think it's interesting to watch people shop at the last minute. After a while they're frantically throwing just about anything into their cart for a stocking stuffer. Random comments such as, "I know Loretta likes...towels. Yeah, towels. So I bet she'd like this orange one on sale from Halloween." Moms and Dads are threatening their exhausted kids that Santa won't visit them if they don't behave.

People are losing their perspective as panic sets in.

I'm aware of an anxiety that's rising within me; I'm conflicted and confused but the reason may not be what you think. (Those of you who know me are thinking, "What? She's ALWAYS confused!").

Hear me out.

I'm struggling with the realization I have to learn to be satisfied.

Not satisfaction with what I want or may receive as a gift. Like most of us I have plenty and then some.

My discomfort comes from the fact that I have to be satisfied with the amount of gifts I GIVE to the family members and other folks I love.

Isn't it true? How do we express how we truly feel about our loved ones? I know for myself, mere words can't express the depth of love and appreciation I feel for the people in my life.

The only way we know of is to give gifts. Lots of gifts. Too many gifts. The bigger the better.

But then even after the giving and the thank you's we follow up with,

"Did you really like it? Huh? Huh? Did you? You're not just saying that, are you?"

So here's where the challenge is:

Accept that you can't give someone a gift equal to their personal value. You just can't. I know I've tried and maxed out credit cards in the past in my effort to 'get it right this year.'

Instead, determine that you're going to show your dear ones all year long how you feel about them. Don't save up all the good stuff till the end of the year, dump it in their laps and expect them to read your mind and your heart.

You will always be unhappy the next time you see that item laying unused in their room/house. You will equate your value with how they treat your gift.

So don't use Christmas items as a symbol for who you are and what you mean to your loved ones. Purchase a simple gift you know they will enjoy and let it go. It's a tough bit of advice I'm having to heed myself.

So as I've been saying all along:

Take a deep breath, repeat indefinitely.

Relax and decide that you're going to be satisfied.

Lessons Learned From a Bad Mood

So here I am at the end of a very long day and I have a confession to make:

I didn't want to go to work today.

Oh come on, don't act so surprised. I'm sure you've felt like calling in sick lots of times.
The problem is I'm my own boss.

I tried to convince myself I was coming down with something terribly contagious and for the good of mankind I should stay home.
Maybe I was going to have car trouble. Or maybe the weather was dangerous to drive in.
Or
Or
Or nothing. I had no excuse for staying home except I just wanted a do-over for the day.

Have you ever been so cranky you just want to avoid everyone? I have and it only feels so good to feel so bad for so long. Eventually you have to get out of your fuzzy jammies and brave the world in spite of yourself.

I hate that part when I have a good grump going on.

So today I forced myself to be a grownup and went to work despite my druthers.
And you know what?

Today I got to talk to someone who felt really scared about life. I also got to meet a person who just needs some encouragement. And someone else who was having family trouble and needed to vent. Another client had some transitions coming and needed to think out loud.

I love that stuff! By the end of the evening I felt downright reinvigorated. Great even.

Something about reaching out to encourage others encourages me. It helps me remember that life isn't all about me. To switch my focus from me, mine, to you, yours reminds me that God created us to help each other out.

Maybe you can't help anyone out this year financially. Not many of us can. But each one of us can give a part of ourselves to someone else. It could be your time to help someone put up Christmas lights. You could help someone wrap gifts or share extra Christmas cookies (hint!).
Just the willingness to listen to someone means everything.

So I did end up going to work but it didn't seem like work once I got there.

And I think the person who was helped the most was me.

Time For a Break

I know it's the last weekend before the Christmas holiday crunch begins. Already I'm having trouble finding a parking spot and having to play 'chicken' with grocery carts at Wal-Mart. I think if I earned a nickle for every time I heard Andy Williams sing "It's The Most Wonderful Time of The Year" somewhere I could retire a wealthy woman indeed.

Isn't it going too far when the countdown until Christmas is a permanent fixture on your television screen? The other day I thought I was watching channel 10 for about an hour before I realized I wasn't: They were kindly reminding me there were 10 days before the Big Day.

Pressure, pressure, pressure.

We're in the final lap, gang.

Now's the time to decide what great plans get tossed and what will really happen. My efforts to bake a bizillion different types of Christmas cookies to pass around to friends and family has already taken a major hit; now I'm wondering if Oreos will do.

So here's where we have to make peace with our expectations:
Sit down,
Have a hot cuppa,
Breathe (repeat this last step indefinitely).

It's vital that you think about your priorities before you join the bustling crowd singing around the cash registers. Consider the folks you really treasure and what they'd really appreciate from you.

I've learned that several of my friends know they have enough possessions but really want to spend friend time over a Happy Meal. Some other friends would love some cards with pre-stamped envelopes; all they have to do is drop a quick note to someone who loves to receive a personal word.
Still others loooove homemade soups and cookies and really don't care at all about more knicknacks.

I have a friend who took an embarassing photo of me and had it made into photo Christmas cards and gave them to me (I sure hope I have all the copies).

One year I took little bits of yarn and placed it in a small basket. When my friend opened it I explained it was a weekly supply of string bikinis to use in her new swimming pool.

The point is, we need to take a break and simplify. Respect the meaning of the holiday and determine you're going to do less and enjoy more.

Relaxing takes work.

But in taking a break you're refreshed and just may find the need for a little redirection.
Let everyone else get frenzied and flustered. Then when they see you smiling through it all they'll either think you're medicated or have found the solution to holiday stress.

Either way they'll want some too.

p.s. Don't forget to keep up with my blogs and spread the news about my book. We need to provide as much encouragement as possible this time of year.

The Importance of Priorities

I don't know about you,but I struggle with priorities. Instead of moving gracefully through my day I am guilty of many stops and false starts, as I push relentlessly on until there's no more energy left. Then I find I've spent all my time on something I didn't like and ignored the things that matter to me.

I know most of us are guilty of this. We think that once we do 'one more thing' we'll sit down and enjoy ourselves. Yet once we do take the time to relax, we've gone past the point of no return.

That's when the anger and crankiness sets in and we create conflict in our lives.

Case in point is the holidays. Since they are coming quickly, I'm sure you will remember how it was at your house last year.

Generally speaking, we know what snares we seem to fall into every year and we vow to do things differently. I think we forget, however, once we get our decorations down and house back in order, how stressful it truly was. We forget the time we spent slicing and dicing for a new recipe no one really liked. We buy way too many gifts we can't afford and give them to people who don't need them.

I think we have great intentions but we go about it all wrong.

So here's a few suggestions that might help you finally enjoy the season you work so hard to make special:

1. What do you value about the holidays? Is it the decorating? If so, focus on style and design and forget about offering the little candies and cookies that stress you out. If you identify festivities with food, concentrate on the little details that promote your interest.

2. What isn't stressful for you? If your idea of a wonderful Christmas is taking the kids to see Santa then make that a priority and forget about hosting the big party you dread every year.

3. What do you want your friends and family to remember with fondness (and not quake in fear when they think of it): a white elephant gift exchange when Uncle Leroy got the Billy Bass wall plaque that wouldn't shut up, or the sight of you having a meltdown because the poinsettia print on your tablecloth didn't quite match the pointsettias on your cloth napkins?

It's all a matter of making memories ahead of time. Is what I'm doing right now going to resonate happily as I think back on it later? Do I want to overwork and overplan and underenjoy yet another holiday?
It is important to have your priorities in the right place. NOT what someone else thinks is necessary but what you do well and can enjoy while you're doing it.

Truly, most people don't think about what you did or didn't do at the last family gathering. If you're happy and at ease, they'll remember the great conversation and the fun they had relating to everyone there.

So consider your priorities and let the other stuff go.

p.s. Don't forget to email me @ stlwazzy@aol.com if you want a free copy of Top Tips for Managing Anger.

Christmas Cheer Overload

I have finally experienced too much of a good thing.
We decided to pare down the gift giving for the 2009 holiday season.

The rules were simple:

$10 limit per person. However, each item had to be handmade, resale, pre-owned, repurposed or purloined from someone else (my idea of purloined is asking a friend if they had something they no longer wanted that I could have). The only stipulation was that each gift had to be nicely wrapped-and the paper had to be old/used/pre-owned as well.

I admit I had a blast obtaining items from random places and wrapping them up. There was a reckless abandon in finding things and hiding them. And I like to believe everyone else had fun as well.

Here's where the problem arose.

We put no limit on the number of gifts each person should receive. So when I had 5 gifts for one person that had little or no cost, I kept looking for ways to spend that $10 on them. I think everyone else had the same thinking, especially when we looked at the Christmas tree and the gifts were spilling out into the middle of the living room. It must have taken us several hours to unwrap everything till it got ridiculous.

Too many blessings! So many cool things we either couldn't remember what we had or couldn't fully appreciate them all. Seriously, we all looked a little exhausted as we viewed the mayhem and madness after the fact.

Over the last week I've been reliving that experience, of feeling overwhelmed with TOO MUCH good stuff. It got me to thinking of how God sometimes metes out our blessings in tiny amounts and we wish He'd be more generous. We look at other folks who have things we'd like to have or have the funds to do things we'd love to do and wish we were blessed like that. We're so certain we can handle it.

But I'm not so sure.

How pointless it would be to receive so many blessings we can't absorb them all. I'd hate for them to go to waste, wouldn't you?
And I'd hate to take anything for granted in the blessing process. I want to enjoy it ALL.

I'm already planning our holiday rules for next year. As much as I loved all the time and attention my family lavished on me this year I want it to be more measured next time. I want to oohh and ahhh over every item and hear the story behind where it came from and hug and kiss the giver.

And I want my God-given blessings to be appreciated the same way.