Courage to Change

Have you noticed how easy it is to encourage someone else to do something challenging, yet when you're the one being pushed to change it's an entirely different story?

I find myself constantly weighing and measuring what I say vs. what I do. I can acknowledge that it's one thing to urge a friend to try new things; it's easy to observe the outcome and, honestly, doesn't involve any personal risk.

But MAN, I seem to be reading from a different instruction manual when it's all up to me. Suddenly I can rattle off every excuse known to man why it's not going to work in my case. Any joy or excitement (or knowing God is blessing me) dissipates when I'm the 'chosen one.'

I remember when I was still in college- my best friend, Terrie, and I were very competitive about speech class. We were always somehow trying to get the best grades. In doing so, I think we motivated each other to a level of success I know I wouldn't have worked for alone.

Here's why:

Terrie loved speech, public speaking, and all things drama related. I, on the other hand, had stage fright and feared blanking out in front of my peers. The night before many speech days I'd pray for death, the Rapture, some freak accident. I'd beg the Lord to give the speech teacher amnesia. That there'd be a hurricane or tsunami that would somehow delay my turn in front of the class(without losing points, of course).

So, up comes a speech competition open to all students, but the speech students are required to enter. The best 10 speeches then got to speak in front of the entire student body (maybe 1,000 students) at chapel. Terrie was geared up for it, looked forward to it, and spent lots of time diligently preparing to move forward in the competition.

I, on the other hand, just focused on not forgetting my lines. That's all.

So the magical day arrives when they announce the 10 students' names; those chosen ones who will gleefully show their stuff in chapel on that special day.

I'm totally pumped- for Terrie. I'm all into encouraging her to accept she was going to be named and that she'd enjoy it. I strutted around acknowledging that I had a talented friend. I made a big big deal over pointing to her with a knowing look when the contestants names were being called.

And I was right! Terrie was named and I was so happy for her! She really deserved it.
But then... my name was called next.

So here's the point.

I totally wilted. I felt like the judge had just sentenced me to life in prison. I began crying in fear of having to move out of my comfort zone by speaking in chapel.

It was awful. My memories of those days and weeks in preparation are dim as I reacted in fear and looked at the challenge as a death sentence.

Back to now:

I'm being challenged right now to step out of my comfort zone. I'm excited and terrified. I can think of all the reasons why this step won't succeed. Depending on my attitude, I will either be a shining success or a dismal failure.

It's funny, really, how inconsistent we are. I have to be honest with myself to admit that the same rules of encouragement I apply to others must also apply to me. Stepping out in faith means believing God will sort it all out. My job is just to do the stepping.

I've got some stuff swirling around that I'm working on. Some new ideas and some risks I'm hoping to take. I'll try to keep you guys in the know about them.

By the way, I did fine in the competition. I prepared, walked forward when they called my name to speak, did what I could, and sat back down. I didn't win, but I lived to talk about it.

Some 35 years later.

Rest and Renewal

Hi Gang!

Hubby and I are back home from our first vacation in 3 years. We went to Colorado where we enjoyed 85 degree temperatures while poor old St. Louis had heat warnings.

I'd like to feel sympathy for my friends back home but I was having too much fun.

Being 'in the moment' was a real challenge for me; I had gotten in the habit of reviewing the past and worrying about the future.

I believe God deliberately gives us each moment of our lives a moment at a time for a reason.

That reason being we'd rush ahead or lag behind if we got to spend our time any way we wanted.
That's why this Colorado time out was so important to me.

I needed to get away and reevaluate my life and how I spend it.
Who I'm living for and what is important to me.

I was reminded of the glory and power of God when hiking the Maroon Bells to Crater Lake in Aspen, CO.
To view with appreciation the fact that God doesn't need ME to move mountains- He's capable of that and more.

To notice how swiftly rushing water is created by melting snow high above us reminded me that God works behind the scenes in my life so that His timing is perfect.

To be able to breathe (despite the change in altitude) made me appreciate every breath I'm given each day.

I've been able to rest and be renewed. I've learned that I can do more things than I thought- I went horseback riding and didn't fall off; I survived whitewater rafting (the only doubt I had was when they handed me my wetsuit and expected me to be able to wriggle it on without needing CPR afterwards)!

I'm challenged to try new things now that I'm back home. I'll be blogging about it as I go along so stay tuned.

Oh, one more thing: I don't know if you think God uses symbolism in our life-lessons but I do. As we were driving down the highway in Colorado we were dive-bombed by an eagle! Seriously. It swooped so close to our windshield that both Don and I ducked. It then flew off and disappeared. We're still talking about it.

Observations

I've been talking with lots of parents these last few days who have the same concerns about their skills:

Are they too lenient?
Are they taking the right steps?
Will their children survive their childhoods?
Will they survive their children's adulthoods?

I'm on a fact-gathering mission at this time and it seems that most of us are in the same dilemma: Having peace that the decisions we have made or are presently making are the BEST for the future of our families.

Have hope, fellow parents!

Take each day as it comes. Be strong in your boundaries and in your own choices to benefit your legacy.

In the meantime...

Please notice that it's summer. Like, it's a good thing. Like, man, chill out.

Have a nice cool drink. Turn on the baseball game. Grill some grilly thingies.

Relax.

By the way, I will continue to do my research. And have some grilly things.

I will update soon.