To Those Who Grieve

Mere words can't describe how it must feel to lose someone dear to you. And mere words can't convey our sympathy and sorrow at your loss.

At times like this it's fear of saying or doing the wrong thing that keeps most of us silent; we don't know how to fix it. We can't take your pain away, nor can we fully understand the extent of how you must hurt.

Please know that we don't think it's fair either. It doesn't fit our grand scheme of life that someone who is a 'good guy' should be taken while others who are 'not so good' are left behind.

So forgive us if we say the wrong thing to you right now, or worse yet, don't say anything at all.

For me, it's because I don't want to disrespect your trauma. I don't want to overwhelm you with trite comments or anger you by telling you this event is God's Will.

No one really knows why this was allowed to happen.

So please know that you and your family are in our prayers. We will limp alongside you as you struggle to make sense of it all.

Let your friends and family grieve with you.

That's all we can do right now.

Feedback and Suggestions

I'm really intrigued by how this blog works.
Apparently if I write something over here in St. Louis, anyone in the world with a computer can access it.
How cool!
So far I've had readers from Russia. Brazil, Malaysia, Canada, and far away states here in America. I hope my thoughts and suggestions are useful but I may never know.
That's why I'm asking for suggestions.
What topics are important to you? Where am I hitting the mark and what isn't helping?
I'm speaking from my heart each time I blog, praying that someone will be blessed or motivated by what I write. I do care about my readers, even the ones I'll never meet.
So help me out here, gang.
While I continue writing what I feel God has given me, feel free to let me know how I can help you. Let me know if I'm hitting the target once in a while.
Thanks for reading and I look forward to hearing from you.

Purpose of Pain

I am not a masochist.
The idea of purposely hurting myself seems ridiculous;I don't even pluck my eyebrows due to the discomfort.

However, that's not to say I don't recognize when pain is necessary:

I go to the doctor for injections so I can feel better
I go to the dentist for a filling so I am healthier and improve my appearance
I move away from a bad relationship with no future
I change jobs or location to invest in a new and better life.

Over the years I've heard many complaints about how upset/angry people are that there is pain in their lives. I feel for them, I really do. I've experienced enough sleepless nights trying to figure it out, come up with an explanation, and even negotiate with God in an effort to escape pain myself.
I've come to this conclusion: Very few of us would willingly make changes, move ahead, take care of ourselves, surrender our will if we had our say in the matter. We just wouldn't. No one I know suffers willingly.
But once the pain has been experienced and it's all behind us, we admit it somehow helped us:
Our tooth no longer hurts
The fever is broken
I'm attracting healthier people into my life
The new job/location is so ME.

The next time (or maybe right now) you're facing pain consider this:
It's a passageway to get you over THERE.
There is a light and a purpose. A benefit you don't see yet.
But you will, I promise.

Spring is Coming!

Although Dave Murray, our local weatherman, says St. Louis will experience several 'false Springs' this year I am encouraged.

Yes, there are signs of Spring everywhere, from the pre-teens walking around sleeveless (oh, to be young again) to the clogged gutters on my house.

But I realize it's all temporary; we're not out of the woods as far as freezing rain and still more snow. That's when we wonder if the darkness will ever end. Will it ever be warm again?

This all too brief sunlit day is giving me enough hope to tough it out.

It's a reminder that soon, soon, soon, we'll have light, warmth and growth.

We can hang in there. We have hope and encouragement.

Let's bring these thoughts back to our everyday experiences:

When it feels dark and cold and dead we can be strong (or stubborn) enough to hang tight until the Spring comes. And it will come.

Soon.

Our Lives Are Stories in the Making

When trials strike it feels like time stops.

We are numb to our experiences; tomorrow has no meaning. Sometimes all we can do is remind ourselves to keep breathing.

We've all been dealt blows that force us to curl up into a fetal position and pray it's all a bad dream.

We already know it's a nightmare.

We're shocked to discover that almost everyone else's lives go on. They can keep on with their daily routines without thinking much about it. The world is still spinning while we feel ours has stopped. Frankly, it ticks me off that the sun still rises and falls when I'm suffering.

I don't want to make light of anyone's trauma. I just want to offer this thought:

The story isn't over.

Looking back over the worst chapters in my life, I realize now that they were merely a part of where I am and who I have become.

The same is true for all of us when we reflect on our past.

If THIS hadn't happened then THAT wouldn't have happened and I wouldn't be HERE.

So let me offer hope to anyone who feels stunted or trapped by their circumstances.

God knows what He's doing even if it seems pointless. His view of us and His decisions are based on an eternal perspective. Hope says keep going. Keep the story moving forward.

Because the story is still being written.

Texting is Trouble

A texting glitch nearly cost me a good friendship today.

For a long time I've ranted about the aggravations technology brings to our lives. I've referred to my experiences in a previous blog. I've spoken of it humorously but it really isn't funny.

Many relational arguments are created by websites, chat rooms, Facebook, instant messages and texts. Anger/hurt due to misunderstandings often create rifts between people that can be nearly impossible to close. We assume the wrong was intentional and don't ask for clarification.

We've been taught to believe technology over the word of a human being. Protestations of innocence are drowned out by irrefutable(?) facts; if there's a difference of opinion then there must be deliberate deception.

I want to suggest that technology isn't always foolproof; my experience today convinced me.

I had made plans with my friend earlier in the week and we needed to firm up our plans for today. So I texted her around 6:00 p.m. last night. I was slightly surprised as the evening went on that I hadn't heard from her.

Still hearing nothing, I went to bed around 11 p.m., assured we'd make plans in the morning.

My cellphone burped and chirped @ about 1:15 a.m. relating a message that scolded me for not contacting her and that she was going to bed. I got another text this morning telling me she was letting me off easy because I'd upset her (and woke her up) by texting her at 1:30 a.m.

Only... I was asleep at 1:30 and had sent that message at 6p.m. and she was just now getting it.

So here she was, upset and unable to get back to sleep due to a delayed message. I'm sure she was imagining all sorts of evil against me (at 1:30 in the morning who wouldn't?) because I was so thoughtless.

When we did meet this morning we both held up our cellphones and looked at each other's times and messages to confirm what had happened.

It turns out that we had BOTH messaged each other at about the same time and neither one of us got our texts in a timely manner. Forcing ourselves to discuss it helped us both to be able to confirm what really happened.

We got to talking about how many relationships are damaged because of a delay in transmissions, each person feeling hurt and disrespected. It convinces me that we must fight to maintain control over technology and that we need to be willing to listen to conflicting stories.

So here's the thing. How many times have we assumed that machines can't lie? That someone is trying to fool or cheat us? That we are being made a fool of?

How many times have we been told otherwise and we've refused to believe it?

Take my suggestion: Double check what you see vs. what you are told. Talk it over and respect your relationships by listening and being willing to accept inconsistencies. Be willing to consider that technology may be wrong.

After all, didn't man create the machines?

Blessing Journal

Lately I've noticed how easily we focus on the irritations and crummy things that happen to us throughout our day; the green lights missed and the coffee spills on the furniture. What we forget is that for every negative occurrance there are probably three or more positive experiences we overlook.

That is why I strongly suggest we all keep a blessings journal.

A blessings journal is a special notebook for each person to keep. It can be as simple as the back of an envelope or as formal as a leather bound notebook kept under lock and key.

The point of the journal is to record the blessings, or positive experiences, each day brings.

Now I know some of you are saying, "Oh, Karen, I barely have time to brush my teeth and you expect me to have time to sit down and write into a journal every day?"

Not exactly. I can't sit down for an extended length of time and write in flowery language each and every thing I observe. That would last...not at all.

I can't do it.

But I can grab my journal and write:

Lunch with Bernice.
Sale on mukluks.
Exfoliation successful.

What I notice in people who have begun a journal is that their outlook is beginning to change. They are looking for entries to put into their book. They begin to notice when something happens they would normally overlook. Good stuff.

What follows is a change of heart and attitude that does a lot for their state of mind. I've seen the most negative person motor along with a lift in their spirit as they keep their eyes up rather than down.

One of the greatest thing about keeping a journal is that when things do turn dark and we stumble, we can reread our blessing entries and be reminded that life is good after all. It gives us strength to keep going and expect the tide to turn once more.

I want you to try my idea and see what you think. Keep a list for a few days and reflect on how you feel at the end of the allotted time. It can be simple and you don't have to share it with anyone.

I guarantee you will feel more energized and hopeful. You might even find yourself logging comments made by friends and family wondering what has caused your change of heart.
And wouldn't THAT be a blessing?