Truth Hurts

Truth is really difficult to accept when it's someone elses' truth.

You find yourself somewhat confused and quite aggravated to discover what you thought was reality may not have been real after all.

I'm thinking of the times I've skipped merrily along thinking everything was cool. At the time I was probably even gloating about just how cool everything was. I had my thoughts figured out, my faith figured out, and even my relationships were neatly arranged in a perfect order.

How painful it is when I'm stopped short by a truth encounter I never expected.
And I feel that kind of pain now.

Some of my pain is grief because a friend of mine 'quit' me today. I feel sick and a little lost, trying to remember or figure out what I did wrong and what signals I'd missed over time.

Another element of pain is self-blame that I could be so clueless about someone else's feelings. I mean, I WORK with emotions for a LIVING. How could I have been so unaware of my own friends' feelings?

I'm fighting the old memories of another friendship that ended abruptly and badly.
All the fears, recriminations and rejections are right here in front of me.

But I know I have to be strong in order to hear the truth and learn from it.

Truth isn't always happyland.

So I'm spending the next little bit seeking God's truth and how it applies to me.

Hopefully I'll be able to accept the truth about myself and the difference between HAVING a friend and BEING a friend.

Share the Buffet!

With the onset of Fall and the transition we must make to bring our activities indoors, I find myself bringing my thoughts inward as well.

I'm such a word picture girl. Why make a simple statement when a long drawn-out story will do?
It's been brought to my attention lately how much time we spend in dead-end relationships or jobs. Or how we settle into our lives, not quite unhappy but not thrilled to get up in the morning either.

It makes me think of buffet lines. You know, the places where you grab a plate at one end and need a crane to help you take your laden dishes to your table?

Everything looks good, has potential. I may not really like slabs of ham or sides of beef but it's my right to take some of everything.

Then after I've nibbled here and there, most of it is left for the overworked server to haul away and discard.

What a waste!

It makes me think of the times I've glanced over at someone elses' dish to see what they chose, noting that the food is something I've always wanted but could never find.
I'm intrigued, so I take myself up to the buffet table again to find that delectable dish to sample myself.

Only it's gone, emptied out of the serving tray.

None for me, who would have enjoyed it immensely. Left to be tossed to the trash because someone got there ahead of me and wasted it.

Do I sound extra emotional about food?

I'm relating it to relationships, really.

How many times do we see couples in this situation? One of the individuals isn't sure, doesn't know, doesn't want to commit, doesn't want to invest.

But he/she doesn't want to be alone either. Or really, they don't want to free the other person, to share, if you will.

I refer to it as taking someone 'off the market.' Hoarding them so no one else gets the joy and benefit of a meaningful relationship. Then by the time one or both of them is fed up (deliberate pun) years have passed and possibilities are limited.

I think we need to get over the 'this will do' mentality.

Have the strength of character and the sensitivity to make wise choices. Don't grab the buffet food just cuz it's there and don't hoard people's hearts just because you can.

Keeping it all Straight

I know what it's like to feel overwhelmed.

Some days it seems like every little hairy detail is nipping at my heels.
The one that nips hardest is the one that gets the attention.

It shouldn't be that way but hey, doesn't it seem to be true for most of us?

These last few weeks have been a busy time for me, and each event required total concentration.

That means that every other person, place, or thing I value had to take a back seat for a while.

I don't like that.

Not only does it feel like I've had to ignore what I value but I've also felt bad for having to make choices.

I'm glad my trusted people understand and give me space (temporarily, of course). But instead of allowing myself to muck around in the muck of 'what I think I should have been able to do all at once' I'm thinking differently.

With the pace of the upcoming holidays I'm clinging to an awareness of time.

And value.

And priorities.

And I'd like you to do that as well.

Let's scale back a little on the 'should do's ' this coming season and focus more on the 'these are important to me's' instead.

We need the willingness to keep it all straight, and the stubbornness to refuse to be sucked into the mire of details and requirements.

I want to make choices and stick with them without guilt or doubt.

I urge you to do the same.

BTW- Thanks to the WISE group at First Christian Church of Florissant, MO for allowing me to lead the anger management seminar last Saturday. You were all so gracious and receptive to me. I had a great time.

A New Name

If you have read any of my blog posts, you'll know I'm notoriously clumsy.

Some people may say I'm a human cannonball; I prefer to call myself...spacially challenged. If there's something to trip over, bounce off of, smack into or demolish, I'll find it with great efficiency.

It's become a real joke among my friends that I need to either sit down more or create an entire wardrobe made up of bubble wrap and duct tape.

Well, I did it again.

This Wednesday was such a beautiful day here in the St. Louis area. The temperature was cool but still warm enough to not need a sweater and the sun was bright in an almost cloudless sky. The trees have begun to turn the many shades of orange and red that tell us that Fall is here.

When it's nice like that dear hubby and I like to hike in a local park. This time we chose Cuivre River State Park in Troy, MO. There's a trail that wraps around the lake there and it's just challenging enough to make it fun.

And it was fun. Until about half way around the lake.

That was when I got cocky.

It's amazing to me how quickly something awesome (the hike) can turn on you.

As I was motoring along on this very pleasant hike, I looked down and noticed that my shoelace was untied. I mean, that's bad; I didn't want to stumble over it and hurt myself...

In that split second of broken attention I stepped on a large, slippery rock, lost my balance and fell down on my right shoulder.

I saw stars.

It took me a few minutes to catch my breath. Don practically had to call a crane to haul me back up on my feet. I checked for internal and external bleeding.

So far so good.

Remember, I still had to hike the rest of the trail to get back to the car so I was thankful I wasn't really hurt.

But as we continued our hike I couldn't resist the urge to hassle dear hubby about his quick thinking (none) and his sympathetic spirit (also none) in my time of need.

In fact, he thought it was quite entertaining to see me tumble. He actually had the nerve to tell me,

"Honey, I'm going to induct you into a tribe and you will need a new name. I'm going to call you 'She-Who-Falls-Down-A-Lot.'"

I had a few names for him, too, but they weren't repeatable.