Our Lives Are Stories in the Making

When trials strike it feels like time stops.

We are numb to our experiences; tomorrow has no meaning. Sometimes all we can do is remind ourselves to keep breathing.

We've all been dealt blows that force us to curl up into a fetal position and pray it's all a bad dream.

We already know it's a nightmare.

We're shocked to discover that almost everyone else's lives go on. They can keep on with their daily routines without thinking much about it. The world is still spinning while we feel ours has stopped. Frankly, it ticks me off that the sun still rises and falls when I'm suffering.

I don't want to make light of anyone's trauma. I just want to offer this thought:

The story isn't over.

Looking back over the worst chapters in my life, I realize now that they were merely a part of where I am and who I have become.

The same is true for all of us when we reflect on our past.

If THIS hadn't happened then THAT wouldn't have happened and I wouldn't be HERE.

So let me offer hope to anyone who feels stunted or trapped by their circumstances.

God knows what He's doing even if it seems pointless. His view of us and His decisions are based on an eternal perspective. Hope says keep going. Keep the story moving forward.

Because the story is still being written.

Texting is Trouble

A texting glitch nearly cost me a good friendship today.

For a long time I've ranted about the aggravations technology brings to our lives. I've referred to my experiences in a previous blog. I've spoken of it humorously but it really isn't funny.

Many relational arguments are created by websites, chat rooms, Facebook, instant messages and texts. Anger/hurt due to misunderstandings often create rifts between people that can be nearly impossible to close. We assume the wrong was intentional and don't ask for clarification.

We've been taught to believe technology over the word of a human being. Protestations of innocence are drowned out by irrefutable(?) facts; if there's a difference of opinion then there must be deliberate deception.

I want to suggest that technology isn't always foolproof; my experience today convinced me.

I had made plans with my friend earlier in the week and we needed to firm up our plans for today. So I texted her around 6:00 p.m. last night. I was slightly surprised as the evening went on that I hadn't heard from her.

Still hearing nothing, I went to bed around 11 p.m., assured we'd make plans in the morning.

My cellphone burped and chirped @ about 1:15 a.m. relating a message that scolded me for not contacting her and that she was going to bed. I got another text this morning telling me she was letting me off easy because I'd upset her (and woke her up) by texting her at 1:30 a.m.

Only... I was asleep at 1:30 and had sent that message at 6p.m. and she was just now getting it.

So here she was, upset and unable to get back to sleep due to a delayed message. I'm sure she was imagining all sorts of evil against me (at 1:30 in the morning who wouldn't?) because I was so thoughtless.

When we did meet this morning we both held up our cellphones and looked at each other's times and messages to confirm what had happened.

It turns out that we had BOTH messaged each other at about the same time and neither one of us got our texts in a timely manner. Forcing ourselves to discuss it helped us both to be able to confirm what really happened.

We got to talking about how many relationships are damaged because of a delay in transmissions, each person feeling hurt and disrespected. It convinces me that we must fight to maintain control over technology and that we need to be willing to listen to conflicting stories.

So here's the thing. How many times have we assumed that machines can't lie? That someone is trying to fool or cheat us? That we are being made a fool of?

How many times have we been told otherwise and we've refused to believe it?

Take my suggestion: Double check what you see vs. what you are told. Talk it over and respect your relationships by listening and being willing to accept inconsistencies. Be willing to consider that technology may be wrong.

After all, didn't man create the machines?

Blessing Journal

Lately I've noticed how easily we focus on the irritations and crummy things that happen to us throughout our day; the green lights missed and the coffee spills on the furniture. What we forget is that for every negative occurrance there are probably three or more positive experiences we overlook.

That is why I strongly suggest we all keep a blessings journal.

A blessings journal is a special notebook for each person to keep. It can be as simple as the back of an envelope or as formal as a leather bound notebook kept under lock and key.

The point of the journal is to record the blessings, or positive experiences, each day brings.

Now I know some of you are saying, "Oh, Karen, I barely have time to brush my teeth and you expect me to have time to sit down and write into a journal every day?"

Not exactly. I can't sit down for an extended length of time and write in flowery language each and every thing I observe. That would last...not at all.

I can't do it.

But I can grab my journal and write:

Lunch with Bernice.
Sale on mukluks.
Exfoliation successful.

What I notice in people who have begun a journal is that their outlook is beginning to change. They are looking for entries to put into their book. They begin to notice when something happens they would normally overlook. Good stuff.

What follows is a change of heart and attitude that does a lot for their state of mind. I've seen the most negative person motor along with a lift in their spirit as they keep their eyes up rather than down.

One of the greatest thing about keeping a journal is that when things do turn dark and we stumble, we can reread our blessing entries and be reminded that life is good after all. It gives us strength to keep going and expect the tide to turn once more.

I want you to try my idea and see what you think. Keep a list for a few days and reflect on how you feel at the end of the allotted time. It can be simple and you don't have to share it with anyone.

I guarantee you will feel more energized and hopeful. You might even find yourself logging comments made by friends and family wondering what has caused your change of heart.
And wouldn't THAT be a blessing?

Be Careful What You Say

Relationships can be confusing. If you're in one, have been in one, are heading toward one, or know someone whose in one you know what I mean.

One of the most difficult aspect of relating to someone else is being able to trust them, or to believe what they say over time.

I say that because I often observe the different stages of people in their relationships, from the initial 'are you for real because you're so wonderful' all the way to the 'you expect me to believe you for real?' stage.

We build our knowledge of our loved ones based on what they say and do. We want to know that our information is accurate so we can have a consistent picture of them. We look for traits and attitudes we admire.

So what happens when there is a disconnect between what they say and what they do? What if they are very opinionated yet very inconsistent in their own lives?

For example, I once knew a very conservative business owner who was definitely the head of the household. He had high standards for his family and they were very faithful in church participation. I admired them for their consistency.
Until I learned that in his business he sold cigarettes and alcohol along with his other products.

Now I don't want you to think I'm being judgmental; I simply wondered if I really knew this family- if this inconsistency was acceptable to them what else was I missing?

Recently I have heard stories of spats between couples because he doesn't want her to go out with her friends. She feels he's being controlling and disapproving of these friends.

She has forgotten about all the times he has listened to her gripe and complain and vent about these same friends to him; if he loves her he will feel protective and want to shield her from such negativity and bad influences.

Then she turns around and wants to go out with them and expects his blessing!

How confusing.

So it makes me wonder how many times I've been too liberal in my opinions and who I shared them with. How many times I've painted a black picture about people or things and then turned around and embraced them. Am I giving those who love me the wrong idea about me? Am I doing it so often they push me away because they can't believe anything I say anymore?

We need to filter what we say. Not out of over-protectiveness but rather, is it really true or a spur of the moment temper tantrum? Am I ultimately lying?

In this year of taking personal responsibility let me challenge you to consider your comments and behavior. Make sure you live what you believe. Don't expect your loved ones to know what you mean- say what you mean.

And then live what you mean.

Snowed In

Here's the thing:

I have plans. Stuff I want to do.

I've built up momentum in my life; things on my 'to do' list and they HAVE to be done today. In person. Face to face. NOW.

Except our area is being socked in by massive waves of ice, sleet and snow. No one is going anywhere and even if we left our houses there is no place to go. Even the malls are closed due to snow!
We're all being warned to stay put and not burden the city by having to come rescue us when (not if) we get stranded.
So despite my perfect plans for the week everything has had to be changed.

Now I have a choice:

I can gripe and stomp around and make everyone's life miserable (made even MORE miserable because they're trapped in the house with me and can't escape!) I can complain and try to manipulate my circumstances.

Or I can go to plan B.

You know plan B. It's the one you have set aside for 'someday.' Someday I'll read that book, try that recipe, write that letter, clear off my desktop, catch up with loved ones.

It's funny because I suspect we think 'someday' will never come, otherwise we wouldn't get so irritated when it does arrive. We would embrace it.

Emotional peace and satisfaction is our goal. If not, we'd might as well give up our yoga and candles and prayer life completely. Why bother trying to invest in ourselves and our relationships if there's no pay off at the end of the day?

Which brings me back to the snowstorm.

It's out of my control.

I've decided to relax. I've been baking, puttering around in the kitchen.
I've been watching the little birds outside my kitchen door pecking around for seeds buried under the falling snow. I've also been watching my much-younger neighbor shovel and scrape his driveway twice so far.

Needless to say, the plans are cancelled. Tabled. Neutralized. Not gonna happen today.

So along with my baking and blogging and hibernating, let me give you some food for thought:
Determine along with me that you're going to take glitches in stride. Accept that your investment today is in you. Recharge, reflect, renew.

Once the roads are cleared you can enter the world with a fresh perspective.

Just watch out for that patch of ice.