Truth is really difficult to accept when it's someone elses' truth.
You find yourself somewhat confused and quite aggravated to discover what you thought was reality may not have been real after all.
I'm thinking of the times I've skipped merrily along thinking everything was cool. At the time I was probably even gloating about just how cool everything was. I had my thoughts figured out, my faith figured out, and even my relationships were neatly arranged in a perfect order.
How painful it is when I'm stopped short by a truth encounter I never expected.
And I feel that kind of pain now.
Some of my pain is grief because a friend of mine 'quit' me today. I feel sick and a little lost, trying to remember or figure out what I did wrong and what signals I'd missed over time.
Another element of pain is self-blame that I could be so clueless about someone else's feelings. I mean, I WORK with emotions for a LIVING. How could I have been so unaware of my own friends' feelings?
I'm fighting the old memories of another friendship that ended abruptly and badly.
All the fears, recriminations and rejections are right here in front of me.
But I know I have to be strong in order to hear the truth and learn from it.
Truth isn't always happyland.
So I'm spending the next little bit seeking God's truth and how it applies to me.
Hopefully I'll be able to accept the truth about myself and the difference between HAVING a friend and BEING a friend.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Share the Buffet!
With the onset of Fall and the transition we must make to bring our activities indoors, I find myself bringing my thoughts inward as well.
I'm such a word picture girl. Why make a simple statement when a long drawn-out story will do?
It's been brought to my attention lately how much time we spend in dead-end relationships or jobs. Or how we settle into our lives, not quite unhappy but not thrilled to get up in the morning either.
It makes me think of buffet lines. You know, the places where you grab a plate at one end and need a crane to help you take your laden dishes to your table?
Everything looks good, has potential. I may not really like slabs of ham or sides of beef but it's my right to take some of everything.
Then after I've nibbled here and there, most of it is left for the overworked server to haul away and discard.
What a waste!
It makes me think of the times I've glanced over at someone elses' dish to see what they chose, noting that the food is something I've always wanted but could never find.
I'm intrigued, so I take myself up to the buffet table again to find that delectable dish to sample myself.
Only it's gone, emptied out of the serving tray.
None for me, who would have enjoyed it immensely. Left to be tossed to the trash because someone got there ahead of me and wasted it.
Do I sound extra emotional about food?
I'm relating it to relationships, really.
How many times do we see couples in this situation? One of the individuals isn't sure, doesn't know, doesn't want to commit, doesn't want to invest.
But he/she doesn't want to be alone either. Or really, they don't want to free the other person, to share, if you will.
I refer to it as taking someone 'off the market.' Hoarding them so no one else gets the joy and benefit of a meaningful relationship. Then by the time one or both of them is fed up (deliberate pun) years have passed and possibilities are limited.
I think we need to get over the 'this will do' mentality.
Have the strength of character and the sensitivity to make wise choices. Don't grab the buffet food just cuz it's there and don't hoard people's hearts just because you can.
I'm such a word picture girl. Why make a simple statement when a long drawn-out story will do?
It's been brought to my attention lately how much time we spend in dead-end relationships or jobs. Or how we settle into our lives, not quite unhappy but not thrilled to get up in the morning either.
It makes me think of buffet lines. You know, the places where you grab a plate at one end and need a crane to help you take your laden dishes to your table?
Everything looks good, has potential. I may not really like slabs of ham or sides of beef but it's my right to take some of everything.
Then after I've nibbled here and there, most of it is left for the overworked server to haul away and discard.
What a waste!
It makes me think of the times I've glanced over at someone elses' dish to see what they chose, noting that the food is something I've always wanted but could never find.
I'm intrigued, so I take myself up to the buffet table again to find that delectable dish to sample myself.
Only it's gone, emptied out of the serving tray.
None for me, who would have enjoyed it immensely. Left to be tossed to the trash because someone got there ahead of me and wasted it.
Do I sound extra emotional about food?
I'm relating it to relationships, really.
How many times do we see couples in this situation? One of the individuals isn't sure, doesn't know, doesn't want to commit, doesn't want to invest.
But he/she doesn't want to be alone either. Or really, they don't want to free the other person, to share, if you will.
I refer to it as taking someone 'off the market.' Hoarding them so no one else gets the joy and benefit of a meaningful relationship. Then by the time one or both of them is fed up (deliberate pun) years have passed and possibilities are limited.
I think we need to get over the 'this will do' mentality.
Have the strength of character and the sensitivity to make wise choices. Don't grab the buffet food just cuz it's there and don't hoard people's hearts just because you can.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Keeping it all Straight
I know what it's like to feel overwhelmed.
Some days it seems like every little hairy detail is nipping at my heels.
The one that nips hardest is the one that gets the attention.
It shouldn't be that way but hey, doesn't it seem to be true for most of us?
These last few weeks have been a busy time for me, and each event required total concentration.
That means that every other person, place, or thing I value had to take a back seat for a while.
I don't like that.
Not only does it feel like I've had to ignore what I value but I've also felt bad for having to make choices.
I'm glad my trusted people understand and give me space (temporarily, of course). But instead of allowing myself to muck around in the muck of 'what I think I should have been able to do all at once' I'm thinking differently.
With the pace of the upcoming holidays I'm clinging to an awareness of time.
And value.
And priorities.
And I'd like you to do that as well.
Let's scale back a little on the 'should do's ' this coming season and focus more on the 'these are important to me's' instead.
We need the willingness to keep it all straight, and the stubbornness to refuse to be sucked into the mire of details and requirements.
I want to make choices and stick with them without guilt or doubt.
I urge you to do the same.
BTW- Thanks to the WISE group at First Christian Church of Florissant, MO for allowing me to lead the anger management seminar last Saturday. You were all so gracious and receptive to me. I had a great time.
Some days it seems like every little hairy detail is nipping at my heels.
The one that nips hardest is the one that gets the attention.
It shouldn't be that way but hey, doesn't it seem to be true for most of us?
These last few weeks have been a busy time for me, and each event required total concentration.
That means that every other person, place, or thing I value had to take a back seat for a while.
I don't like that.
Not only does it feel like I've had to ignore what I value but I've also felt bad for having to make choices.
I'm glad my trusted people understand and give me space (temporarily, of course). But instead of allowing myself to muck around in the muck of 'what I think I should have been able to do all at once' I'm thinking differently.
With the pace of the upcoming holidays I'm clinging to an awareness of time.
And value.
And priorities.
And I'd like you to do that as well.
Let's scale back a little on the 'should do's ' this coming season and focus more on the 'these are important to me's' instead.
We need the willingness to keep it all straight, and the stubbornness to refuse to be sucked into the mire of details and requirements.
I want to make choices and stick with them without guilt or doubt.
I urge you to do the same.
BTW- Thanks to the WISE group at First Christian Church of Florissant, MO for allowing me to lead the anger management seminar last Saturday. You were all so gracious and receptive to me. I had a great time.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
A New Name
If you have read any of my blog posts, you'll know I'm notoriously clumsy.
Some people may say I'm a human cannonball; I prefer to call myself...spacially challenged. If there's something to trip over, bounce off of, smack into or demolish, I'll find it with great efficiency.
It's become a real joke among my friends that I need to either sit down more or create an entire wardrobe made up of bubble wrap and duct tape.
Well, I did it again.
This Wednesday was such a beautiful day here in the St. Louis area. The temperature was cool but still warm enough to not need a sweater and the sun was bright in an almost cloudless sky. The trees have begun to turn the many shades of orange and red that tell us that Fall is here.
When it's nice like that dear hubby and I like to hike in a local park. This time we chose Cuivre River State Park in Troy, MO. There's a trail that wraps around the lake there and it's just challenging enough to make it fun.
And it was fun. Until about half way around the lake.
That was when I got cocky.
It's amazing to me how quickly something awesome (the hike) can turn on you.
As I was motoring along on this very pleasant hike, I looked down and noticed that my shoelace was untied. I mean, that's bad; I didn't want to stumble over it and hurt myself...
In that split second of broken attention I stepped on a large, slippery rock, lost my balance and fell down on my right shoulder.
I saw stars.
It took me a few minutes to catch my breath. Don practically had to call a crane to haul me back up on my feet. I checked for internal and external bleeding.
So far so good.
Remember, I still had to hike the rest of the trail to get back to the car so I was thankful I wasn't really hurt.
But as we continued our hike I couldn't resist the urge to hassle dear hubby about his quick thinking (none) and his sympathetic spirit (also none) in my time of need.
In fact, he thought it was quite entertaining to see me tumble. He actually had the nerve to tell me,
"Honey, I'm going to induct you into a tribe and you will need a new name. I'm going to call you 'She-Who-Falls-Down-A-Lot.'"
I had a few names for him, too, but they weren't repeatable.
Some people may say I'm a human cannonball; I prefer to call myself...spacially challenged. If there's something to trip over, bounce off of, smack into or demolish, I'll find it with great efficiency.
It's become a real joke among my friends that I need to either sit down more or create an entire wardrobe made up of bubble wrap and duct tape.
Well, I did it again.
This Wednesday was such a beautiful day here in the St. Louis area. The temperature was cool but still warm enough to not need a sweater and the sun was bright in an almost cloudless sky. The trees have begun to turn the many shades of orange and red that tell us that Fall is here.
When it's nice like that dear hubby and I like to hike in a local park. This time we chose Cuivre River State Park in Troy, MO. There's a trail that wraps around the lake there and it's just challenging enough to make it fun.
And it was fun. Until about half way around the lake.
That was when I got cocky.
It's amazing to me how quickly something awesome (the hike) can turn on you.
As I was motoring along on this very pleasant hike, I looked down and noticed that my shoelace was untied. I mean, that's bad; I didn't want to stumble over it and hurt myself...
In that split second of broken attention I stepped on a large, slippery rock, lost my balance and fell down on my right shoulder.
I saw stars.
It took me a few minutes to catch my breath. Don practically had to call a crane to haul me back up on my feet. I checked for internal and external bleeding.
So far so good.
Remember, I still had to hike the rest of the trail to get back to the car so I was thankful I wasn't really hurt.
But as we continued our hike I couldn't resist the urge to hassle dear hubby about his quick thinking (none) and his sympathetic spirit (also none) in my time of need.
In fact, he thought it was quite entertaining to see me tumble. He actually had the nerve to tell me,
"Honey, I'm going to induct you into a tribe and you will need a new name. I'm going to call you 'She-Who-Falls-Down-A-Lot.'"
I had a few names for him, too, but they weren't repeatable.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Quit Thinking and DO Something!
It seems I have spent most of my life trying to slow down.
By that I mean I've always spoken out of turn, made rash decisions, had major meltdowns that turned out to be based on emotion rather than fact.
It has kicked my backside time and again.
So much so that I've become a huge fan of taking a moment to stop, think, and pray before making a major (or even minor) decison.
That's cool and it's saved me from many angst-filled moments. I'm sure if I hadn't taken those breathers I'd have more regrets and been compelled to make amends alot.
But I've become aware of a problem that arises when we take too long to think about all the ins and outs of each situation:
Paralysis.
We tend to think that everything needs to be planned out to the ultimate degree before we make a single decision. By the time we write everything down, make multiple copies, bring it to our church care group, or talk to anyone we've ever met, the opportunity might well be gone. Or something else pushed its way into our thoughts and again, by the time we remember to think about it the chance has passed us by.
I think sometimes we demand a guarantee that everything we do will be successful and if we do everything right our lives will be perfect and problem free.
That takes away the risk, to be sure, but it also excludes the excitement and courage it takes to simply trust that God will take care of us.
I believe that we take ourselves too seriously sometimes; what makes me think that my worrying about an issue will make it go any easier?
Lately I've beome aware of how important it is to actually put action to our hopes and dreams. Like, if you dream of being a writer, write something. If you want to be a gardener, plant something. If you want to be an action hero, practice your alter ego and get exercise by wriggling into your tights in extremely small spaces.
How tragic it would be to look back on your life and think about all the hesitations and second-thoughts that caused paralysis and lack of contentment.
Quit thinking so hard and DO something!
By that I mean I've always spoken out of turn, made rash decisions, had major meltdowns that turned out to be based on emotion rather than fact.
It has kicked my backside time and again.
So much so that I've become a huge fan of taking a moment to stop, think, and pray before making a major (or even minor) decison.
That's cool and it's saved me from many angst-filled moments. I'm sure if I hadn't taken those breathers I'd have more regrets and been compelled to make amends alot.
But I've become aware of a problem that arises when we take too long to think about all the ins and outs of each situation:
Paralysis.
We tend to think that everything needs to be planned out to the ultimate degree before we make a single decision. By the time we write everything down, make multiple copies, bring it to our church care group, or talk to anyone we've ever met, the opportunity might well be gone. Or something else pushed its way into our thoughts and again, by the time we remember to think about it the chance has passed us by.
I think sometimes we demand a guarantee that everything we do will be successful and if we do everything right our lives will be perfect and problem free.
That takes away the risk, to be sure, but it also excludes the excitement and courage it takes to simply trust that God will take care of us.
I believe that we take ourselves too seriously sometimes; what makes me think that my worrying about an issue will make it go any easier?
Lately I've beome aware of how important it is to actually put action to our hopes and dreams. Like, if you dream of being a writer, write something. If you want to be a gardener, plant something. If you want to be an action hero, practice your alter ego and get exercise by wriggling into your tights in extremely small spaces.
How tragic it would be to look back on your life and think about all the hesitations and second-thoughts that caused paralysis and lack of contentment.
Quit thinking so hard and DO something!
Monday, September 26, 2011
Too Much Too Soon
Okay, I'm going to vent here.
No, I'm not really mad.
Or even upset.
But it seems kind of weird to me how much technology has changed the rules of how people interact with each other.
I know-Karen-you've-said-this-before-ad-nauseum.
But I've got a new one for you:
Has anyone else spoken to an obviously pregnant woman and been told,
"Her name is Isabelle"
or
"This is Martin"
in a tone that suggests I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN WHO WAS IN THERE??!!
I kind of expect the Mommy to say to her tummy, "What do you say to the nice lady?"
To me, being an outsider (literally), I'm addressing an individual who has a big belly. Until birth that child is a sweet surprise.
I could as well be discussing someone's bunion for all I know.
But somehow I have insulted an entire family.
Facebook has displayed ultrasound pictures of babies that are so clear I'm surprised the kid isn't wearing a onesie or have a bow in her hair.
Sometimes I feel like I'm invading someone else's privacy when I see these photos. I mean, I'm embarrassed enough when my family shows pictures of me in my underpants when I was 3 years old.
Can you imagine how freaked out these kids will be when they get older to know some stranger has seen their umbilical cord?
uughh!
No, I'm not really mad.
Or even upset.
But it seems kind of weird to me how much technology has changed the rules of how people interact with each other.
I know-Karen-you've-said-this-before-ad-nauseum.
But I've got a new one for you:
Has anyone else spoken to an obviously pregnant woman and been told,
"Her name is Isabelle"
or
"This is Martin"
in a tone that suggests I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN WHO WAS IN THERE??!!
I kind of expect the Mommy to say to her tummy, "What do you say to the nice lady?"
To me, being an outsider (literally), I'm addressing an individual who has a big belly. Until birth that child is a sweet surprise.
I could as well be discussing someone's bunion for all I know.
But somehow I have insulted an entire family.
Facebook has displayed ultrasound pictures of babies that are so clear I'm surprised the kid isn't wearing a onesie or have a bow in her hair.
Sometimes I feel like I'm invading someone else's privacy when I see these photos. I mean, I'm embarrassed enough when my family shows pictures of me in my underpants when I was 3 years old.
Can you imagine how freaked out these kids will be when they get older to know some stranger has seen their umbilical cord?
uughh!
Monday, September 19, 2011
Internal Battles
No, I'm not talking about what happens when you eat cranberries and then have a gulp of milk (I did that...once).
I'm talking about the old habitual self-talk that whispers into your brain and makes you think it's the truth.
The self-talk that reminds you of all your old mistakes and embarrassments; the fear that what you thought happened may not have gone that way at all.
When those thoughts/fears arise, what do you do?
I used to think that any second thoughts or negative feelings were an expression of being realistic:
Maybe I missed some social cues at the time and beating myself up was a way of taking responsibility and reminding myself that I shouldn't get too cocky.
I've learned over time that those thoughts and feelings are very inaccurate. When I work so hard at making something 'not about me' I'm ironically MAKING it 'about me!'
It takes surrender and the willingness to accept what trusted others say about you until you've learned how to see it for yourself. I'm often surprised when my trusted others are more impressed with me than I am with myself.
But I believe God puts people into our lives to provide us a forum for feedback and encouragement. Sometimes there are several people and often it's just one individual who we can bounce ideas off of and know we can get a realistic opinion.
I know I'm not alone in these internal battles; almost all of us question our choices and interpretation of events. That's why I'm so determined to be one of the trusted ones in people's lives.
So as I go about my day, I will mentally wrap all my self criticisms up and stuff them way back in my pantry (I never go there anyway). I will take a deep breath, brush my hair out of my eyes, relax my shoulders, and move ahead knowing that this whole life thing isn't all about me anyway.
I'm talking about the old habitual self-talk that whispers into your brain and makes you think it's the truth.
The self-talk that reminds you of all your old mistakes and embarrassments; the fear that what you thought happened may not have gone that way at all.
When those thoughts/fears arise, what do you do?
I used to think that any second thoughts or negative feelings were an expression of being realistic:
Maybe I missed some social cues at the time and beating myself up was a way of taking responsibility and reminding myself that I shouldn't get too cocky.
I've learned over time that those thoughts and feelings are very inaccurate. When I work so hard at making something 'not about me' I'm ironically MAKING it 'about me!'
It takes surrender and the willingness to accept what trusted others say about you until you've learned how to see it for yourself. I'm often surprised when my trusted others are more impressed with me than I am with myself.
But I believe God puts people into our lives to provide us a forum for feedback and encouragement. Sometimes there are several people and often it's just one individual who we can bounce ideas off of and know we can get a realistic opinion.
I know I'm not alone in these internal battles; almost all of us question our choices and interpretation of events. That's why I'm so determined to be one of the trusted ones in people's lives.
So as I go about my day, I will mentally wrap all my self criticisms up and stuff them way back in my pantry (I never go there anyway). I will take a deep breath, brush my hair out of my eyes, relax my shoulders, and move ahead knowing that this whole life thing isn't all about me anyway.
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