Goals vs Resolutions

Resolutions get a bad rap.

We think that to make a resolution is to vow to fail. How many of us well-meaning people start out the year promising themselves they'll become more perfect the coming year?

That can include not smoking or drinking, exercizing more,reading Scripture more often, becoming more friendly, being less of a jerk...

It implies that we're supposed to become a different person (only better?)once the clock strikes 12.

Then at 12:05 we mess up.

We feel like a failure and over time we refuse to make resolutions knowing it will only magnify how weak or undisciplined we are.

How we're stuck being who we are.

However, goals mean something else entirely. Goal weight, goal running time, financial or academic goals. Reading through the Bible in a year goals.
The word 'goal' is more hopeful. It doesn't imply failure but daily progress.

I encourage all of us (me too) to realistically accept that goals are future oriented rather than in the here and now.

I hate it when I tell dear hubby that I shouldn't be so moody and he responds by saying (wait for it) "Then DON'T."

I don't think he realizes how close I am to resolve to smack him in the head!

Just as we expect our friends and loved ones to respect our efforts and love us in spite of our failures I think we need to do the same thing for ourselves.

RESOLVE that you're going to set practical GOALS for yourself daily. Turn your back on expecting to be able to keep impractical RESOLUTIONS.

My days of wishing to be an olympic gymnast is probably not gonna happen. And that's okay. I don't want to intimidate the youngsters who still have that goal.

Have You Ever?

Have you ever had the feeling you've already been where you're going?
Like you aren't sure you have to do something or have already done it?

I find myself standing in the middle of a room trying to remember why I'm there. The only way I can tell is by what I'm holding in my hands or what I'm wearing (that isn't a terribly reliable indicator, of course).

These last few days I've felt like I've been stuck in a revolving door, endlessly going round and round. Finally I get squirted out into the world wondering where I was and what brought me here.

My first week in my new office went pretty well. My clients were complimentary and sessions were fruitful.

But just like in a new house, I was aware of all the creaks and thunks and noises in the room. At times it was all I could do to focus on the task at hand.

What I discovered afterwards was weird and cool at the same time (like me...).
We were able to focus because the issues of life and necessary healing were more important than petty distractions (again, like me).

After a while I noticed that I hadn't noticed anything outside my room. All the flurry that got me to this point was no longer important.

Have you ever found that when the crisis/task/change you had to experience ended, you had a choice to look back or look ahead? It's vital to be able to concentrate on the future rather than the past.

So, as I continue to adapt my new office to reflect who I am and what I do, I want to give thanks to all who helped get me here.

Despite my fears and misgivings, God has helped me survive the revolving door, even if He had to squirt me out the door when I least expected it.

Coming Up For Air

It has been a looonng last few months. I haven't had time to do laundry (see prior blog) much less write on this blog.

It amazes me how time can fly when you're not thinking much or doing much.
I've been known to doodle away a week or so just getting lost in a book or shopping. I've become a fervent 'lady who lunches.'

But these last few weeks have dragged by. I've been dreading the passage of each day and here's why:

Change.

In January I was told that I needed to relocate my counseling office due to a change in ministry focus at Harvester Christian Church. They'd graciously extended scheduling and support since I'd become acquainted with them 9 years ago.

The process of striking out on my own and the details that are necessary really freaked me out.

I remember hearing this little inner voice (?) say, "I'm not old enough to do this."
Of course, I gave myself whiplash as I realized that I certainly AM old enough!
So that thought had to be surrendered.

Then dear daughter Kari told me she'd purchased her plane ticket to move to LA. I'd known for over a year that she and her husband Gareth had planned to make that move; that's why they were forcing themselves to live in our basement while working fiendishly to save up money to move.

It came to me that this was a big deal. That my family might never be the same as it was. That our future interactions would take work and planning.

My two weaknesses.

Along with that dear daughter was cast in a local production of Steel Magnolias.
Have you ever seen Steel Magnolias?

It's rough, I'll tell you. There was not a dry eye in the audience and I sobbed like a kid who dropped her ice cream cone on the ground.

I experienced grief and loss as I watched that play. It was a real tearjerker. And Kari played the Julia Roberts character who doesn't make it to the last scene.

I barely made it through that one.

So now she's moved forward in her life and Gareth will be joining her in a few weeks. I love her so much and will miss them both terribly. Everyone is telling me to Skype but I'm still trying to figure out how to email so it may take a while.

So now my office is moved, the pressure is off, and now it's time to come up for air. I feel like I've been in labor for three months.

I think I'll be okay. I'm blessed with helpful and irritating friends who love me too much to let me hide. They stayed away when I needed time to process stuff and kicked my rear end when I was overdoing it.
Believe me, when it's time to repay the favor I'll be there with great zeal...

I'm excited for the future, for the opportunities that might come my way.

But if you see me in the next few weeks, please ignore the twitch in my right eye and left shoulder. I've heard they will lessen over time.

Confessions from a Dirty Old Gal

Some people can tell when they're too busy or distracted by how empty their refrigerators are. Some folks find sticky notes everywhere and can't figure out what goes where. Other people cry 'Uncle' when they discovered they've delivered the wrong kid to the wrong activity on the wrong day.

Not me. When I'm too busy I run out of clean clothes.

I've become aware that longer I go between laundry days the better my wardrobe becomes.

That's because I always grab my favorite sloppy-yet-clean t-shirt or jeans when I get up in the morning. I love certain items and wear them way too often.

Then, when these favorites get dirty I go to the next-favorite and repeat the same pattern.

So when I run out of my old stand-bys I have to resort to my church clothes; you know, the dark slacks and knit sweaters with the little designs on them. When those get soiled I turn to the black pants and sparkly number I last wore to Aunt Dorothy's 50th wedding anniversary.

Once my choices are to wear an old bridesmaid dress or do laundry I think about it...

And do laundry.

It almost feels like a shopping spree when I unearth what's been languishing in the bottom of the laundry basket; I haven't seen those duds in weeks!

I'm not a bad person, really. I don't consider myself to dress badly enough to be a candidate for 'How Do I Look?' or 'What Not To Wear.'

But I wonder if the emails of weirdly dressed people at Wal-Mart were merely busy folks grabbing the very last thing in their closets before breaking down and buying laundry detergent.

I can delay no longer... off I go to Wal-Mart for soaps and softeners needed to regain my beloved wardrobe.

Hmmm...I think I'll wear my sequinned tube top and plaid pajama bottoms. I mean, no one would be there with a camera at this time of night, would they?

Responsible and Unhappy

Anyone who states that growing up is fun hasn't grown up yet. Take it from someone who has delayed the process as long as possible.

There have been a lot of decisions I've had to make within the last several weeks that, if I'd been able to stay irresponsible, would have suited me just fine.

However, there comes a time when each of us has to stand firm and be....

Responsible.

I really value what I do. I feel blessed (and lucky) to be able to do something that has meaning; I have fun counseling and I enjoy connecting with people who need guidance.

But lately I've found that what I do involves responsibility to do what is necessary even when it's easier not to.

For example, it's waaaaay easier to buy new socks than to wash the dirty ones I already own. It's easier to go out for fast food than to cook. And it's easier to be a 'yes man' than to stand up for what is the best thing.

I always assumed that being obedient to God meant everything was going to be smooth. I pictured the Mary Engelbreit-type poster with the rosy-cheeked mom in a cute little cottage baking heart-shaped cookies.

She looked happy even though her clothes didn't match.

But I'm learning that obedience is sometimes aggravating and painful. My clothes match and I'm not all that pleased about it...

Anyway, I admit I'm a late bloomer. I just now (I qualify for senior citizen discounts at McD's) feel comfortable in my life. I've made it an art to be clueless to avoid making choices.

But it's painful to stay oblivious. To suddenly be made aware of facts that have been there all along hurts a lot.

I can't opt to choose happiness at the expense of responsibility. Someone suffers either way. I can only cling to the fact that my belief in God's direction will win out.

Maybe then I can be happy that I've chosen to be responsible.

When God Seems Distant

Difficult circumstances in our lives are unavoidable. I hate that feeling of disbelief; it feels as if you've fallen out of an airplane and you forgot your parachute.
At those times, despite fervant and desperate prayers, it seems as if God is:
Playing a game
He's looking the other way
He just plain old doesn't care.

I see so many people who experience such confusion. They wonder who sucker punched them and why. What did they do that was so bad?
Not only is there pain about the actual situation; there is also pain in wondering why God didn't protect them or spare them completely.

At those times all we can do is hang on until the ride is over.

Then we get a chance to look back at the ordeal and reassess. What really happened and how we handled it. What we could have done better. What we did well.
Finally, we are able to recognize that God wasn't so distant after all; He has a perfect sense of timing. What we experienced was a moment of time in a process that God has orchestrated from the beginning.

Listen, I don't pretend to be an expert about trials and tribulations except for the fact that I've survived quite a few. And I witness many clients as they reel back in reaction to an unexpected hardship.

But I'm experienced enough to know that I don't really submit to God until I'm broken. And that's when I can finally get out of the way for Him to help me.

So it seems that God is not so distant after all. He's molding us and protecting us during the circumstances of our lives so we can acknowledge His guidance in our lives.
I really want to encourage you when you feel alone in your pain. Keep breathing and wait. Assume that God knows what's going on and everything has to play out.

Pushing Through Our Faith

It's one thing to talk about what we believe. Many of us are true scholars when it comes to the tenets of our beliefs.

In Bible college, many of my classmates were downright smug that they could recite the kings of the Old Testament in order and describe the history of the ancient prophets.

Me, I still had to look up the location of Hezekiah in the index when pressured.

I've become aware of what a challenge it is to actually act on what we say we believe, especially when hard times hit.

Then, along with the rest of us (even those who have to 'cheat' by looking in the Concordance) most biblical scholars find themselves shaking in their boots at the prospect of believing it.

Lately, I've found myself really having to lean heavily on the words I nag my clients about:

God is Sovereign;He knows what's going on,
If God is God He will guide and protect,
Scripture says He knows your heart and He will provide your needs,

And the big one:
It has nothing to do with who you are, and everything to do with Who He is.

I've had to sit tight in situations that would normally make me run off and hide.

Lately it seems like all the encouraging words (the things I really believe) are being replayed in my mind despite my personal misgivings.

I've had to invoke the relationship God has promised me through His Word, especially the part about not having the spirit of fear (II Tim. 1:7). I've had to release my grasp on my opinions and emotions, fold my arms and allow God to show me what He can and plans to do in my life.

That last statement is funny, really. I wish I was as 'hands on' with housework, paperwork, and other tasks I'd rather not do as I am with wanting to have involvement in what goes on in my own life.

So, the challenge is not for God to prove that He can do what He says He can do.

The challenge is for me to let Him.