Adapting to Change

Helloooo all you frazzled hoomans!

When I was younger ( like in the days when Christmas tress were silver tinsel, rotated, and had a color wheel illuminating the tree in multi-colored splendor), Christmas was a fun time we could hardly wait to experience.  The decorations would majically appear when we came home from school.  The wish lists were sent to Santa but curiously never needed a stamp.  My Mom would stock up on pickles, black olives, and pickled herring (don't judge me).

But as I grew older I realized that all this magic was really loads of pre-planning and WORK. Having secret meetings with dear hubby while pretending nothing was going on during the day. Having one of us divert the kids while the other one tried to sneak packages into the house and hide them.

Like most families, we had traditions and procedures that veered little each year: Hubby reading Luke 2 while dear son squirmed with impatience to get to the presents.  Someone wearing the Santa hat and giving out the gifts.

When the kids were younger our Advent calendar was a 'must.'  We finally decided that they'd outgrown it when dear daughter graduated high school and went off to college.  Son just didn't think it was fun to count down the days till Christmas when it cut into his shaving time.

Now that my kids are grown, married, and living their own lives, Christmas has gotten more complicated.

Most of you in our situation experience the same thing:

What to do when the OTHER side of the family has plans.  Traditions and procedures.

Lots of families institute a kind of lottery- THEY get them this year but WE get them next year (never mind what the kids want).  Or YOU got them for Thanksgiving so WE get them for Christmas.

I've also noticed families who get mad/insulted when they have to adapt to the kids' choice to actually stay at home and develop their own holiday traditions.  Or they get irritated when the other side WINS when "they- don't-even-care-about-Christmas-like-we-do-so-why-are-they-being-so-spiteful-they-always-act-like-this-what-did-we -do-to-them-they-are-just-jealous."

So a rift develops between families because someone can't or won't adapt to change.  I'm often amused how we invest in family so they can live happy and healthy lives and then get offended when they attempt to do so.

I also have found it interesting how we gorge ourselves with cookies and treats and special foods when we have the recipes and could make them any time the rest of the year but I digress.

As challenging and scary as it is to adapt to change I think we need to do so.  Change can often be a transition toward something that is really beneficial to everyone.  As we adapt to change we can delegate some responsibilities to others, relax, and begin to enjoy the holidays like we used to. 

Hey!  Who baked the cookies using my recipe?  The decorations have majically been put up!  Where did those gifts under the tree come from?

Perhaps adapting to change is God's way of giving us back the child-like joy we once felt at Christmas.  Change might allow others to bless us by taking over the responsibilities we grew to find tedious.

Who know?  Maybe I'll have dear children climb up into the attic and look for that old Advent calendar.  I think it's MY turn to count down the days before Christmas.

Absence of Pressure

When I"m counseling clients I find I"m often counseling myself; many of the issues being discussed are either things I've also experienced or are thinking about myself.

Lately I've been spending precious brain cells thinking about 'absence of pressure'.  How someone (meaning me) reacts when there's an absence of pressure in their life.

We have all longed for peace and quiet while in the midst of great stress; how we'll just take a nap or a vacation or a Xanax...

But what do we do when the pressure/stress/crisis is over?  After the nap, etc. etc.

Do we move forward in our lives, stretching ourselves and investing in positive activities, relationships and experiences?

Or do we...do nothing. 

I've begun to accept that I tend to be a do-nothing-er.  I have good intentions (during the pressure).  Once this is over I'm going to:

Visit the sick and elderly
Invite all my neighbors to church
Write the soldiers serving overseas
Volunteer
Increase my client load by marketing more effectively
Write another book
More public speaking (Toastmaster's?)
Invest more in my siblings, siblings-in-law, their spouses and children
Spend more quality time with my parents

But ashamedly, I admit there's little pressure and I've done none of the things listed above.

As I continue to pray and determine which comes first (the CHICKEN!) let me challenge you to do the same. 

I'm not referring to New Years' resolutions or personal goals here.  I'm talking about how to move forward in life with a useful attitude. Fully engaged.  Pushing yourself to talk to those you love on the phone.  Write an email. Get out of your zombie zone and live.

Gotta go now.  My brain cells are warming up and are bugging me to be taken out for a spin.

Thanksgiving is Relative

Hey Gang!

Is it November already?  I've heard that life is like a roll of toilet paper- the closer you get to the end of the roll the faster it goes. That's certainly true with me lately.  I just got my holiday stuff from last year put away.

I think it's important to acknowledge Thanksgiving and take a moment to appreciate what God has done for us.  According to my clients, it can also be a time of stress stress stress as relatives, far and near, get together to enjoy the holiday.

'Enjoy' is relative, since what one person likes, another person can find totally cringe worthy(like cranberries).  At any rate, having a house full of humanity for any amount of time can be a nerve twister. 

My suggestion may be to stuff them full of turkey (or tofurkey for the health conscious) and let them sleep it off in front of the tv. Watching football, or golf.  Or the first showing of 'It's a Wonderful Life.'

I'm reminded of relative interactions in the past.  The time my turkey wasn't done until about 3 hours AFTER we'd already waited an extra hour to eat.  Believe you me, people get remarkably testy when they're hungry.  Our solution was to eat the side and the pie and have turkey for dessert.  It worked and digested the same.

And made us nap longer.

I also remember why we no longer allow dear daughter Kari to pray for our meals.  Ever.  She takes total control of the limelight, thinking it's funny to hold us captive with her tedious and meandering prayer.

"Lord, I'd like to thank you for...
This house, the universe, the oxygen, for technology, for my pink slippers, the missionaries, my brother Ryan, this food (especially the corn), my friends, our dog, electricity..."

When we'd interrupt her to say "Amen" she'd put on this wounded face and scold us:

"Mom, I can't believe you'd tell to stop praying." And she'd continue.

After this occuring several times I could sense the turkey, mashed potatoes, and yams were getting cold.  A few more prayers and I could envision the jello melting and the green bean casserole coagulating.  I desperately considered furtively loading everyone's place while she continued in prayer. 

Seriously, I think the girl took 10+ minutes to pray.

I hope the Lord wasn't insulted by my impatience.  I like to think even HE was wishing she'd end it.

So when I say Thanksgiving is relative, I am referring to the behaviors that become irritating (except with MY family...)when many diverse personalities are gathered together to have a great time and celebrate blessings. 

I think we need to focus more on WHY we are gathering in the first place and give thanks for that.

And for the comfort that, for the most part, relatives will eventually go home.

Reasons and Excuses

I've been noticing lately how easily we fall into a category and use it for an excuse.

For instance, I looked up many of the labels I've been guilty of giving myself. I'm a:

Leo
Sanguine
Otter
Golden Retriever
Left-Handed
Extravert
Intuitive/Feeler
Shepherd/Encourager
Last Born but only child
German/Swedish
Born Again believer

Wow.  I just read over the list and I should be very impressed with myself!

However, many of these descriptors can be used as a shield when we feel threatened to change.

"I act this way because I'm an otter."  "I can't be quiet because I'm an extravert."  "I'm a clown because I'm last born but treat me respectfully because I'm an intuitive/feeler."  "I'm goofy because I'm left-handed."
"I'm bossy because I'm a Leo."

This seems to be our reason (read-excuse) to blame others for not getting along with us!
No acceptance of our own attitudes or vanities or pride. 

Haven't you done this?  I know I have. 

I can't tell you the relief I have felt when some label excused my poor behavior.  It isn't me being a jerk;
it's my temperment, horoscope, birth order, Myers-Briggs results, spiritual gift, nationality.

BUT...

Using those labels to rationalize why we do what we do says we are helpless.  Victims to our circumstances.
Is that how we are to live?

I'd like to suggest we all ignore those labels.  Instead, let's dig our heels in when tempted to explain away why we are being pig-headed or fearful or controlling.  Let's turn our backs on accepting those excuses from our friends and family members too.

I'd like to think that God works in our lives and hearts IN SPITE OF those labels that have hindered us for so long.  He wants us to cast off the 'old man' and allow Him to give us a new life.

I love that part but it assumes we take responsibility for our reasons and excuses.

Here are some labels I'd love to embrace instead:

Loved,
Protected
Shielded
Empowered through His grace
Healed
Rescued
Lifted up

and best of all,

FORGIVEN

You're HOW Old???

Greetings from Ye Olde Funny Farm!

I just recently celebrated yet another birthday and I've made several observations:


You know you're getting old when:


Your friends admire your new orthopedic shoes

Even teenagers open the door for you

Waitresses automatically show you the back of the menu

When clothes shopping you find yourself saying, "It looks comfortable."

When you still have your favorite songs on cassette

Your adult children search your closet for the retro party they're throwing.

You can pretend you can't hear someone and they believe you

You find yourself comparing yourself to a peer and wondering if you look as old as they do

You realize a cute male model in a store looks like your grandson

When someone says your white hair looks good on YOU but THEY'D look too old

You see a photo of yourself from behind and you think it's your elderly aunt

Facebook pictures of your old high school friends show they've gotten older

You make fun of an old lady not dressing for her age and realize you're wearing the same shirt

While car shopping you skip over the red sports car in favor of the 4 door with more comfortable seats and is easier to get in and out of.

Those large print books and magazines at the library aren't funny anymore (and you find yourself cussing that the font size on your cell phone is miniscule)

and finally,

You know you're getting older when letting your hair go gray and you can't decide if you're embracing your age or giving up.


So my friends, thanks for the well wishes on my birthday and may I have many more!

See you later;I'm going over to a friend's house and steal her walking cane.

You're Hot, No, I'M Hot!

Our neck of the woods has been experiencing a serious heat wave these last few weeks. It's been a real challenge to adapt to the temperature.

For instance, I found out the hard way that you really shouldn't hide your Hershey bars underneath the car seat until at least September.

It's SO hot that instead of offering my clients a bottle of cold water, I offer them a teabag.

It's so hot the birds are knocking on my windows asking for ice cubes in the birdbath.

It's so hot my hubby suggested we buy some silk plants to stick in our garden to replace what used to be lush greenery.

It's so hot that yesterday I noticed that my elbows were sweating (really).

It's so hot you can't wear rubber-soled shoes because they melt on asphalt.

It's so hot the local swimming pool is being advertised as a jacuzzi.

It's so hot no one wants to be within 3 feet of anyone- due not only to the proximity but also the rotting smell of dead or dying deodorant.

It's so hot that restaurant patrons won't slide across vinyl booth seats in shorts due to the ensuing profanity; who knew how well vinyl can adhere to human skin?

It's so hot I get offended when I have to leave the house and realize my dog and cat are still in the house enjoying the air conditioning.

It's so hot that ice cream cones are served with straws.

Wait. I've got more.

It's so hot that wearing metal-rimmed sunglasses put you at risk for 2nd degree burns.

Pierced earrings are like campfire marshmallow forks.

It's so hot that you have to wear oven mitts to open the car door.


Have I given you the idea that it's very hot?

Being a Pundit

When you read the title of this post I bet you thought,

"What on EARTH is a pundit?"

The Free Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines a pundit as:

A person who gives opinions in an authoritative manner usually through the mass media: critic.

Those of you who are on Facebook have encountered a pundit; you know, those who opine about politics, religion, finances...

It seems like most folks who have access to any form of social media feel they know more than most when it comes to opinions. No matter if these people have any experience or education in these particular areas; they feel they have the right to express themselves freely (they often cite the Constitution as if they helped write it).

Personally, I get irritated when I'm reading a pleasant little feel-good article about someones' pet llama who rescues them from a burning building. Then when I scroll down to view the comments someone ALWAYS jumps in with a stupid job ad, a rude comment about a political party, or a nasty jab at someone elses' comments.

It makes me want to demand proof of their educational background. Are they political science graduates? Life-long politicians' kids? Are they stunningly slender due to a magic diet pill or doctors who've spent years learning about metabolism? Are they trained behaviorists who know all about llamas?

I tend to think most of the nasty ones are/were bullies in grade school.

But to be honest, I'm guilty of being a pundit myself. About lots of things. Without credibility to make me an expert.

I give my opinion about decorating. Clothing and hair. Whether the recipe needs more salt. Whether dear hubby should use a certain route when driving. Whether the preacher used enough Scripture in last weeks' sermon.

I get into trouble when I read up and study something, amass every bit of information about it, and never experience it myself. I could use my tendency to read cookbooks as a prime example.

For instance, I want to try to ski. Those of you who have read past blogs understand how foolish this desire is since I can't even stand on a flat, solid surface without falling down.

But I still want to try it. So I've read up on it, watched videos, talked about it to those who have skiied. You'd think I was an expert except for one thing.

I've never done it.

My credibility as a pundit crashes and burns on the subject of skiing.

Here's another example: Someone you know isn't living with integrity. They just can't seem to get it right. You know they need to align themselves with godly people, immerse themselves in church and study the Bible. You KNOW this is the right thing to do.

This knowledge should make you an expert/pundit except for one thing:

You haven't gone to church for months, don't know where your Bible is, and are more comfortable with the bar crowd than the church crowd.

Here's what I'm getting at:

If you want to be a pundit, you'd better make very sure you have action to back up your words. If you still want to expound and expand upon your opinion, DO something to make your words credible. Otherwise, keep your opinion/thoughts to yourself lest you become yet another voice that is all sound and no substance.

And that's my expert opinion.

Big Mistake-Big Forgiveness

I've got this puppy, see? His name is Teddy.

He's a floppy, clumsy, adorable mess of fur and slobber.

When I'm not looking he sneaks up to me and sits on my feet or lays down behind my chair. He doesn't like to be without his hoomans.

I'm humbled by his unwavering trust and pure joy in being with us.

Said humility was never so great as when housetraining this canine.

Teddy seemed to pick certain places to 'express himself.' Not one to be haphazard about his choice of pooping places, he would secretly secrete in a secret setting.

We tried the newfangled method of gently coaxing him outside and scolding him in love. We tried the sitting outside with him after a big meal and waiting for the 'end result.'

But no matter what we did, he still seemed to have this favorite spot to squat. Namely, under my desk in my home office. It was frustrating and I was sooo over this ball of cuteness thinking our carpet was his latrine.

And he always looked so innocent when I'd scold him; those big doggy eyes tried to melt my heart but I was unmoved...almost.

But one day I'd had enough. I found another jewel under the desk and decided to go all old school on the mutt.

I grabbed him by the collar, drug him into the office and rubbed his nose in the offending grossness. Then I pushed him outside to think about it for a while.

He was lucky I didn't ask him for an essay on the topic, "Why I shouldn't poop on Mommy's carpet."

So although I felt bad about the rough treatment I decided I'd done what I had to do. While Teddy was outside I went back to my office to continue working.

As I sat there, I noticed a strange sound and an even stranger aroma. I sniffed a sniff I'd hoped I'd never sniff again.

I was beyond mad. How stupid IS this dog? I slowly turned around to catch him in the act. With his pants down, as it were.

Except it weren't him.

It was our cat Shashe, who was obviously making a statement about us moving her litter box out to the garage. She looked at me and I looked at her.

And she ran.

But I felt sick. Not because of the offense; heck, I've had children and was no stranger to icky messes.

No, I felt sick because I had unjustly punished Teddy for what Shashe had done. I'd rubbed his nose in a substance that was not his, spanked him for it, yelled at him and pushed him outside.

I could barely look at him. How do you apologize to a dog? I mean, you can't take him out for a soda. You can't buy him an ipod or a skateboard. How could I make it up to him for being so unfair? I forced myself to walk outside to try to comfort Teddy, and to comfort myself.

He was looking at me. His head was cocked in curiousity and concern. For me.
As I walked up to him his tail began wagging, slowly at first, but then furously as he realized I was coming up to pet him and hold him.

I could see immediately that he held no grudges for being spanked. His thoughts and focus was on ME and how much fun he wanted to have with ME.
I knew right then I had experienced big forgiveness.

Let me challenge you with my story. Think about your hurt and anger when things don't go the way they should and you are treated unfairly. Try to consider that all the facts aren't revealed, that the truth will be discovered in time.

Oh,and never trust a cat.

True Relationships

Hey Everyone!

So far the sabbatical has been successful although it has taken me two weeks to feel relaxed.
I hadn't realized how wound up I really was until I was challenged to unwind.

Now that I'm becoming more lucid, I've been more aware of the meaningful people in my life.

I know it's always a challenge for someone to know what to do when a friend needs to chill out.

Do you walk alongside them and provide quality time or just leave them alone to fend for themselves?

I'm grateful that my friends have given me the attention or lack of attention I've needed so far.


The other day I was really down and overwhelmed. Tunnel-visioned frustrated.

You've all been there.

At the end of the day I received an email from a dear lady I've known most of my life. The email was a blessing note to tell me how much my writing has meant to her. It was like a soothing balm on an open wound.

I can't tell you how much that meant to me.

It made me analyze who was meaningful in my life and who just...wasn't.

Of course, my family ranks #1 (I'm supposed to say God does but I'm referring to the flesh and blood messy stuff).
I don't know what I'd do without my crew telling me when I'm being ridiculous (most of the time)or that they love me even if I do then to fall down a lot.

Then there are those friends who, over time, have shown themselves to be loyal,bossy, supportive and truth-telling even if I don't ask for their advice.

I've also noticed that those who are dearest in my life have been around for at least five years. Some have been present for well over ten years and some waaay longer.

If they'd been in the military most of them would have been able to retire with a great pension by now.

Some of them would have many purple hearts and a few would have at least five stars on their uniforms.

And I want to be a friend right back to them. I want the purple hearts even if I don't have a uniform to display them.

So as I rest and recuperate, here's a shout out to my dearest dear friends.

You know who you are.

Sabbatical

I have to admit it, folks. I've been having a tough 2012 so far. Not that any one thing has been tough; it's the accumulation of many things that got to me. In January I was told that my supporting church would no longer be supportive. That meant I had to go out on my own for the first time since earning my counseling license in 2001. That meant detail after detail and assuming responsibility for my business choices. You wouldn't BELIEVE how much goes into moving a business! Address changes, paperwork changes, letters, notifications, not to mention finding a suitable office you can afford. While that was going on my dear daughter announced she had purchased a plane ticket to move out to LA permanently and was leaving in late February. That was tough. On top of that, she was in a community theater presentation of 'Steel Magnolias' and was the character that dies in the end. Imagine my emotional state having my child die three nights a week and 2 matinees. I was a wreck. Then dear son-in-law moved out to LA to meet up with his missus. I felt a double loss. There were also a few work crises I had to deal with (I don't care if my grammatical usage is incorrect- more than one crisis is one too many). Thankfully, I had planned my sabbatical last Fall and knew I was taking the month of May off from work. Several times I didn't think I was going to last that long. So here I am, trying to learn how to relax. I've got a few adventures in mind plus some personal goals to tend to. Think of me as I allow my ears to stop ringing and learn how to speak in complete sentences again. Frankly, I'm overwhelmed at the prospect of having these days roll out in front of me with not much to do. Just wait 'till June...you won't know what hit you.

Goals vs Resolutions

Resolutions get a bad rap.

We think that to make a resolution is to vow to fail. How many of us well-meaning people start out the year promising themselves they'll become more perfect the coming year?

That can include not smoking or drinking, exercizing more,reading Scripture more often, becoming more friendly, being less of a jerk...

It implies that we're supposed to become a different person (only better?)once the clock strikes 12.

Then at 12:05 we mess up.

We feel like a failure and over time we refuse to make resolutions knowing it will only magnify how weak or undisciplined we are.

How we're stuck being who we are.

However, goals mean something else entirely. Goal weight, goal running time, financial or academic goals. Reading through the Bible in a year goals.
The word 'goal' is more hopeful. It doesn't imply failure but daily progress.

I encourage all of us (me too) to realistically accept that goals are future oriented rather than in the here and now.

I hate it when I tell dear hubby that I shouldn't be so moody and he responds by saying (wait for it) "Then DON'T."

I don't think he realizes how close I am to resolve to smack him in the head!

Just as we expect our friends and loved ones to respect our efforts and love us in spite of our failures I think we need to do the same thing for ourselves.

RESOLVE that you're going to set practical GOALS for yourself daily. Turn your back on expecting to be able to keep impractical RESOLUTIONS.

My days of wishing to be an olympic gymnast is probably not gonna happen. And that's okay. I don't want to intimidate the youngsters who still have that goal.

Have You Ever?

Have you ever had the feeling you've already been where you're going?
Like you aren't sure you have to do something or have already done it?

I find myself standing in the middle of a room trying to remember why I'm there. The only way I can tell is by what I'm holding in my hands or what I'm wearing (that isn't a terribly reliable indicator, of course).

These last few days I've felt like I've been stuck in a revolving door, endlessly going round and round. Finally I get squirted out into the world wondering where I was and what brought me here.

My first week in my new office went pretty well. My clients were complimentary and sessions were fruitful.

But just like in a new house, I was aware of all the creaks and thunks and noises in the room. At times it was all I could do to focus on the task at hand.

What I discovered afterwards was weird and cool at the same time (like me...).
We were able to focus because the issues of life and necessary healing were more important than petty distractions (again, like me).

After a while I noticed that I hadn't noticed anything outside my room. All the flurry that got me to this point was no longer important.

Have you ever found that when the crisis/task/change you had to experience ended, you had a choice to look back or look ahead? It's vital to be able to concentrate on the future rather than the past.

So, as I continue to adapt my new office to reflect who I am and what I do, I want to give thanks to all who helped get me here.

Despite my fears and misgivings, God has helped me survive the revolving door, even if He had to squirt me out the door when I least expected it.

Coming Up For Air

It has been a looonng last few months. I haven't had time to do laundry (see prior blog) much less write on this blog.

It amazes me how time can fly when you're not thinking much or doing much.
I've been known to doodle away a week or so just getting lost in a book or shopping. I've become a fervent 'lady who lunches.'

But these last few weeks have dragged by. I've been dreading the passage of each day and here's why:

Change.

In January I was told that I needed to relocate my counseling office due to a change in ministry focus at Harvester Christian Church. They'd graciously extended scheduling and support since I'd become acquainted with them 9 years ago.

The process of striking out on my own and the details that are necessary really freaked me out.

I remember hearing this little inner voice (?) say, "I'm not old enough to do this."
Of course, I gave myself whiplash as I realized that I certainly AM old enough!
So that thought had to be surrendered.

Then dear daughter Kari told me she'd purchased her plane ticket to move to LA. I'd known for over a year that she and her husband Gareth had planned to make that move; that's why they were forcing themselves to live in our basement while working fiendishly to save up money to move.

It came to me that this was a big deal. That my family might never be the same as it was. That our future interactions would take work and planning.

My two weaknesses.

Along with that dear daughter was cast in a local production of Steel Magnolias.
Have you ever seen Steel Magnolias?

It's rough, I'll tell you. There was not a dry eye in the audience and I sobbed like a kid who dropped her ice cream cone on the ground.

I experienced grief and loss as I watched that play. It was a real tearjerker. And Kari played the Julia Roberts character who doesn't make it to the last scene.

I barely made it through that one.

So now she's moved forward in her life and Gareth will be joining her in a few weeks. I love her so much and will miss them both terribly. Everyone is telling me to Skype but I'm still trying to figure out how to email so it may take a while.

So now my office is moved, the pressure is off, and now it's time to come up for air. I feel like I've been in labor for three months.

I think I'll be okay. I'm blessed with helpful and irritating friends who love me too much to let me hide. They stayed away when I needed time to process stuff and kicked my rear end when I was overdoing it.
Believe me, when it's time to repay the favor I'll be there with great zeal...

I'm excited for the future, for the opportunities that might come my way.

But if you see me in the next few weeks, please ignore the twitch in my right eye and left shoulder. I've heard they will lessen over time.

Confessions from a Dirty Old Gal

Some people can tell when they're too busy or distracted by how empty their refrigerators are. Some folks find sticky notes everywhere and can't figure out what goes where. Other people cry 'Uncle' when they discovered they've delivered the wrong kid to the wrong activity on the wrong day.

Not me. When I'm too busy I run out of clean clothes.

I've become aware that longer I go between laundry days the better my wardrobe becomes.

That's because I always grab my favorite sloppy-yet-clean t-shirt or jeans when I get up in the morning. I love certain items and wear them way too often.

Then, when these favorites get dirty I go to the next-favorite and repeat the same pattern.

So when I run out of my old stand-bys I have to resort to my church clothes; you know, the dark slacks and knit sweaters with the little designs on them. When those get soiled I turn to the black pants and sparkly number I last wore to Aunt Dorothy's 50th wedding anniversary.

Once my choices are to wear an old bridesmaid dress or do laundry I think about it...

And do laundry.

It almost feels like a shopping spree when I unearth what's been languishing in the bottom of the laundry basket; I haven't seen those duds in weeks!

I'm not a bad person, really. I don't consider myself to dress badly enough to be a candidate for 'How Do I Look?' or 'What Not To Wear.'

But I wonder if the emails of weirdly dressed people at Wal-Mart were merely busy folks grabbing the very last thing in their closets before breaking down and buying laundry detergent.

I can delay no longer... off I go to Wal-Mart for soaps and softeners needed to regain my beloved wardrobe.

Hmmm...I think I'll wear my sequinned tube top and plaid pajama bottoms. I mean, no one would be there with a camera at this time of night, would they?

Responsible and Unhappy

Anyone who states that growing up is fun hasn't grown up yet. Take it from someone who has delayed the process as long as possible.

There have been a lot of decisions I've had to make within the last several weeks that, if I'd been able to stay irresponsible, would have suited me just fine.

However, there comes a time when each of us has to stand firm and be....

Responsible.

I really value what I do. I feel blessed (and lucky) to be able to do something that has meaning; I have fun counseling and I enjoy connecting with people who need guidance.

But lately I've found that what I do involves responsibility to do what is necessary even when it's easier not to.

For example, it's waaaaay easier to buy new socks than to wash the dirty ones I already own. It's easier to go out for fast food than to cook. And it's easier to be a 'yes man' than to stand up for what is the best thing.

I always assumed that being obedient to God meant everything was going to be smooth. I pictured the Mary Engelbreit-type poster with the rosy-cheeked mom in a cute little cottage baking heart-shaped cookies.

She looked happy even though her clothes didn't match.

But I'm learning that obedience is sometimes aggravating and painful. My clothes match and I'm not all that pleased about it...

Anyway, I admit I'm a late bloomer. I just now (I qualify for senior citizen discounts at McD's) feel comfortable in my life. I've made it an art to be clueless to avoid making choices.

But it's painful to stay oblivious. To suddenly be made aware of facts that have been there all along hurts a lot.

I can't opt to choose happiness at the expense of responsibility. Someone suffers either way. I can only cling to the fact that my belief in God's direction will win out.

Maybe then I can be happy that I've chosen to be responsible.

When God Seems Distant

Difficult circumstances in our lives are unavoidable. I hate that feeling of disbelief; it feels as if you've fallen out of an airplane and you forgot your parachute.
At those times, despite fervant and desperate prayers, it seems as if God is:
Playing a game
He's looking the other way
He just plain old doesn't care.

I see so many people who experience such confusion. They wonder who sucker punched them and why. What did they do that was so bad?
Not only is there pain about the actual situation; there is also pain in wondering why God didn't protect them or spare them completely.

At those times all we can do is hang on until the ride is over.

Then we get a chance to look back at the ordeal and reassess. What really happened and how we handled it. What we could have done better. What we did well.
Finally, we are able to recognize that God wasn't so distant after all; He has a perfect sense of timing. What we experienced was a moment of time in a process that God has orchestrated from the beginning.

Listen, I don't pretend to be an expert about trials and tribulations except for the fact that I've survived quite a few. And I witness many clients as they reel back in reaction to an unexpected hardship.

But I'm experienced enough to know that I don't really submit to God until I'm broken. And that's when I can finally get out of the way for Him to help me.

So it seems that God is not so distant after all. He's molding us and protecting us during the circumstances of our lives so we can acknowledge His guidance in our lives.
I really want to encourage you when you feel alone in your pain. Keep breathing and wait. Assume that God knows what's going on and everything has to play out.

Pushing Through Our Faith

It's one thing to talk about what we believe. Many of us are true scholars when it comes to the tenets of our beliefs.

In Bible college, many of my classmates were downright smug that they could recite the kings of the Old Testament in order and describe the history of the ancient prophets.

Me, I still had to look up the location of Hezekiah in the index when pressured.

I've become aware of what a challenge it is to actually act on what we say we believe, especially when hard times hit.

Then, along with the rest of us (even those who have to 'cheat' by looking in the Concordance) most biblical scholars find themselves shaking in their boots at the prospect of believing it.

Lately, I've found myself really having to lean heavily on the words I nag my clients about:

God is Sovereign;He knows what's going on,
If God is God He will guide and protect,
Scripture says He knows your heart and He will provide your needs,

And the big one:
It has nothing to do with who you are, and everything to do with Who He is.

I've had to sit tight in situations that would normally make me run off and hide.

Lately it seems like all the encouraging words (the things I really believe) are being replayed in my mind despite my personal misgivings.

I've had to invoke the relationship God has promised me through His Word, especially the part about not having the spirit of fear (II Tim. 1:7). I've had to release my grasp on my opinions and emotions, fold my arms and allow God to show me what He can and plans to do in my life.

That last statement is funny, really. I wish I was as 'hands on' with housework, paperwork, and other tasks I'd rather not do as I am with wanting to have involvement in what goes on in my own life.

So, the challenge is not for God to prove that He can do what He says He can do.

The challenge is for me to let Him.

And God Laughed

Isn't it interesting how our plans go up in smoke even when our plans were so foolproof?

It's as if the things we pray for are only allowed when it's convenient; heaven forbid they aren't accomplished the way WE think they should be!

Lately there have been many changes in my life. Changes that I'm sure I prayed for somewhere along the line.

And I have the choice to go along with these changes or fight them every step of the way.

Either way the changes WILL be made.

Over time I've come to realize that disagreeing with God is common. But in the end, He's going to win. And I wouldn't want it any other way.

In the back of my mind I often hear this response when I hear of someone's ambitious plans or have plans of my own:

"And God laughed..."

Not AT us but more in love as He knows our tendency to plot and plan our own way. He knows what is best; He sees the big picture and how we have to go through some tough stuff to get to where we're supposed to be next.

"And God laughed..." in delight at our sincere desire to minister and do things for Him.

"And God laughed..." at how foolishly we behave when we think things are going horribly wrong when really they're going very right.

So in the midst of your thwarted plans and deep anxiety over situations in your life, remember there is a God that is so able to do what He says He will do that He can laugh.

Even when we can't.

Being Truthful

You know how I determine if I'm supposed to tell someone something that might offend them or hurt their feelings?

I don't want to do it.

I hem and haw and delay. I tell God that I'm just being patient and that maybe I misunderstood what I saw and/or heard. I mean, if I'm wrong it will create unnecessary pain in that relationship and who needs that?

But I've learned over time that my hesitation is a signal to me. It means my attitude and heart is right before God; when I do share my concerns with someone it's not because I can but because I have to.

When I was a much younger Christian, I thought it was my (gleeful) duty to point out the flaws of others.

Not necessarily to the offender, but to anyone within listening distance. I mean, I don't want a confrontation, right?

I realized later (having also been the recipient of that behavior and being really injured) that what I was doing was not helping the person. Rather, it was gossip.

So now I find it better to ask myself, "If I were in this situation, would I want to know?" If the answer is 'yes' I force myself to discuss it with the person. If the answer is "No, it wouldn't change anything or help" I keep it to myself.

I am not the Holy Spirit. I don't want to wave my righteous finger in front of anyone.

But if it were me and I knew the person talking to me did it for the right reason I'd be able to listen.

And hopefully change.

Uh, Ok...

Computer woes are getting me again.

As many of you know, we have a new puppy.

A mouthy, rambunctious, bouncy, chewy, slobbery puppy.

He just doesn't know what's cool to pounce on and what isn't.

Bless his heart.

I say that because his favorite chew toy at this point is either ME or expensive computer wires.

...Bless his heart...

During my Christmas break I've had to stock up on bandages because Teddy surprises me and snags my ankle or wrist.

One time he almost pierced my nose (THAT took some explaining).

These last few days Don and I have been dogsitting along with tolerating our own playful pup.

Unfortunately, Teddy thinks these well-behaved, quiet, peaceful older dogs are new playmates (or chewtoys)and he has pestered them mercilessly.

Poor things. Bless their hearts.

Usually our visits with Jordie and Murphy are a delight; this time, however, I'm reminded of those commercials that feature starving children who woefully gaze at the camera. These dogs stare at me as if begging me to DO SOMETHING!!

Sorry, Dudes. You're on your own. I'm on my way to Walgreens to get more bandaids.

Here We Go Again!