Have You Ever?

Have you ever had the feeling you've already been where you're going?
Like you aren't sure you have to do something or have already done it?

I find myself standing in the middle of a room trying to remember why I'm there. The only way I can tell is by what I'm holding in my hands or what I'm wearing (that isn't a terribly reliable indicator, of course).

These last few days I've felt like I've been stuck in a revolving door, endlessly going round and round. Finally I get squirted out into the world wondering where I was and what brought me here.

My first week in my new office went pretty well. My clients were complimentary and sessions were fruitful.

But just like in a new house, I was aware of all the creaks and thunks and noises in the room. At times it was all I could do to focus on the task at hand.

What I discovered afterwards was weird and cool at the same time (like me...).
We were able to focus because the issues of life and necessary healing were more important than petty distractions (again, like me).

After a while I noticed that I hadn't noticed anything outside my room. All the flurry that got me to this point was no longer important.

Have you ever found that when the crisis/task/change you had to experience ended, you had a choice to look back or look ahead? It's vital to be able to concentrate on the future rather than the past.

So, as I continue to adapt my new office to reflect who I am and what I do, I want to give thanks to all who helped get me here.

Despite my fears and misgivings, God has helped me survive the revolving door, even if He had to squirt me out the door when I least expected it.

Coming Up For Air

It has been a looonng last few months. I haven't had time to do laundry (see prior blog) much less write on this blog.

It amazes me how time can fly when you're not thinking much or doing much.
I've been known to doodle away a week or so just getting lost in a book or shopping. I've become a fervent 'lady who lunches.'

But these last few weeks have dragged by. I've been dreading the passage of each day and here's why:

Change.

In January I was told that I needed to relocate my counseling office due to a change in ministry focus at Harvester Christian Church. They'd graciously extended scheduling and support since I'd become acquainted with them 9 years ago.

The process of striking out on my own and the details that are necessary really freaked me out.

I remember hearing this little inner voice (?) say, "I'm not old enough to do this."
Of course, I gave myself whiplash as I realized that I certainly AM old enough!
So that thought had to be surrendered.

Then dear daughter Kari told me she'd purchased her plane ticket to move to LA. I'd known for over a year that she and her husband Gareth had planned to make that move; that's why they were forcing themselves to live in our basement while working fiendishly to save up money to move.

It came to me that this was a big deal. That my family might never be the same as it was. That our future interactions would take work and planning.

My two weaknesses.

Along with that dear daughter was cast in a local production of Steel Magnolias.
Have you ever seen Steel Magnolias?

It's rough, I'll tell you. There was not a dry eye in the audience and I sobbed like a kid who dropped her ice cream cone on the ground.

I experienced grief and loss as I watched that play. It was a real tearjerker. And Kari played the Julia Roberts character who doesn't make it to the last scene.

I barely made it through that one.

So now she's moved forward in her life and Gareth will be joining her in a few weeks. I love her so much and will miss them both terribly. Everyone is telling me to Skype but I'm still trying to figure out how to email so it may take a while.

So now my office is moved, the pressure is off, and now it's time to come up for air. I feel like I've been in labor for three months.

I think I'll be okay. I'm blessed with helpful and irritating friends who love me too much to let me hide. They stayed away when I needed time to process stuff and kicked my rear end when I was overdoing it.
Believe me, when it's time to repay the favor I'll be there with great zeal...

I'm excited for the future, for the opportunities that might come my way.

But if you see me in the next few weeks, please ignore the twitch in my right eye and left shoulder. I've heard they will lessen over time.

When I Was Your Age

It's true:

The older you get the smarter your parents become.

I know this is true because I hear myself saying the same things to my kids my fuddy duddy parents said to me.

Things like:

Be careful
Just wait until (fill in the blank)
When I was a kid
It's my house and I can say what I want
If you don't work you don't eat.

I'm realizing that such comments weren't meant to criticize or demean me. They were intended to reach across the years of experience and hard knocks to perhaps help me avoid doing some pretty foolish things.

I wonder how the folks felt when I did something foolish anyway.

So as I share old fogey-isms with my own kids and anyone else within earshot,let me challenge you to listen to yourself as you speak to your loved ones. Make sure your words are meant to guide and not to demean.

In the stillness of your heart, utter a blessing to those who have invested into your life words of caution and experience.

Then maybe you'll appreciate your life, your job, your church, your family and friends and be thankful for them.

Be careful
Look both ways
Chew your food
Don't talk with your mouth full
Eat your vegetables

One day you'll thank me.

Purpose of Pain

I am not a masochist.
The idea of purposely hurting myself seems ridiculous;I don't even pluck my eyebrows due to the discomfort.

However, that's not to say I don't recognize when pain is necessary:

I go to the doctor for injections so I can feel better
I go to the dentist for a filling so I am healthier and improve my appearance
I move away from a bad relationship with no future
I change jobs or location to invest in a new and better life.

Over the years I've heard many complaints about how upset/angry people are that there is pain in their lives. I feel for them, I really do. I've experienced enough sleepless nights trying to figure it out, come up with an explanation, and even negotiate with God in an effort to escape pain myself.
I've come to this conclusion: Very few of us would willingly make changes, move ahead, take care of ourselves, surrender our will if we had our say in the matter. We just wouldn't. No one I know suffers willingly.
But once the pain has been experienced and it's all behind us, we admit it somehow helped us:
Our tooth no longer hurts
The fever is broken
I'm attracting healthier people into my life
The new job/location is so ME.

The next time (or maybe right now) you're facing pain consider this:
It's a passageway to get you over THERE.
There is a light and a purpose. A benefit you don't see yet.
But you will, I promise.

Being an Agent of Change

Conflict is never easy. My Wordfinder dictionary describes conflict as:
'a state of opposition or hostilities, a fight or struggle, the opposition of incompatable needs in a person.'

A state of opposition. Let's discuss this concept.

When someone or something brings about conflict in our lives, we feel victimized. It feels as if we are being pecked to death by a herd of hens (ever heard of hens? Sure you have...).

It's hard to accept conflict when we're on the receiving end of it; when we have to deal with the consequences of the situation whether we deserved it or not. We are left scrambling to sort out how to regain what was normal in our lives and it's difficult.

While it's hard to adapt to difficulties we didn't create, I think it's even more painful to be the person who caused the trouble in the first place:

The boss who had to give the young single mom a pink slip due to downsizing,
The doctor revealing negative test results,
The person whose friend gets injured or even killed while helping change a blown tire on the side of the road,
The apartment-sitter who accidently set off the smoke alarm in a four story retirement building (yes, that was me).

Each of these examples, to name a very few, demonstrate the burden being carried by individuals who find themselves the agent of change in someone else's life. It ain't pretty.

I've had long chats with people who are worried about the ramifications of downsizing their department at work, of evicting their adult children from their home, of taking back a car or cell phone because it it was being mismanaged.

After counseling for a long time I have to suggest this possibility:

I believe in the possibility that we go through conflict/bad times so we change the path we're on. I believe that many of us stay in jobs too long, at home too long, in bad dating relationships too long simply because it's what we're used to. It gets comfortable to have a predictable life.

But that's not what our lives are meant to be.

We are to be agents of change not only in our own lives, but in the lives of others.

Someone's gotta do it.

For example, several years ago, I met a young woman who'd come to me due to shame over having received a speeding ticket. She was devastated. Her reaction to being pulled over genuinely concerned the police officer who'd clocked her going well over the speed limit.
This reaction was so severe her husband insisted she seek counseling.

Here comes the interesting part.

During the course of our sessions, it was suggested she go to her primary care doctor to discuss possible medications to help her during this time.
It was while the doctor was performing tests on this woman that it was discovered she had the early stages of cancer. She was to have surgery to remove the cancerous cells but they felt they'd caught it early.

What sticks with me in this situation is this: If she hadn't been pulled over, she wouldn't have freaked out, wouldn't have seen a counselor, wouldn't have gone to the doctor, wouldn't have found the cancerous cells and been treated.

I wonder where she'd be right now.

I wonder how the police officer felt pulling over such a distraught woman.

I wonder how her husband felt insisting she get out of her comfort zone and seek counseling.

I know how her counselor felt pushing her to go the the doctor.

It's interesting to note that most change occurs during difficult times; someone loses a job so they have to find a new one job they ended up liking better. A man falls off a ladder and breaks his leg and gets to spend more time with his family until he heals. A couple discovers they can't bear their own children so they become foster parents.

In my experience, nothing we ever encounter is wasted in our lives. We learn, we adapt, we are brought to different decisions we wouldn't have made if all other options hadn't been removed.

Here's a challenge: Think about the blessings you would never have received if something bad hadn't happened. In the example above, think of the boss, the doctor, the friend, the apartment sitter. I'm sure each one of them felt terrible for causing pain and discomfort to others. Yet if they only knew the results of their action they'd be if not pleased, at least relieved to know what happened created some good.

It's not always about us; we must release the 'what ifs' and 'if onlys' and accept that what looks like Plan B in someone's life may actually be the new birth of Plan A.

*If you enjoy this blog make sure you become a follower listed at the top of this page. Also, my book, Lord, Shut Me Up! is still available on Amazon.com.