New Years Resolution Continued

This isn't a threat or a dare but I wonder how many new resolutions I could come up with throughout the year.

Resolutions are like goals but seem be more important than that. I know I know, most of us don't even make resolutions anymore. We get tired of failure.

Perhaps we define goals as 'wishes,' while resolutions seem more concrete. Wishes are dream-like, I think. Rarely do we believe our wishes will come true.

I used to wish that I could be happy and be appreciated for my natural abilities.

I desired to be seen as an asset in most situations. I wanted to be admired as a leader, whether it be teaching VBS, singing in a trio or duet in choir, or chosen to be in the school play.

So here's the weird part:

Each time I'd get asked to do those things you know what I'd do?

Turn it down.

I'd say, "Oh, no, I can't do that. I'm not smart enough, talented enough, organized enough..."

Then when someone else would be chosen or volunteer for the job I would kick myself.

"What is WRONG with you? You dummy! You know you wanted to do it, you have the time and the ability. WHY did you refuse?"

Of late I've been able to accept assignments more graciously. There's still a struggle as my natural reflex is to be irritatingly humble.

So here's my next resolution:

I will not downplay my abilities

I will be the first to admit that there are many things I can't do: I can't play a musical instrument, I can't ride a skateboard, I can't even touch my toes all that well! Numbers fog my brain and memorization leaves me in a cold sweat.

Each of us has a list of abilities we acknowledge we just don't have.

Yet...not one of us is entirely hopeless. In fact, as a demonstration of this resolution I will name a few of my own talents.

As I do I want you to think of your own.

I can:

sew

knit

groom dogs (yup)

hula

decorate

spell

make caramels

wiggle my ears

encourage others

scrapbook

tap dance

drive a stick shift

ad lib

paint

drywall

write

teach

cross stitch

can tomatoes

How did you do? I bet we possess way more abilities than we can even list if we gave ourselves a little time to think.

So here's the challenge:

Determine that you will NOT automatically refuse any task, invitation, or leadership role for fear you will look arrogant if you accept it. Practice a safe response such as, "Let me think about it and I'll let you know." And then really think about it...and really let them know.

Refuse to buckle under old habits of false humility; stand there calmly and listen. Unless someone is inviting you to do something unethical or immoral you have every right to believe you can accomplish it.

As you gain the assurance that you are fulfilling your abilities it will get easier. Really. Who knows what else you will discover you can do?

Remember that you don't have to accept everything that get's offered to you. Busyness will distract you and only lead to new resolutions for 2012.

Will you join me in this resolution? We may be surprised by the opportunities that open up once we determine to not downplay our abilities.

New Years Resolution Part Two

I have challenged myself to step up to my obstacles in 2011. We have all been taught to expect the unexpected (if the unexpected is to be expected won't that make the unexpected expected?).

Anyway, I am going to add another resolution to my list:

I will not downplay my neediness

The word 'neediness' takes a bum rap. It conjures up visions of someone clinging relentlessly onto someone or something and implies weakness. It is unwelcome and unattractive to us.

Yet I fear that when I display utter competence in all things I'm misleading people. While I don't want to appear weak and drooling to folks (I only drool in the privacy of my own home...) thus earning lack of respect, I don't want those dear to me to feel unimportant or distant.

Because the people in my life are important. They hold me up when I'm discouraged and hold me down when I get frantic. Oh, what wisdom it takes on their part to determine the difference!

In freely showing my neediness I am demonstrating that I choose to be vulnerable. I want to affirm them when they sense something is wrong and reach out to me to help.

Tell me if you've heard this one before:

Friend: "Are you okay? Is something wrong?"

You: "Yes, sure (sniff sniff rub nose on sleeve). I'm fine."

Friend: "No, really. Is there anything I can do to help?"

You: "No, I'm just fine (blot eyes with tissue). It's all good."

I've had the above conversations more times than I care to admit. Each time I thought I was being a brave little soldier. I was pulling myself up by my bootstraps, I was getting over it, moving on, developing a thick skin.

What I didn't realize each time was that my loved one was correctly tuning in to my heart and reaching out to help me emotionally.

And I slapped their hand aside.

Then, alone in my car, dorm room, apartment, stall in women's bathroom I would bewail the fact that no one ever cared for me.

Uhh...what?

So in 2011 I will not downplay my neediness. When I feel empty and alone I will reach out to a friend and/or loved one. I will share my heart. I will not deny someone their desire to help and bless me. I will be truthful when someone genuinely wants to know if I'm okay when I'm really falling apart.

Public drooling is allowed but I will attempt to be discreet.

New Years Resolution Part One

When you get to be my age (black and white tv,3 channels) there are more examples of resolutions that didn't get very far.

There were the well-meaning promises to be nice, to be helpful to my mother, and to keep my room clean that didn't make it past the first week or so.

Then came the vows to do better in school, to be popular, to perfect a hobby, and to quit being sassy. Again, those vows went kaput.

I moved on to more meaningful, deeply spiritual promises. I would read the Bible faithfully, I would become a prayer warrior, I would evangelize the world. That one died when I lost my Bible and finally found it three months later under a cushion in our living room.

Next came the self-improvement resolutions: no candy, no soda, no junk food, more good food, more exercise, more make-up, more beauty regimens. This one probably took up more of my mental energy as I always renewed my promises but always failed to meet my own standards.

For many years thereafter I gave up resolutions. I self-righteously believed that if I was supposed to be doing something good I shouldn't have to have a special Day to begin doing it.

What a cop out.

So here's what I've been thinking lately: I'm really good at knowing what I'm supposed to do but not doing it. It'sbeen an excuse for me to do nothing; I mean, where do you begin with a list that long?
I'm convinced that most of us are aware of what we SHOULDN'T do in our lives. We know we shouldn't stick our tongues out at people, shouldn't skip in line, shouldn't interrupt. Self-control seems to be the best method for personal growth.

So here goes:

I resolve that I will not shirk my responsibilities.

By that I mean when I become aware of a task that needs to be done I will not pretend I don't see it. There is the obvious meaning of chores and laundry and picking up stuff.

But there's also the habit I have of overlooking my value as a child of God. Of not stepping up and accepting my responsibility of being loved.
So many times I find myself avoiding a blessing because I'm convinced it was meant for someone else. I joke my way out of it or use diversion instead of basking in it.

There are requirements involved with this resolution. The main one is to receive and enjoy that love. Another one is to not freak out when faced with such an honor. Don't downplay it.
It is what it is.

I also resolve to not avoid my relationships with other people for fear they aren't being equally blessed.
I need to remind myself that relationships are a great way to learn about ourselves, good or bad. Do I refresh my friends? Do they refresh me? Am I able to tell them the truth and can I hear it from them?
The same goes with family members. We will not always get along. But when I shirk my responsibilities I am making a statement with my behavior that they will never change. I categorize them and take away our future together.

Enough said. I have more resolutions to share with you in future blogs. But I want to challenge you to think about your own 'non-resolutions' this year.

What won't YOU do?


(Don't forget to pass this blog along to your friends and family. Who knows what might be the right word at the right time?)

Enjoying the Holidays

The holiday food is eaten and the packages are unwrapped; your blood pressure is leveling off and the mayhem has ceased.

Now what?

Think back on what has relentlessly filled your mind these last few days/weeks/months.

Lists and more lists, tasks and more tasks, obligations and more obligations.

It's exhausting to be so jolly for so long.

At some point we see that there is no more to do and all that's left is allowing ourselves to enjoy what we've done.

I think it's hard to do.

I know I spend so much time deciding and guiding the festivities for everyone I'm wiped out and miss most of the fun because my mind is still racing:

Is their reaction honest?

Did I get the right gift for them?

Did I remember everything?

Am I scarring them for life because I forgot something?

Maybe it's just me but I noticed something odd in many Christmas movies:

They seem to have time to do everything, they remember details and they enjoy the process.

Plus people are happy (glowing, even) with receiving one gift.

It's almost irritating.

I find I'm so distracted by the business end of the holiday I forget the fun end.

So I'm trying to do it different this year and simply enjoy myself.

We've had a beautiful fluffy snowfall this year and it's breathtaking. It's all so...perfect.

It reminds me that we can't control every aspect of our lives. That we'd have done okay without the snow feature but having it somehow makes it all even more delightful.

It also reminds me that God takes care of the big stuff and even the small details. Like snow.

My challenge now is to behave how I believe; God is in charge so I'm free to relax.

Enjoy

Appreciate

Bless

Be blessed

Rest in the assurance that this Christmas is all about relationship(s). Not only relationships with our dear ones, but a relationship with our Dear One.

So it's time, my friends, to surrender the planning and working mode your brain has been in. You've been pushing and pulling the sled for a long time; now it's time to jump on it yourself and go for a wonderful ride.

WHHEEEEEEEEEE!

Learning to Be Satisfied

So how's everyone doing? I hope you are pacing yourselves and enjoying the process of Christmas.

I think it's interesting to watch people shop at the last minute. After a while they're frantically throwing just about anything into their cart for a stocking stuffer. Random comments such as, "I know Loretta likes...towels. Yeah, towels. So I bet she'd like this orange one on sale from Halloween." Moms and Dads are threatening their exhausted kids that Santa won't visit them if they don't behave.

People are losing their perspective as panic sets in.

I'm aware of an anxiety that's rising within me; I'm conflicted and confused but the reason may not be what you think. (Those of you who know me are thinking, "What? She's ALWAYS confused!").

Hear me out.

I'm struggling with the realization I have to learn to be satisfied.

Not satisfaction with what I want or may receive as a gift. Like most of us I have plenty and then some.

My discomfort comes from the fact that I have to be satisfied with the amount of gifts I GIVE to the family members and other folks I love.

Isn't it true? How do we express how we truly feel about our loved ones? I know for myself, mere words can't express the depth of love and appreciation I feel for the people in my life.

The only way we know of is to give gifts. Lots of gifts. Too many gifts. The bigger the better.

But then even after the giving and the thank you's we follow up with,

"Did you really like it? Huh? Huh? Did you? You're not just saying that, are you?"

So here's where the challenge is:

Accept that you can't give someone a gift equal to their personal value. You just can't. I know I've tried and maxed out credit cards in the past in my effort to 'get it right this year.'

Instead, determine that you're going to show your dear ones all year long how you feel about them. Don't save up all the good stuff till the end of the year, dump it in their laps and expect them to read your mind and your heart.

You will always be unhappy the next time you see that item laying unused in their room/house. You will equate your value with how they treat your gift.

So don't use Christmas items as a symbol for who you are and what you mean to your loved ones. Purchase a simple gift you know they will enjoy and let it go. It's a tough bit of advice I'm having to heed myself.

So as I've been saying all along:

Take a deep breath, repeat indefinitely.

Relax and decide that you're going to be satisfied.

Lessons Learned From a Bad Mood

So here I am at the end of a very long day and I have a confession to make:

I didn't want to go to work today.

Oh come on, don't act so surprised. I'm sure you've felt like calling in sick lots of times.
The problem is I'm my own boss.

I tried to convince myself I was coming down with something terribly contagious and for the good of mankind I should stay home.
Maybe I was going to have car trouble. Or maybe the weather was dangerous to drive in.
Or
Or
Or nothing. I had no excuse for staying home except I just wanted a do-over for the day.

Have you ever been so cranky you just want to avoid everyone? I have and it only feels so good to feel so bad for so long. Eventually you have to get out of your fuzzy jammies and brave the world in spite of yourself.

I hate that part when I have a good grump going on.

So today I forced myself to be a grownup and went to work despite my druthers.
And you know what?

Today I got to talk to someone who felt really scared about life. I also got to meet a person who just needs some encouragement. And someone else who was having family trouble and needed to vent. Another client had some transitions coming and needed to think out loud.

I love that stuff! By the end of the evening I felt downright reinvigorated. Great even.

Something about reaching out to encourage others encourages me. It helps me remember that life isn't all about me. To switch my focus from me, mine, to you, yours reminds me that God created us to help each other out.

Maybe you can't help anyone out this year financially. Not many of us can. But each one of us can give a part of ourselves to someone else. It could be your time to help someone put up Christmas lights. You could help someone wrap gifts or share extra Christmas cookies (hint!).
Just the willingness to listen to someone means everything.

So I did end up going to work but it didn't seem like work once I got there.

And I think the person who was helped the most was me.

Time For a Break

I know it's the last weekend before the Christmas holiday crunch begins. Already I'm having trouble finding a parking spot and having to play 'chicken' with grocery carts at Wal-Mart. I think if I earned a nickle for every time I heard Andy Williams sing "It's The Most Wonderful Time of The Year" somewhere I could retire a wealthy woman indeed.

Isn't it going too far when the countdown until Christmas is a permanent fixture on your television screen? The other day I thought I was watching channel 10 for about an hour before I realized I wasn't: They were kindly reminding me there were 10 days before the Big Day.

Pressure, pressure, pressure.

We're in the final lap, gang.

Now's the time to decide what great plans get tossed and what will really happen. My efforts to bake a bizillion different types of Christmas cookies to pass around to friends and family has already taken a major hit; now I'm wondering if Oreos will do.

So here's where we have to make peace with our expectations:
Sit down,
Have a hot cuppa,
Breathe (repeat this last step indefinitely).

It's vital that you think about your priorities before you join the bustling crowd singing around the cash registers. Consider the folks you really treasure and what they'd really appreciate from you.

I've learned that several of my friends know they have enough possessions but really want to spend friend time over a Happy Meal. Some other friends would love some cards with pre-stamped envelopes; all they have to do is drop a quick note to someone who loves to receive a personal word.
Still others loooove homemade soups and cookies and really don't care at all about more knicknacks.

I have a friend who took an embarassing photo of me and had it made into photo Christmas cards and gave them to me (I sure hope I have all the copies).

One year I took little bits of yarn and placed it in a small basket. When my friend opened it I explained it was a weekly supply of string bikinis to use in her new swimming pool.

The point is, we need to take a break and simplify. Respect the meaning of the holiday and determine you're going to do less and enjoy more.

Relaxing takes work.

But in taking a break you're refreshed and just may find the need for a little redirection.
Let everyone else get frenzied and flustered. Then when they see you smiling through it all they'll either think you're medicated or have found the solution to holiday stress.

Either way they'll want some too.

p.s. Don't forget to keep up with my blogs and spread the news about my book. We need to provide as much encouragement as possible this time of year.