Christmas Overload

Hi Everyone!

I hope you are all pacing yourselves and enjoying this holiday season.

Most of you already know that dear hubby Don loves Christmas movies. He's been known to watch Lifetime movies ad infinitum, especially if the word 'Christmas' is in the title.

Out of curiousity, I just checked out the menu on our tv DVR. Here is a partial list of movies Don has either watched, is currently watching, or plans to watch in the very near future:

A Christmas Proposal
A Boyfriend for Christmas
The Christmas Wish
The 12 Wishes
An Old-Fashioned Christmas
The Most Wonderful Time of the Year
A Princess for Christmas
Eve's Christmas
Christmas in Paradise
Christmas Blessing
Cancel Christmas
November Christmas
Moonlight and Mistletoe
Mistletoe Over Manhattan
The Christmas Card
Christmas Wedding

...Remember, this is a PARTIAL list because he's already watched some and deleted them. If you notice, there is no mention of the classic movies like 'White Christmas' or 'Christmas Carol.'

Not even the 'Muppets Christmas Carol.'

I wonder if there's a 12-step program for Christmas movie addicts. If there is, there might be a support group for family members of Christmas movie junkies.

I might be the founding member.

I'd better go now. The movie is now getting to the end where it magically begins to snow and everyone is smiling and the credit card bills haven't arrived yet.

I love that part.

Puppy Changes Everything

This is like deja-vu all over again.

Our new puppy Teddy has totally retooled (redrooled?) our way of thinking. It's as if we had a baby in the house again.

This time we're almost prepared: the shoes are above chew level, the grab-able dangly earrings are stored away for a while.

We even had to put a baby gate up to protect the Christmas tree.

Alas, we were too late in some instances: A button mysteriously disappeared from my cozy slippers, a few ornaments became chew toys, and we've had to splice the wiring on not one but two phone chargers.

But we're more resilient this time. Unlike a toddler, we can crate this rascal. The protesting noises are similar but the guilt I feel isn't the same.

We've had visitors to see the new family member, each person presenting gifts which promptly were ignored in favor of the packaging they came in.

Hey, I gotta go- I just realized it's been way too quiet for a few minutes. I have to go check on the little furball to see if he's writing on the walls or sticking his tongue in a light socket.

Later!

Puppy Love

I would have written sooner, really. My brain is filled with lots of stuff (or is it stuffing?) I want to share with you.

But I have been detained.
Derailed.
Hindered.
Sideswiped.
Kidnapped.
Dognapped.

Actually, of all the descriptive words mentioned above, the last one is the most accurate. I have been captured by the attentions of a dog.

A puppy.

This weird little black ball of fur- daughter Kari calls it a 'Lint Trap'- came into our lives two weeks ago.

And I haven't slept through the night since.

You'd think I had a newborn around here, what with the demands this little mutt has made on my oh-so-cushy life.

I call it a mutt because we're not really sure what he is. If we took a poll (and gambled with real money) the odds are that he's a labrador/chow mix and I'd be rich.

A Chowbrador or a Labchow.

At any rate, a dear(?) friend of mine rescued this stray puppy and brought him to me.

I resisted but was overtaken by the irresistible aroma of puppy breath. Baking chocolate chip cookies and fresh mountain air can't compete with the smell of puppy breath. Wars could be averted if, instead of cyanide gas, armies sprayed puppy breath.

I wasn't quite ready for a dog since the loss of Barney, my 17 year old beagle mix in June. But my friend (??) decided we were this little canine's only hope.

Don and I hemmed and hawed and reasoned and debated until finally...

Well, his name is Teddy.

I'll tell you more about this little guy but I might have to wait until he's past his teething phase.

He's clamped onto my pantleg and I'm having trouble getting to the computer.

One More Thing...

Almost forgot to mention that today marks a big anniversary in my life.

On November 17, 1986 my bedraggled family and I limped into St. Charles, MO wondering what on earth God was thinking.

We'd just resigned from a staff position at a Christian school and had nowhere to go. We were confused and angry at the turn our lives had taken. We were embarassed that 2 college graduates with 2 toddlers and 7 years of marriage behind us could have so (meant NO) few options.

We'd sacrificed everything to be in ministry and had nothing to show for it; not even good memories of blessings we'd received through selfless service. We owned nothing and had no prospects.

Finally, out of desperation, we contacted my Dad in St. Louis to ask for advice. In his generosity, Dad and Milly jumped into their van, rented a u-haul trailer and came to help us out and bring us back with them.

I remember riding along with my Dad along Hwy 70 heading east. We passed a billboard advertising a tourist attraction and I asked, "What's the name of the town we're moving to?"

Thankfully, Dad had a condo he'd bought for an investment and he allowed us to move in there until we could get on our feet. It was really humbling, yet meaningful since that condo was the nicest place we'd lived in thus far.

During our time here in St. Louis, I've experienced so many blessings. Our lives have completely changed. Now as I look back, my anger and confusion has transformed to gratitude to recognize how we were being led to be here.

I think I drive my Dad crazy because I've make some kind of gratitude statement on this day every year. So let me push him a tad further to the 'happy home.'

Thanks, Dad and Milly, for all you've done for us and who you are in our lives.

We love you very much.

When I Was Your Age

It's true:

The older you get the smarter your parents become.

I know this is true because I hear myself saying the same things to my kids my fuddy duddy parents said to me.

Things like:

Be careful
Just wait until (fill in the blank)
When I was a kid
It's my house and I can say what I want
If you don't work you don't eat.

I'm realizing that such comments weren't meant to criticize or demean me. They were intended to reach across the years of experience and hard knocks to perhaps help me avoid doing some pretty foolish things.

I wonder how the folks felt when I did something foolish anyway.

So as I share old fogey-isms with my own kids and anyone else within earshot,let me challenge you to listen to yourself as you speak to your loved ones. Make sure your words are meant to guide and not to demean.

In the stillness of your heart, utter a blessing to those who have invested into your life words of caution and experience.

Then maybe you'll appreciate your life, your job, your church, your family and friends and be thankful for them.

Be careful
Look both ways
Chew your food
Don't talk with your mouth full
Eat your vegetables

One day you'll thank me.

Have You Ever...

Have you ever accidentally sprayed your underarms with hairspray, thinking it was deodorant?

Have you ever gone to church wearing two different colored shoes?

Have you ever sat in on a meeting only to realize you're in the wrong meeting?

Have you ever gone through an entire day and not realize until getting ready for bed you'd worn your shirt inside out?

Have you ever spent panic-filled moments looking for your car keys only to realize you'd been holding the keys all along?

How about looking for same keys in same panic while sitting in the car while it's running (so THAT's where the keys went!)?

Have you ever walked across a crowded room with your skirt tucked up into your panty hose?

Have you ever addressed the 'new wife' by the 'old wife's' name?

Have you ever been so overwhelmed by the magnitude of an important finals exam you blanked out when asked to write your name at the top of the page?

Have you ever stood on a ramp in a busy building, thrown back your head in laughter and broken the strand of beads you'd been wearing,thus sending you and everyone else chasing after rolling beads scattered everywhere?

Have you ever been onstage at a dance recital and realize your costume top had not been adequately secured?

Have you ever gotten the giggles while someone else is in deep heartfelt prayer?

Ummm...

Me neither

Truth Hurts

Truth is really difficult to accept when it's someone elses' truth.

You find yourself somewhat confused and quite aggravated to discover what you thought was reality may not have been real after all.

I'm thinking of the times I've skipped merrily along thinking everything was cool. At the time I was probably even gloating about just how cool everything was. I had my thoughts figured out, my faith figured out, and even my relationships were neatly arranged in a perfect order.

How painful it is when I'm stopped short by a truth encounter I never expected.
And I feel that kind of pain now.

Some of my pain is grief because a friend of mine 'quit' me today. I feel sick and a little lost, trying to remember or figure out what I did wrong and what signals I'd missed over time.

Another element of pain is self-blame that I could be so clueless about someone else's feelings. I mean, I WORK with emotions for a LIVING. How could I have been so unaware of my own friends' feelings?

I'm fighting the old memories of another friendship that ended abruptly and badly.
All the fears, recriminations and rejections are right here in front of me.

But I know I have to be strong in order to hear the truth and learn from it.

Truth isn't always happyland.

So I'm spending the next little bit seeking God's truth and how it applies to me.

Hopefully I'll be able to accept the truth about myself and the difference between HAVING a friend and BEING a friend.

Share the Buffet!

With the onset of Fall and the transition we must make to bring our activities indoors, I find myself bringing my thoughts inward as well.

I'm such a word picture girl. Why make a simple statement when a long drawn-out story will do?
It's been brought to my attention lately how much time we spend in dead-end relationships or jobs. Or how we settle into our lives, not quite unhappy but not thrilled to get up in the morning either.

It makes me think of buffet lines. You know, the places where you grab a plate at one end and need a crane to help you take your laden dishes to your table?

Everything looks good, has potential. I may not really like slabs of ham or sides of beef but it's my right to take some of everything.

Then after I've nibbled here and there, most of it is left for the overworked server to haul away and discard.

What a waste!

It makes me think of the times I've glanced over at someone elses' dish to see what they chose, noting that the food is something I've always wanted but could never find.
I'm intrigued, so I take myself up to the buffet table again to find that delectable dish to sample myself.

Only it's gone, emptied out of the serving tray.

None for me, who would have enjoyed it immensely. Left to be tossed to the trash because someone got there ahead of me and wasted it.

Do I sound extra emotional about food?

I'm relating it to relationships, really.

How many times do we see couples in this situation? One of the individuals isn't sure, doesn't know, doesn't want to commit, doesn't want to invest.

But he/she doesn't want to be alone either. Or really, they don't want to free the other person, to share, if you will.

I refer to it as taking someone 'off the market.' Hoarding them so no one else gets the joy and benefit of a meaningful relationship. Then by the time one or both of them is fed up (deliberate pun) years have passed and possibilities are limited.

I think we need to get over the 'this will do' mentality.

Have the strength of character and the sensitivity to make wise choices. Don't grab the buffet food just cuz it's there and don't hoard people's hearts just because you can.

Keeping it all Straight

I know what it's like to feel overwhelmed.

Some days it seems like every little hairy detail is nipping at my heels.
The one that nips hardest is the one that gets the attention.

It shouldn't be that way but hey, doesn't it seem to be true for most of us?

These last few weeks have been a busy time for me, and each event required total concentration.

That means that every other person, place, or thing I value had to take a back seat for a while.

I don't like that.

Not only does it feel like I've had to ignore what I value but I've also felt bad for having to make choices.

I'm glad my trusted people understand and give me space (temporarily, of course). But instead of allowing myself to muck around in the muck of 'what I think I should have been able to do all at once' I'm thinking differently.

With the pace of the upcoming holidays I'm clinging to an awareness of time.

And value.

And priorities.

And I'd like you to do that as well.

Let's scale back a little on the 'should do's ' this coming season and focus more on the 'these are important to me's' instead.

We need the willingness to keep it all straight, and the stubbornness to refuse to be sucked into the mire of details and requirements.

I want to make choices and stick with them without guilt or doubt.

I urge you to do the same.

BTW- Thanks to the WISE group at First Christian Church of Florissant, MO for allowing me to lead the anger management seminar last Saturday. You were all so gracious and receptive to me. I had a great time.

A New Name

If you have read any of my blog posts, you'll know I'm notoriously clumsy.

Some people may say I'm a human cannonball; I prefer to call myself...spacially challenged. If there's something to trip over, bounce off of, smack into or demolish, I'll find it with great efficiency.

It's become a real joke among my friends that I need to either sit down more or create an entire wardrobe made up of bubble wrap and duct tape.

Well, I did it again.

This Wednesday was such a beautiful day here in the St. Louis area. The temperature was cool but still warm enough to not need a sweater and the sun was bright in an almost cloudless sky. The trees have begun to turn the many shades of orange and red that tell us that Fall is here.

When it's nice like that dear hubby and I like to hike in a local park. This time we chose Cuivre River State Park in Troy, MO. There's a trail that wraps around the lake there and it's just challenging enough to make it fun.

And it was fun. Until about half way around the lake.

That was when I got cocky.

It's amazing to me how quickly something awesome (the hike) can turn on you.

As I was motoring along on this very pleasant hike, I looked down and noticed that my shoelace was untied. I mean, that's bad; I didn't want to stumble over it and hurt myself...

In that split second of broken attention I stepped on a large, slippery rock, lost my balance and fell down on my right shoulder.

I saw stars.

It took me a few minutes to catch my breath. Don practically had to call a crane to haul me back up on my feet. I checked for internal and external bleeding.

So far so good.

Remember, I still had to hike the rest of the trail to get back to the car so I was thankful I wasn't really hurt.

But as we continued our hike I couldn't resist the urge to hassle dear hubby about his quick thinking (none) and his sympathetic spirit (also none) in my time of need.

In fact, he thought it was quite entertaining to see me tumble. He actually had the nerve to tell me,

"Honey, I'm going to induct you into a tribe and you will need a new name. I'm going to call you 'She-Who-Falls-Down-A-Lot.'"

I had a few names for him, too, but they weren't repeatable.

Quit Thinking and DO Something!

It seems I have spent most of my life trying to slow down.

By that I mean I've always spoken out of turn, made rash decisions, had major meltdowns that turned out to be based on emotion rather than fact.

It has kicked my backside time and again.

So much so that I've become a huge fan of taking a moment to stop, think, and pray before making a major (or even minor) decison.

That's cool and it's saved me from many angst-filled moments. I'm sure if I hadn't taken those breathers I'd have more regrets and been compelled to make amends alot.

But I've become aware of a problem that arises when we take too long to think about all the ins and outs of each situation:

Paralysis.

We tend to think that everything needs to be planned out to the ultimate degree before we make a single decision. By the time we write everything down, make multiple copies, bring it to our church care group, or talk to anyone we've ever met, the opportunity might well be gone. Or something else pushed its way into our thoughts and again, by the time we remember to think about it the chance has passed us by.

I think sometimes we demand a guarantee that everything we do will be successful and if we do everything right our lives will be perfect and problem free.

That takes away the risk, to be sure, but it also excludes the excitement and courage it takes to simply trust that God will take care of us.

I believe that we take ourselves too seriously sometimes; what makes me think that my worrying about an issue will make it go any easier?

Lately I've beome aware of how important it is to actually put action to our hopes and dreams. Like, if you dream of being a writer, write something. If you want to be a gardener, plant something. If you want to be an action hero, practice your alter ego and get exercise by wriggling into your tights in extremely small spaces.

How tragic it would be to look back on your life and think about all the hesitations and second-thoughts that caused paralysis and lack of contentment.

Quit thinking so hard and DO something!

Too Much Too Soon

Okay, I'm going to vent here.

No, I'm not really mad.

Or even upset.

But it seems kind of weird to me how much technology has changed the rules of how people interact with each other.

I know-Karen-you've-said-this-before-ad-nauseum.

But I've got a new one for you:

Has anyone else spoken to an obviously pregnant woman and been told,
"Her name is Isabelle"

or

"This is Martin"

in a tone that suggests I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN WHO WAS IN THERE??!!

I kind of expect the Mommy to say to her tummy, "What do you say to the nice lady?"

To me, being an outsider (literally), I'm addressing an individual who has a big belly. Until birth that child is a sweet surprise.
I could as well be discussing someone's bunion for all I know.

But somehow I have insulted an entire family.

Facebook has displayed ultrasound pictures of babies that are so clear I'm surprised the kid isn't wearing a onesie or have a bow in her hair.

Sometimes I feel like I'm invading someone else's privacy when I see these photos. I mean, I'm embarrassed enough when my family shows pictures of me in my underpants when I was 3 years old.

Can you imagine how freaked out these kids will be when they get older to know some stranger has seen their umbilical cord?

uughh!

Internal Battles

No, I'm not talking about what happens when you eat cranberries and then have a gulp of milk (I did that...once).

I'm talking about the old habitual self-talk that whispers into your brain and makes you think it's the truth.

The self-talk that reminds you of all your old mistakes and embarrassments; the fear that what you thought happened may not have gone that way at all.

When those thoughts/fears arise, what do you do?

I used to think that any second thoughts or negative feelings were an expression of being realistic:

Maybe I missed some social cues at the time and beating myself up was a way of taking responsibility and reminding myself that I shouldn't get too cocky.

I've learned over time that those thoughts and feelings are very inaccurate. When I work so hard at making something 'not about me' I'm ironically MAKING it 'about me!'

It takes surrender and the willingness to accept what trusted others say about you until you've learned how to see it for yourself. I'm often surprised when my trusted others are more impressed with me than I am with myself.

But I believe God puts people into our lives to provide us a forum for feedback and encouragement. Sometimes there are several people and often it's just one individual who we can bounce ideas off of and know we can get a realistic opinion.

I know I'm not alone in these internal battles; almost all of us question our choices and interpretation of events. That's why I'm so determined to be one of the trusted ones in people's lives.

So as I go about my day, I will mentally wrap all my self criticisms up and stuff them way back in my pantry (I never go there anyway). I will take a deep breath, brush my hair out of my eyes, relax my shoulders, and move ahead knowing that this whole life thing isn't all about me anyway.

Afterthoughts

It's taken me a few days to catch my breath and process my impressions of "An Evening with Karen Wasoba."

First, I was overwhelmed by the dear people who endured a night of rainy weather on a Friday night to attend. I thought that was amazing, especially since there wasn't a whole lot of advertisement. We had exactly the amount of folks who could fit into such a compact place.

Second, the sense of community blessed me immensely. At one point I almost felt like we were a huge family coming to support little Joey's first piano recital.

So many friends stepped in to make sure the details were taken care of. That was a major relief to me.

Next, thanks to the dear ones who pulled me aside to pray with me. It really did calm my nerves and allowed me to surrender everything into God's care.

I felt a subtle letdown the next day when I woke up with a major sore throat and fever. Not feeling well, I found myself thinking of all the things I should have done better. All the comments I wanted to add but didn't and vice versa. I'm still dealing with the afterthoughts and working to be objective about everything.

I've gotten positive responses from attenders and I can't tell you how much I appreciated it.

I also watched the video...Don now tells me we don't have the equipment to transfer it from our camcorder to the computer. We're working on it.

I have lots more to say about this but for now let me say I'm glad I went through with it.
Was I comfortable?

Sort of.

Did I have fun?

Yep!

Will I do it again?

Um... I don't know about whether the world can handle Part Deux. Let's just say I'm glad I have a 'day job' I love.

In the end, I think we did what we set out to do:

Just sit back and have fun.

I DID IT!!!!

I'd like to express my sincere appreciation to everyone who attended "An Evening with Karen Wasoba."

I couldn't have asked for a better evening (dryer, maybe. And I give terrible driving directions...). It went pretty smoothly, and while I'm by no means a professional entertainer I like to think we had fun.

I was so tickled to see many familiar faces there last night. It meant a lot to me to be encouraged in this way. There were approximately 30 people in attendance and plenty of refreshments to go around.

Thank you so much to those folks who took care of the details such as delivering and setting up chairs, making sure the lighting was good, folks who brought decadently fabulous desserts, made coffee.

You don't know how much it blessed me to be helped like that.

Thanks, too, to my kids who jumped in and encouraged me by sitting up front and pretending (?) to be interested in my stories.

Don, too, was a great help. Too bad I spent most of the evening telling tales about him.

Wait.

They aren't tales if they're TRUE.

I really don't know how it went; I was so preoccupied with making sure I had my routine going I couldn't be sure if it was good or my dear audience was being nice.

I'll watch the video in the next few days. It will be difficult and I'll be irritated that no one told me my outfit didn't match.

But I have to admit I brought as much as I could to the evening.

I'm most likely not going to quit my day job, but taking the risk to do some stand-up comedy was thrilling for me.

Thanks again to everyone!

p.s. I woke up today with a fever and laryngitis. Maybe I overdid it.

Here We Go!

It is almost Zero Hour.

I have my notecards, my crew is spiffing up the place.

I'm spiffing myself up.

In just a few hours a group of friends and I will indulge ourselves in an hour (or so) of nothing but fun.

This fun does not involve mud baths, football games (sorry guys) or shopping.

It involves laughter.

and desserts.

Tonight is the event I've been blogging about for the last little bit. I'm planning to share many true stories from my goofy life. I've asked my son Ryan to play and sing a song for the group.

I'm nervously excited. Or excitedly nervous.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Countdown Has Begun

So here's the challenging part of being challenged:

It's one thing to hatch a plan, have a great idea.

It's another thing to share your ideas and get feedback for them.

It's a whole different matter to work the details out so it goes off without a hitch.

Cuz there are hitches built into everything we try to accomplish; if it were easy we'd have done it a long time ago.

When I think of trying to do things all by myself in my own strength I get tired.
I can't think of every possible factor to host a successful event. And by the time I did take care of details I'd be so 'over it' I wouldn't care anymore.

But I have friends who know a lot about a lot of things. I'm relying on them to step in and use their talents in allowing me to concentrate on the show I'm planning to host tomorrow night.

This ought to be fun. And weird. And different. And memorable.

I just sat at McDonald's for 4 hours while I wrote my comments on 3x5 cards. It took 44 cards and I had to stop cuz I ran out of ink.

So I'm all set (unless I drop the cards during the event).

Or I get writer's cramp.

See you tomorrow!

Preparation Blues

I've noticed how challenging it is to prepare for an event, even a fun one.

There is such a thing as too much preparation.

I admire so much those folks who seem to do this kind of thing easily.
They make it look spontaneous but don't let them fool you.

I've been jotting down ideas and even writing down what I want to say. But I know that the actual evening will go quickly.

I'm reminded of my wedding day-

It took so long to plan and prepare. When I looked at the church clock after the ceremony I was shocked to realize the entire thing had taken only 24 minutes.

I wanted to do it over again just to get my money's worth!

That's what this event will feel like. So don't be surprised if I repeat myself.

A lot.

OH NO!!

I just found out that Wasoba means something nasty in some other language!

(Why am I surprised?)

I was checking my wasoblog history and clicked on the url bringing in the most people. There's a dictionary definition of 'wasoba' and one of the words used to describe it was 'douchbag.'

So here I'm hoping that folks in other countries are enjoying my blog, only to discover they're probably disappointed I'm not a douchbag.

Wait.

That could be positive, right?

Anyway, I am dismayed.

By tomorrow I'm sure I'll think it's hilarious.

Keep Your Eyes Open

By the way, I have to make mention of the ads on the blog page.
They are seriously funny!

There's an automatic function that posts ads that match key words in my post. So if I say something about God, religious ads appear; if I mention counseling or parenting, something else appears.

Did anyone notice what was posted on one of my first blog posts after allowing ads?

I was speaking about marriage counseling, I guess.

When I checked the post later I noticed an ad headline that asked,

'Cheating, Lying Spouse?' and gave the number for an attorney.

I have no idea where they got the ad for the devil tattoos tho.

When you read my blog, look around the page to see what ads they choose.

Until I figure out (or care to learn) how to pick my own advertisers, I'm just enjoying the added entertainment of random computer-chosen ads.

Maybe you'll get a kick out of it, too.

Event Update

New news for you:

In an effort to keep costs down and ease some planning pressure, I've decided to host my "Evening with Karen Wasoba" at my office conference area.

Official address is 4025 N. St. Peters Parkway, St. Charles, MO 63304

It's a smallish room but we're a creative bunch; the closeness will add ambiance...

So I've become aware of an undercurrent of excitement on the part of my friends and family. Many helpers have stepped forward and comments have been positive.

It's actually kind of weird to be preparing for this. Usually my speaking topics are very deep, serious, and spiritual.

Not this time!!

Let's hope you have as much fun listening as I'm sure I'll have sharing.

See you soon.

Overcoming Freakouts

Whew! I feel better now.

For a while there, the thought of trying to plan and perform in an event kind of made me freak out.

I almost swallowed my uvula.

But with the encouragement of good (?) friends, plans are still rolling to host 'An Evening with Karen Wasoba' on Friday, September 9.

The venue may change, so I will let you know when I find out for sure.

When I encourage folks to take risks and try things out, please know I'm aware of the fear and uncertainty such risks involve. It's freaky and scary and waaay easier to forget about it completely.

The point is to keep moving forward anyway.

I'm amazed by the positive comments I've received regarding this upcoming event.

It sounds like many folks are planning to attend and enjoy it. I'm also aware of how many potential hecklers will be coming. Those are the ones who forget I probably have a thing or two to say TO or ABOUT them...

Here's a warning:

Don't mess with a stressed woman who's menopausal; one hot flash and it's OVER!

I'm just sayin.'

Second Thoughts

Now that I've announced my plans to host a 'fun night' I'm having second thoughts.

Not second thoughts about our need for fun and laughter.

Not second thoughts about my desire to host it, to share funny stories about my experiences.

But rather, second thoughts about my ability to do it.

I know all about how God gives each of us talents and the strength to use them.
But I'd be lying to you if I didn't admit to having reservations about THIS experience THIS time.

I'm blown away by the details and hoops one has to jump through to plan even a casual event like this. It's a major challenge and a reminder that doing things properly is one form of obedience to God.

So.

Since I'm focused on preparation and hoping for a successful evening, I'll be sharing with you how it's going.

Second thoughts, cold feet, snags, the whole thing.

Stay tuned.

Practicing What I Preach

So here's the big news:

On Friday, September 9, 2011, I will be hosting an event in the chapel at Harvester Christian Church in St. Charles, MO.

I plan to speak that night, sharing my light-hearted perspective on everything from self-esteem, men, parenting, and whatever else comes to my mind at the moment.

I've been urging my clients/friends/readers to stretch themselves, take risks. Do something that fits your talents and interests, I nag.

I remember an old saying, 'Those who can't do, teach.'

I sort of believe it but I think many of us could do more in our lives if we just give it a try. We don't always have to be on the sidelines wondering if we could have been successful. It's okay to give stuff a try.

Before I sound all noble, let me say this:

I do have a safety net for this fun evening I'm planning. I expect my audience to have a good time, all the while laughing either with me or at me.

I don't care, just so long as they laugh.

So as I prepare to practice what I preach, let me challenge you to think about a few things you've always wanted to try. Pick one and get going!

Reality Check

Dear Hubby and I went camping last weekend.

Call me romantic, but when Don gifted me with a 2 night basic camping reservation at my favorite local park I was delighted.

No delicates or expensive jewelry for me; the only fluffy stuff I'm interested in right now is toasted marshmallows over a roaring campfire.

Not a tough decision- would I rather wear something pretty or eat something yummy?

Yummy!

Anyway, despite some dark clouds and a few rain drops we threw our gear in the trunk and drove to the campground. Right away I settled into the limitations of basic living- you eat only what you brought, you cook in the one pan you have, use only that which you have with you.

It was nice. And peaceful.

I couldn't think about all the stuff I had to do because I had brought no work with me. Don and I walked and talked and generally allowed ourselves to unwind. (btw, I think I did better than Don at unwinding because our second day camping he began to experience detox from tv- it almost got ugly there for a bit).

It stormed, too. Our stuff got soggy. We managed to wring stuff out and carry on.
Didn't change my clothes for 2 days but that's another story entirely.

When our trip was over (sigh) we packed up our gear and went home. We were relaxed and content. We sat in our favorite chairs and just stared off into space.

Then daughter Kari came upstairs, sat down and looked at me expectantly.

"i'd like to go to the mall."

Expectant pause while looking at me.

I deflate.

I hesitate.

And then I cave in.

So we drive to this nice mall and I am struck by how different the mindset is among shoppers than campers.

Camping mindset: The marshmallows are crunched? You dropped the hot dog on the ground? Pick it up quick and brush it off! I'm sure it's still good if you eat it fast. Forgot your hairbrush? Don't worry about it- you're wearing a hat anyway and we all look homeless.

Shopping mindset: I NEED new shoes. No, those are too plain. I want some fancy ones. But they're pretty. That outfit is pretty; it looks like the other one in the other store. Lots of accessories; I need lots of jewelry, purses, hats, etc...

By the time I got back home I was mentally scrambled. The change in reality was exhausting.

I'm not criticizing shopping, malls, materialism and espousing all nature and simplicity.
I'm suggesting I need to be reminded what is valuable to me. Sometimes there's nothing like a great shopping trip with a great companion. It allows you time to share opinions and learn about each other.

But so does simplicity.

Scary Experience While Hiking

I thought it was over.

Every dire warning, every caution I had been given in the past rang chillingly in my brain.
I was in real danger here. And I didn't know how to rescue myself.

Even as I sit here sharing this experience with you I am reminded how many times I ignore really good advice. I am humbled by my tendency to rush blindly into things without being mindful of the results.

Here's what happened:

I love to hike. It restores me and refreshes my thoughts. While hiking I am reminded of the intricacies of God and how He cares about detail. So many things today (before my traumatic experience) showed me how God cares about things in nature most of us will never even see. It keeps my perspective realistic.

So here I am, about 2 or more miles on the hiking trail- about halfway. I've seen some people also enjoying the trail but hadn't seen anyone for a while.

Suddenly I became aware of a horrible, dull sound. Rhythmically following me. I tried not to overreact so I calmly stopped. Whoever or whatever it was stopped also.
My heart began to beat faster as I realized I was totally at the mercy of whatever it was that was behind me. I took a few more steps, sensing that someone was lurking behind me who meant to cause me harm.

It is true that your thoughts kind of race when you panic. In my mind I heard Don scold me for hiking alone, and other people warning me that despite my sense of safety I had to take steps to protect myself.

I promised myself that if I got out of this I'd actually pay attention to the warnings. I hoped I'd survive whatever this freaky thing is- what good is a lesson learned if you don't live to talk about it?

The sound grew louder and louder as I attempted to calmly continue along the trail in hopes of meeting another hiker.

No such luck.

This really wasn't funny, guys. I was terrified. How would my family fare emotionally if something terrible happened to me?

I determined that no matter what was about to happen, I would fight and I would prevail. I wiped my sweaty palms on my shorts in anticipation.

Then I noticed something.

When I rubbed my hands on my shorts the horrible, menacing sound stopped. It changed into a soft swishy sound. I touched the sides of my shorts again to confirm my suspicions. And I laughed nervously.

What I had been convinced was a threatening sound was, in reality, my shorts legs rubbing together as I hiked. The heavy tread of footsteps behind me wasn't behind me at all, rather, it was the sound of my own steps mingled with the friction of my clothing as I walked down the path!

What a relief!

And how embarrassing.

I'm not really sure what the true lesson was in this except I shouldn't be hiking by myself in the near future.

Either that or I should bring talcum powder along with me.

Out of My Comfort Zone

Or maybe deeper into it. My comfort zone, that is.

I don't seem to think like most other folks.

While I'm generally respectful of the opinions of others, I tend to take a different approach to my outlook on life.

It doesn't take much for me to burst out laughing (NOT recommended at a funeral, as I've learned) simply because I have a running commentary in my head in response to what's going on.

My daughter Kari says I'm the only person she knows who can be alone in a room and start hooting and hollering over something. I tell her I'm the only one who gets the joke!

I've been (mostly) happily counseling for 12 years and I'm pretty experienced in teaching and encouragement.

What I've noticed is that overall, very few of us give ourselves permission to just enjoy our lives; apparently, as believers in Christ we're supposed to be very heartfelt and earnest.

Well, I'm here to tell you, laughter is good for you! It has healing power and forces us to surrender our self-control to the light-hearted moment. Any woman over 50 knows just HOW out of control we can be when we start laughing...Depends, anyone?

I'm planning an informal gathering in mid-September (exact date tba) for folks to gather to be entertained.

Um, by ME.

For quite a while I've wanted to share my ability to tell funny stories, and hopefully, get a chuckle or two out of my listeners. I'm not positive where it will all lead, but I'm willing to risk it.

So here goes. I'll be updating my blog with info as it comes in. I'm looking for a local place for us to gather (hubby Don says we can meet at the park but Honey, I'm not into inhaling bugs for ANYBODY).

Pray for me and pray for the attenders. Especially the attenders.

Thanks.

Courage to Change

Have you noticed how easy it is to encourage someone else to do something challenging, yet when you're the one being pushed to change it's an entirely different story?

I find myself constantly weighing and measuring what I say vs. what I do. I can acknowledge that it's one thing to urge a friend to try new things; it's easy to observe the outcome and, honestly, doesn't involve any personal risk.

But MAN, I seem to be reading from a different instruction manual when it's all up to me. Suddenly I can rattle off every excuse known to man why it's not going to work in my case. Any joy or excitement (or knowing God is blessing me) dissipates when I'm the 'chosen one.'

I remember when I was still in college- my best friend, Terrie, and I were very competitive about speech class. We were always somehow trying to get the best grades. In doing so, I think we motivated each other to a level of success I know I wouldn't have worked for alone.

Here's why:

Terrie loved speech, public speaking, and all things drama related. I, on the other hand, had stage fright and feared blanking out in front of my peers. The night before many speech days I'd pray for death, the Rapture, some freak accident. I'd beg the Lord to give the speech teacher amnesia. That there'd be a hurricane or tsunami that would somehow delay my turn in front of the class(without losing points, of course).

So, up comes a speech competition open to all students, but the speech students are required to enter. The best 10 speeches then got to speak in front of the entire student body (maybe 1,000 students) at chapel. Terrie was geared up for it, looked forward to it, and spent lots of time diligently preparing to move forward in the competition.

I, on the other hand, just focused on not forgetting my lines. That's all.

So the magical day arrives when they announce the 10 students' names; those chosen ones who will gleefully show their stuff in chapel on that special day.

I'm totally pumped- for Terrie. I'm all into encouraging her to accept she was going to be named and that she'd enjoy it. I strutted around acknowledging that I had a talented friend. I made a big big deal over pointing to her with a knowing look when the contestants names were being called.

And I was right! Terrie was named and I was so happy for her! She really deserved it.
But then... my name was called next.

So here's the point.

I totally wilted. I felt like the judge had just sentenced me to life in prison. I began crying in fear of having to move out of my comfort zone by speaking in chapel.

It was awful. My memories of those days and weeks in preparation are dim as I reacted in fear and looked at the challenge as a death sentence.

Back to now:

I'm being challenged right now to step out of my comfort zone. I'm excited and terrified. I can think of all the reasons why this step won't succeed. Depending on my attitude, I will either be a shining success or a dismal failure.

It's funny, really, how inconsistent we are. I have to be honest with myself to admit that the same rules of encouragement I apply to others must also apply to me. Stepping out in faith means believing God will sort it all out. My job is just to do the stepping.

I've got some stuff swirling around that I'm working on. Some new ideas and some risks I'm hoping to take. I'll try to keep you guys in the know about them.

By the way, I did fine in the competition. I prepared, walked forward when they called my name to speak, did what I could, and sat back down. I didn't win, but I lived to talk about it.

Some 35 years later.

Rest and Renewal

Hi Gang!

Hubby and I are back home from our first vacation in 3 years. We went to Colorado where we enjoyed 85 degree temperatures while poor old St. Louis had heat warnings.

I'd like to feel sympathy for my friends back home but I was having too much fun.

Being 'in the moment' was a real challenge for me; I had gotten in the habit of reviewing the past and worrying about the future.

I believe God deliberately gives us each moment of our lives a moment at a time for a reason.

That reason being we'd rush ahead or lag behind if we got to spend our time any way we wanted.
That's why this Colorado time out was so important to me.

I needed to get away and reevaluate my life and how I spend it.
Who I'm living for and what is important to me.

I was reminded of the glory and power of God when hiking the Maroon Bells to Crater Lake in Aspen, CO.
To view with appreciation the fact that God doesn't need ME to move mountains- He's capable of that and more.

To notice how swiftly rushing water is created by melting snow high above us reminded me that God works behind the scenes in my life so that His timing is perfect.

To be able to breathe (despite the change in altitude) made me appreciate every breath I'm given each day.

I've been able to rest and be renewed. I've learned that I can do more things than I thought- I went horseback riding and didn't fall off; I survived whitewater rafting (the only doubt I had was when they handed me my wetsuit and expected me to be able to wriggle it on without needing CPR afterwards)!

I'm challenged to try new things now that I'm back home. I'll be blogging about it as I go along so stay tuned.

Oh, one more thing: I don't know if you think God uses symbolism in our life-lessons but I do. As we were driving down the highway in Colorado we were dive-bombed by an eagle! Seriously. It swooped so close to our windshield that both Don and I ducked. It then flew off and disappeared. We're still talking about it.

Observations

I've been talking with lots of parents these last few days who have the same concerns about their skills:

Are they too lenient?
Are they taking the right steps?
Will their children survive their childhoods?
Will they survive their children's adulthoods?

I'm on a fact-gathering mission at this time and it seems that most of us are in the same dilemma: Having peace that the decisions we have made or are presently making are the BEST for the future of our families.

Have hope, fellow parents!

Take each day as it comes. Be strong in your boundaries and in your own choices to benefit your legacy.

In the meantime...

Please notice that it's summer. Like, it's a good thing. Like, man, chill out.

Have a nice cool drink. Turn on the baseball game. Grill some grilly thingies.

Relax.

By the way, I will continue to do my research. And have some grilly things.

I will update soon.

When to Say 'When'

As our children get older and more independent, it's very difficult to recognize our need to construct new boundaries. Giving a 16 year-old a few bucks to enjoy a summer day at the pool with friends is far different from giving a 25 year-old money to do the same thing.

The former is intended as a treat to enjoy childhood. The second could result in delaying a smoother transition into adulthood.

Confusing? You bet.

The issue comes into play when we as parents struggle with letting our babies suffer.

Even if they're adults.

Think of your own passage into adulthood.

I can understand if your transition story is extraordinarily difficult. Many of my clients were treated harshly as teens and forced to give up their childhoods much too soon. If you're one of those folks, I'm sorry.

Yet we can't go to the opposite extreme and delay the natural maturing process in our children by keeping them dependent on us.

It sounds so heartless, especially since most of us parents usually have more expendable income. I mean, if we have it why shouldn't we share it with our kids?

Because it stunts their decision-making skills (e.g. "if I spend this money on fast food now I won't be able to go to the movies with my friends this weekend...").

It also teaches our children that they don't REALLY have to be inconvenienced (e.g. "I know this money is supposed to last all month but Mom always gives in and gives me more. I can spend this now and she'll help me out.").

What I suggest is that you look at the long-term goals you have for your kids.
Do you want them to be able to do without things and gain a sense of pride as they work to provide for themselves?

Here's the real question:

Is it more rewarding for you to have them rely (read:depend) on you than it would be to watch them be independent?

It's tricky, that's for sure.

For this week, try this:

Don't rush to step in for your adult children to make things easier for them. Allow yourself to watch them figure things out for themselves.

Sit on your hands, hide your wallet, bite your tongue.

Emotionally expect them to be able to make decisions and then live with those decisions.
Eventually they will be better off due to their improved decision-making skills.

And eventually, so will you.

Life After Parenting

As I mentioned in a previous blog entry, it's normal for parents to adapt to the interests of their children.

Believe me, I have no inherent interest in ska/punk music, nor is color guard a lifelong dream of mine.

Yet I have attended countless performances and soaked in endless conversations about the excitement and merit of each activity.

And I've enjoyed it tremendously.

But now I'm left with the challenge of discovering what it is I'd really like to do now that I'm my own person again.

Does this sound familiar to you?

I've actually had to begin jotting down ideas and possible hobbies or studies I'd like to pursue now that my full-time parenting job is on hiatus.
After spending some time to focus on my identity and accepting who I am, what I know, and what I'd still like to learn.

It's been a challenge.

I also discovered that all the limits I've put on myself as far as ministering to others have been lessened greatly; I don't have to rush home to pick up the kids or put them to bed. Many doors are opening to me.

One more thing.

I've noticed that I really like to get rid of stuff. Things I'd collected over the years thinking Kari or Ryan might want them (only to realize they never did and never would) are being purged. Crafts and hobbies that kept me busy at home are now being sent elsewhere.

This is cool except for the fact that most friends my age have the same mindset.

Maybe our joke should be to never leave your car door unlocked when your friends are house purging- you may end up with more dishes and figurines and books than you know what to do with! The Goodwill donation box and I are closely acquainted.

I suggest you begin making lists, trying new things and cleaning out the old things.
It will help you concentrate on your future interests.

But keep your car doors locked.

Loss of a Family Pet

The Wasoba family mourns the loss of our dear old dog, Barney. I want to thank everyone who has been reaching out to us in sympathy.
I know Barney was only a dog, but he was my canine companion for 17 years.
He showed me the value of just being there for someone.
I loved him so much and will miss him.

Barney Wasoba
5/1994-6/2011

Who We Are

As adults it's often difficult to know which pair of pants to wear:
Am I supposed to wear my 'mommy' pants, my 'daughter' pants or my 'spouse' pants?

Let me clarify that I'm not saying to wear your mommy's pants, daughter's pants, or spouses' pants.

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that our identity is often wrapped up in who we are to other people: I'm Bob's daughter, Bob Jr. and John's sister, Kari and Ryan's mom, Don's wife, and so on.

But being comfortable with myself as an individual is another matter. It feels kind of selfish to let me be Karen Wasoba (as awesome as that is...).

I've spent years submitting my own wants so that my family can flourish. Like most parents, Don and I have sacrificed for our children, whether it be time or money. It gets easier as time goes by.

Yet when we finally get the hang of it, the job description changes again. The kids have lives of their own, and now we'r free to do what we want to do.

Except I'm not the 25 year old young wife anymore and I'm not interested in most of the things I liked to do way back then (and NO, I'm not talking about plowing my fields or churning butter- I'm not THAT old!).

With many of us empty nesters it isn't a matter of picking up where we left off. It's a matter of re-inventing ourselves completely.

Daunting, yes, but not impossible.

Our experiences should give us confidence to know what it is we don't want to do.

That's right.

Not what we want to do because we haven't been there yet. But what we don't want to do because we've been there, done that.
Our challenge is to reach forward, to embrace new experiences, and to well, wear our own pants.

So as you think about your identity and who you are, give yourself permission to add some new things and toss out some old things. What have you learned and how have you grown as a person? What are your priorities? Interests?

I suggest that you take time thinking about who you are. Right now at this time in your life. What do you like and dislike? What have you always wanted to do (or NOT do)?

Write it down. Step away from it for a few days and then reread your answers.
Give yourself permission to accept who you and and who you're becoming.

Just think: you're designing your own pair of pants.

What Every Parent Needs as Empty Nesters

Have you ever noticed how little attention your work gets until you stop doing it? Much like housework, we perform some activities to simply please ourselves.

Seriously, don't most kids and husbands state that they don't really care if stuff is done around the house or if their socks match?

Until the regular dishes are stacked up in the sink (if they're lucky) and they've run out of paper towels to eat off. And little Joey got on the school bus wearing Janie's Hello Kitty socks.

That's similar to what I've encountered these last few weeks; even my dear hubby commented that I haven't been blogging lately.

And he never notices ANYTHING.

Several weeks ago I led a workshop entitled, "What Every Parent Needs" with an emphasis on empty nesting. I think the information was helpful and those in attendance seemed attentive (even though it began at 8 IN THE MORNING. The person scheduling this workshop must think all old(er)people get up before God does*).

So I'd like to pass this information on to you. I'm going to share this in several segments, so be prepared to take notes.

You will be quizzed later.

Empty nesting can be an emotionally challenging experience. As much as we might look forward to our children growing up and having their own lives it also means we have to have a life too. I know I've spent many hours dreaming of the day when I didn't have to drive carpool; I assumed I wouldn't have to worry anymore.

Then Kari and Ryan started driving themselves to school and I worried even more.

I imagined my own freedom and the opportunities I'd have to indulge in my own interests once the kids grew up and began their own lives.

Except over the years my interests had become what their interests were. There's nothing sadder than a band mom who has no practices to race their child to or real reason to sell Girl Scout cookies.

Not every parent transitions well; I cried Kari's entire senior year in high school. I would sob into my pillow every night, saying, "Babies aren't supposed to leave their Mamas..."

When we dropped her off at college I cried (actually whined) the whole car ride home.
I knew it had gotten out of hand when Ryan said, "I can understand how you feel, Mom, but that was ridiculous."

We've spent years mentally and physically invested in our children, only to be left clueless when they grow up and move on with their lives. Even the term 'empty nester' implies loss and even rejection. I prefer to think of this phase of life as 'winning the lottery.' It's the reward for many years of self-sacrifice.

Some parents feel at a loss as to what to do next. Like me, some of us aren't complete empty nesters because the kids are still occupying space (at least their stuff is- and their cats).

Some of us have adult children who live outside the home but haven't completely moved on from their childish behaviors and rely on us heavily. Many of us are now in the role of babysitter and errand runner while our kids struggle in entry level jobs.

The purpose of this article is to discuss various ways to transition into regaining our own individuality, finding renewed purpose in our lives, and using what we've learned to be a positive example for our friends and families.

But you'll have to wait for my next installment of this blog.

*Just a joke, relax.

More Painful Philosophy

Hey Everyone!

I've been slacking a bit on blogging, haven't I?

My reasons (excuses) are extensive and varied but it all comes down to this:

I've been trying to hibernate.

I don't know about you, but I consider myself a pretty strong and resilient person.

At least that's what I tell myself.

I can handle crisis and conflict, financial and even physical downturns.
I understand trials and realize they're (hopefully) temporary.

But once the real pain-physical, emotional or spiritual-hits I tend to take a tumble.
So here's where I expound eloquently about my concept of pain and the fact that I know God is still in control of my life:

It. Stinks.

Pain, that is.

But here's the thing:

I don't have to like it. I think anyone who isn't honest about their feelings about painful experiences is disrespecting the experience.

Lately several folks who hold a special place in my heart have been going through some terrible times.

Not unfortunate times or difficult times, but really gut-wrenching-I-may-not-live-through-this-or-even-want-to times.

And despite the fact I'm not personally experiencing this horror, in a big way I am.
And it hurts even second-hand.

So here's where my truthiness comes in:

It's awful and I'm hurting and I'm irritated and exhausted.

But all is not lost.

My reaction to pain is real but so is my response to the experience.
If I'm to learn something from it PLEASE let me learn it well.
Don't allow me to recoil from relationships lest I risk my own injury as I help others deal with theirs.
As a believer in Christ, it's phony to act all put-together when inside I'm falling apart.
So pain is real. My dear ones' experiences are real.

But God is Real-er.

Humor isn't for Sissies

Humor can be a tricky thing. What one person thinks is side-splitting hilarious the other person will think is dumb.

Tastes differ, that's for sure. I'm often dumbfounded by the glee dear hubby expresses when telling me a terrific joke he heard at work.

Long after the joke has been told I'm still waiting for the punchline.

For years I thought Don's taste in jokes was juvenile; he'll outgrow it and become 'sophisticated' like me, I've told myself.

I'm still waiting.

Then I discover that most men are the same way: men will tell tall tales and stories and jokes about body functions and mothers-in-law.

Women tell jokes about men.

Is there a type of fraternity these guys all belong to? Is that why they love 'The Three Stooges?'Is that why watching someone fall off a roof or get beaned by a baseball bat is rip-roaring good fun?

Why can't they be more like us girls? We enjoy true stories about what funny comment little Joey made while saying his nightly prayers. Puppy and kitty tales (tails?) are always welcome. And we would NEVER stoop so low as to laugh at the misfortune of someone else (ahem.)

We actually take it personally when our fella's joke flops.

What, doesn't he have any intelligence at all? What kind of person does he think I am that he thought I'd like that joke?

It reminds me that God must have a sense of humor; especially when we get all riled up about what WE think is right and wrong or what is appropriate.

Or funny.

I'm amused by my common belief that the world is meant to accommodate me and my opinions. Differences aren't simply unwelcome- they're downright WRONG!

I must concede that God has given us our individuality. If I criticize someone's taste in music or movies or humor I'm insulting the One Who put it there.

I'm saying that what they think or feel isn't valid yet I fight for my own right to think and feel (and laugh) the way I want to.

So funny is relative (and my relatives ARE funny...whacka whacka whacka).
The trick is to relax, smile a little, shake your head in disbelief and look at your unfunny loved ones in awe. Rejoice that at least YOUR jokes are brilliant, well thought out and skillfully delivered.

I hope to encourage dear hubby in his joke telling. Some day maybe he'll stand at a podium somewhere to deliver an important speech, beginning with a joke that will be repeated eagerly for many years to come.

Now THAT'S funny!

Why I Blog

It was initially a tough sell to get me to blog.

While I enjoy reading what other people write, the topics usually underwhelm me (Reading about how drunk someone got the night before or the descriptions of irritating relatives gets old).

Following the blogosphere I find myself wondering how someone can focus so many words and so much energy on...table settings. The merits of Grey's Anatomy. Whether flash frozen peas are as nutritious as fresh peas. Whether the major storms so far experienced in 2011 in the U.S. are due to global warming.

The topic possibilities are endless, as are the opinions expressed by anyone or everyone who possesses a computer and isn't afraid to use it.

It's intimidating to think my few comments could make an impression in the vastness of information available to us. Often I'm overwhelmed by the responsibility I've taken on to join the fray and express my own quirky perspective on life.

But I think it's necessary to go where the people are. I could be stubborn and do my little workshops and seminars and speak individually to anyone I can outrun.

But there are a lot of us who don't really know what we're looking for until we stumble upon it late at night. When it's quiet and we can't sleep. When we finally have time to listen to our own thoughts. So many times I've heard people say they were surfing the net and my blog caught their attention.

And it spoke to them, providing something that came at the right time.

It's intimidating to realize that people I don't know and may never get the chance to meet read my articles. They pass them along to friends and family.

It's cool, really.

I share the thoughts and experiences that teach me something. I figure if it meant something to me it could mean something to you, too.

I sure hope so.

So in the meantime, spread the word about this blog. The goofy stuff that happens to me I freely share with you. If nothing else, it might show you that weird stuff happens to all of us. Okay, maybe to ME more often but I'm still optimistic.

It's what we do with it and how we move on that makes our lives unique.

And that's why I blog.

Living a Balanced Life

We live in a life of extremes.

Extreme sports, extreme homes, extreme food.

There's a new TV show called "Extreme Couponing." I watched several episodes. While I admired the participants amazing results it saddened me. I wish these people would spend those coupon clipping hours on a few more relationally important things. I mean, how much free deodorant can one person or family use?

It seems as if we're expected to live our lives in an all or nothing attitude.
Push, strive, succeed.
All work no play.
All play no work.

No wonder most of us live on autopilot as we frantically attempt to please someone or no one. It's too much (or too little?).

I believe that most of us rush off headlong into one of these pursuits despite our friends, family and church telling us to cool it and chill out.

Somehow it doesn't seem right to be just...satisfied. We're supposed to want more.
Do more.

Be more.

Yet the opposite is true; we're not supposed to hyperfocus on only one aspect of living. True health and vitality is composed of variety in our lives that result in balance.

Balance of rest, work, play, relationships, fun, sunshine, God, giving and receiving. Leave any component out and we're at risk of spinning out of whack.
Keep it up and we'll eventually WHACK into something.

It's hard work to rest, be content and concentrate on the right priorities. But trying to recover from imbalance is even harder.

I challenge you to invest time in people, places, and things.

TV provides all sports channels, all shopping channels, all cooking channels but
ultimately, we control the remote.

The same is true for real life.

Balance includes and involves involvement; it lets people in and lets you get off the hamster wheel of over-achievement.

If you're going to strive, strive on making your life as healthy as possible. None of this extreme stuff is ultimately going to have meaning.

After all, when your life is over, you can't take all those coupons with you.

His Eye is on the Sparrow

A new family has taken residence at my residence.

A bird family.

Don't ask me what kind of bird; it has wings. And a beak.

And a nest firmly built in the eaves of my front porch.

Now this bird family is very interesting to me. I've watched this bird househunt a few weeks ago. Obviously she(?) wasn't happy with pre-existing homes so she decided to build one herself.

It's quite stylish, if I say so myself.
At least it's in a great neighborhood.

I've admired the focus with which this bird has gathered her materials and firmly attached them to this very narrow expanse of wood nailed overhead. I doubt there was much that could have deterred her from her task.

Now it seems as if the 'significant other' bird has arrived. Again, I'm not bird savvy so I don't know the common behaviors of this particular species of bird.

But I have noticed that they view us as an irritant; anything that disrupts their apparent plans for this nest ticks them off royally. They are not nonverbal birds.

While my human self sits on the front porch enjoying the weather, these chirpy critters make it clear I am simply not to have my way. I'm to surrender my own perch in favor of them having theirs.

They aren't aware of the actions I've taken to assure their safety; the chairs I've moved so our cats can't climb them to get at the nest or the different path we try to take so they aren't disturbed.

During a storm I've kept my eye on them but they don't know they have a protector.
I've watched for predators and been ready to shoo any danger away.I've been thinking about them quite a bit. For some reason it's important to me that they survive and thrive.

I've taken the role of protector and these scrawny bird-legged birds don't even know it.

No matter.

I'll continue my vigilance as long as this clan resides here. My nest is their nest.

So...
I go back to my own life and the similarities between these bird-brains and my own bird-brain.
How likely it is that the Head of the home I've chosen to dwell in watches over me.
How He moves some things out of my path so I'm protected. He keeps a vigilant eye on my comings and goings. He probably enjoys hearing my chirps too.

He's thrilled I've chosen to abide in his abode.

So...
Perhaps the next time I'm so focused on building and planning for the future I'll think of this birdie brood. I also have a Protector who is watching over me with care and delight.

I need to be more respectful of what God does in my life. I must learn to accept that my Protector watches over me, keeping me from some harm I might never see.

Hopefully I'll keep my scolding squawks to myself.

Stuff and Nonsense

It seems to me that most of us are either getting new stuff or getting rid of old stuff. But it's all stuff, after all.

Early in my marriage, I spent lots of mental energy wishing I had and trying to get.

Now that I'm older I find I'm clearing out and giving away.

Don't get me wrong- I like stuff. I like looking at it and I like using it.

But after while it seems as if all the stuff I've ever worked for and acquired over the years is, truly, only stuff.

Last week my dear daughter Kari decided to have a garage sale. So many of us say we don't have anything to sell or don't have the time to sort through the stuff we have in order to get rid of it.

Such was not the case here. We eagerly dug through and enthusiastically donated item after item for the sale.
It surprised me to realize how few possessions were really sentimental or useful to the family. Yet most items were acquired a piece at a time, if not deliberately, then purposely welcomed into our home.

Looking at this stuff spread out on tables for the garage sale, I realized that none of those things held any meaning for us.
How when we decided to sell them we cut all emotional ties with them.
And they became stuff.

The sale went well; it was fun to watch each buyer leave happily with some of my former stuff. I was glad to see my stuff become their new prize.

But it challenged me to be mindful of the next stuff I bring into the house.
Or into my mind.
Or into my heart.

It's vital we keep perspective on what we find valuable.
And what is just stuff.

Power of the Will

One thing you've probably noticed if you've been following my blog is that I enjoy laughing at myself.

I laugh at you, too, but you don't know that.

Anyway, what I think is really funny is how many excuses/reasons I have for explaining my actions. Depending on my own viewpoint I can reason away (aka excuse)anything.

If I want to do something I'll find a reason (It's the RIGHT thing to do, I want to show my support, etc.).

If I don't want to do it I'll find a reason (I don't 'feel led,' I'm overbooked, I'd be in the way...).

But today is a great example of overcoming true obstacles (I might have broken my toe yesterday falling over something- is 'puffy purple' a medical term?)

Earlier today Don and I found ourselves excitedly riding our bikes together on the Katy Trail. Against 20+ mph winds. Me with a severely bruised toe.

I found a way and managed to overcome real roadblocks. (Don didn't: apparently while I wasn't looking he turned his wheels wrong, took a ditch, and fell headlong over his handlebars. I saw him climbing back onto his bike after his tumble but was unfazed since he tends to fall down a lot).

So...

My will managed to ignore physical pain so I could do what I wanted to do. My stubbornness said those real obstacles weren't big enough to stop me.

My will pushed my thoughts beyond what I thought I could do; I actually forgot for a while that I had aches, pains, and pressing responsibilities.

My thoughts focused outward rather than inward.

So while I nurse my aches and pains (and Don's embarrassment)I'm energized by the ability God has given me to use the power of my will to enjoy life.

But boy, will I ever remember my limitations when I try to get out of bed tomorrow.

Especially if I don't WANT to get up.

In Honor of April Fools Day

I love pranks.

Not the pranks viewed on tv reality shows that delight in frightening or embarassing folks. I can't even watch those because it makes me uncomfortable. No one wants to be made to look foolish.

No, I love the pranks that push the envelope a little but show forethought and a little preparation. Like the old pink flamingos in the yard trick. And the forking the lawn trick. I think tp-ing the office is cute. I once saw an entire house wrapped in cellophane but there might have been a deeper reason for that...

A friend of mine once got into my office and replaced all my pictures with photos of her and her husband on a cruise. Her in a bathing suit. My shelf suddenly had sex manuals and viagra samples displayed on it. One time same friend took an unflattering photo I had given her (of me after having fallen asleep among some chocolate chips-indescribable) and had them made into Christmas cards.

THAT took planning!

When my best friend turned 40 I had an old grade school photo of her published in the local newspaper. We dressed up as grannies one year for our bosses' birthday; each patient brought him a sympathy card.

My most favorite prank occurred when my kids were in high school: One evening my son Ryan went to his car to fetch something. In a flash he was back inside laughing hysterically. "I've been PRANKED!" We all rushed outside to see the carnage; it was memorable.

While we were all inside the house that evening, someone had come up to our driveway, taped off a pattern on Ryan's hand-me-down car (blue 1992 Acclaim) and spray painted a fluorescent orange racing stripe along the hood, top, and trunk and added #7 to the side. We never realized it was happening.

Years later we learned that the culprit was a band-mate of Ryan's. It was awesome.

Ryan drove that car proudly for years afterwards.

The spirit of fun made the prank a good one. The display of good humor while shaking up normalcy a bit is almost flattering; I mean, only someone who really knew us would take the time to plan and follow through on something like that.

So on this April Fool's Day, think about someone you like, know, and want to kid a little. Grab the flamingos, cellophane, balloons, photos, spray paint (sparingly) toilet paper, plastic forks.

Then get out there and 'bless' somebody.

Making Assumptions

Well, Folks. Today was an interesting day.

When you consider the fact that it was my day off (read: day of REST) I sure overdid it. I found myself rushing around from appointment to appointment all day long.

And I don't regret a thing.

It's funny how caught up we get when we anticipate a situation. I find myself assuming someone is going to behave/react in a certain way and prepare for (dread) it.

Then when everything unfolds I'm often surprised and delighted by the result.

The stressors I expect didn't materialize

My fears are unrealized

My concern is unfounded.

After I process the experience I want to slap my forehead because I did what I warn my clients against:

I made assumptions.

I spent time today with several friends who I feared would sap my emotional strength and leave me depleted for the rest of the week.

Instead I felt refreshed as I interacted honestly with people I care about. And who care about me (I think).

It was cool.

So I'd like to offer the suggestion that making assumptions is likely to be a waste of time and energy. We tend to suffer proactively for things that may not happen at all.

So don't borrow trouble. Keep your ears, eyes, and heart open to what might actually happen.

Be willing to experience the experience as it unfolds.

Then your assumptions won't make a fool of you.

Soul Strength

These last few weeks have left me exhausted. Not so much physically; if you could see me at this moment I look downright serene!

But from the neck up and behind my furrowed brow there's a veritable tornado swirling around me as I review these last few days.

I have to do this almost every weekend as I release the stresses and frustration and allow the joys and blessings to seep back in.

It's a real lifesaver for me.

God uses the storms and pressures to strengthen me in ways I could never imagine. I also would never willingly choose some of these experiences.

Yet when I have my 'review weekends' I'm brought to one major conclusion:
God always provides a strength of soul to endure our trials.

How many times have you had an emergency, stress, or major conflict and you handled it?
Somehow, someway, you automatically endured, aided, soothed, cared for someone else.
No thoughts of yourself (at least not too many) and you were only in the moment to do what you had to do.

Then afterward when you can really process the experience, you realize you did...fine. You managed, coped, participated in a meaningful way.

That's soul strength.

Soul strength is a confirmation that you have become stronger than you ever thought you could.

Or that was ever possible for you.

Soul strength says that what God has said all along about Him being your strength and shield applied to you too. Not just the 'other guy' but YOU.

So rest along with me, my friends. Process this last week and acknowledge the times when you handled something well. Recharge, renew, and go into next week knowing that whatever you encounter God will give you the soul strength to handle it.

A Matter Of Semantics

'I don't mind' vs. 'I don't care.'

Simply stated, what you say may not be what I hear.

I'm often surprised by how befuddled some people are when they get into conflict with their spouses. It's usually men, but women are not immune to feeling shocked when their seemingly innocent comment gets blown out of proportion. Then an argument ensues and the 'offender' feels misunderstood.

So let me clear a few things up.

It's NOT okay to say the phrase 'I don't care' when your spouse/significant other asks you:
what you think
where you two should go
what should be worn
or when asked your deepest opinion about something heartfelt.

For example, say your dearie has made big decisions that involve you in some way.
Lots of consideration has gone into it. Choices have been made. Money has been spent.
All that's left is to reveal the decision to you and for you to offer encouragement and affirmation.

You are speechless. It's a cool thing, what's been decided. You really do appreciate it but you don't know how to express yourself.

Sweetie nervously asks you if there's a problem. Don't you like the decision? Was it wrong or right? Was there a mistake?
"I don't care."

I know what you're really trying to say is that it's great, awesome, unbelievable. You want to express your joy and disbelief. You want to appear willing but then you hear yourself say "I don't care."

Here comes the battle.

Darling doesn't hear "I don't care" as "this is wonderful and I'm glad you thought of it and I'm thrilled." Darling hears "I don't care" as "It doesn't matter what you do or say I'm unaffected and unimpressed. "

Perhaps the best suggestion I can offer is to replace "I don't care" with "I don't mind."

They mean different things, don't you think?

When I hear "I don't mind" I don't feel put down and dismissed. While the substitution isn't perfect it doesn't engender as much aggravation and stress. It's not inflammatory, nor does it tend to be interpreted as a total shut down.

As I've said in previous blogs, we have to be careful what we say. We need to filter ourselves and be open to possible misunderstandings. Be willing to reformat how you communicate with those who mean the most to you.

Choose your words carefully; if not, next time your Cutie won't care if you mind or not.

New Personal Goals

I used to have these wild fantasy's that someday I'd be rich and famous.

Now my biggest goal is to not be featured in a 'Seen at Wal-Mart' photo email.

Funny Thing About Getting Old

I've made some interesting observations about what it's like to get old(er).

It ain't all that bad, really.

Who would have ever imagined living to be eligible for senior citizen discounts without showing your ID? I'm at the age where the only time I get carded is when some muscle-bound security guy at a music venue wants to make me feel good about myself; either that or he doesn't want me to feel left out being the only person there NOT being carded!

At any rate, getting on in years isn't as negative as one might think. I don't rush out to buy the newest fashion trends since odds are I already have something like it in my closet from decades ago. Admittedly, shopping isn't as fun as it once was because I often feel like I've seen all this stuff before (when I could fit into it). Daughter Kari once asked me why I didn't keep some of the clothes I wore in the '70's. I told her, "Honey, it was ugly then and it's ugly NOW."

Even my career as a counselor benefits because with age comes wisdom. Since I'm over 40 (just barely), married and have adult children I'm seen as more credible. Maybe I should build a cabin on a mountaintop for people to seek me for all my sage advice (I'd better practice sitting cross-legged).

What makes growing older the most fun is this:

My friends are growing old along with me.

We can laugh together and understand what we're talking about. We can hassle the cute waiters at restaurants without fear of seeming creepy. We can make numerous trips to the bathroom and no one bats an eye.

Yes, aging has its downside but we won't worry about that today. When the gloomies get us we know we can blame it on hormones and hot flashes. We can call a do-over when we've said or done the wrong thing.

So getting older isn't all that bad. It's made me appreciate my parents and those in my life who've been here before. What they've said and done makes a bit more sense now.

I'm going to sign off now. I'm heading to the mall to snag some senior citizen discounts. I hear they've got a great deal going on support hose and Depends.

Dreams Become Reality

I hope not.

If that's true then my reality will soon involve returning to my old college and trying to find the class I've somehow been skipping for 30 years. I'll have to be the star in a play I don't know the lines to. I will search in vain for a pair of culottes (don't ask) to wear to an important church meeting.
More currently, if my dreams become my reality I'll be able to fly without assistance, will be sleeping in the hallway in a fancy resort and will drive a semi truck from the back seat.

I worry sometimes when I recall my dreams when I awaken. What on earth must be going on in my mind before I go to bed? In my dreams I'm always late, unprepared, lost, or confused.

The truth is, our dreams very seldom predict anything about our reality. Since our brains don't stop functioning while we sleep, the events and meanings of the day often continue to course through our brain waves. What we see as frightening often means transition; reliving memories serves to enable us to move on. Suffocation or trying to squeeze through a tight space means the cat is sleeping on your face.

Sometimes it's a relief to wake up and realize it's all been a dream. Those are the dreams I find myself thinking of throughout the day until I admit I'm grateful that none of the terrible things that happened are true: my dear ones are still alive, I haven't lost the dog, and I don't have to move out of the house I've lived in for 20 years.

My favorite dreams involve feeling loved and blessed; I'm relating to people I love and respect. There's always yummy food and lots of it. I'm somehow given permission to enjoy my life and bask in the relationships with which I've been blessed.

Oh, yeah. And I'm wearing pants.

To Those Who Grieve

Mere words can't describe how it must feel to lose someone dear to you. And mere words can't convey our sympathy and sorrow at your loss.

At times like this it's fear of saying or doing the wrong thing that keeps most of us silent; we don't know how to fix it. We can't take your pain away, nor can we fully understand the extent of how you must hurt.

Please know that we don't think it's fair either. It doesn't fit our grand scheme of life that someone who is a 'good guy' should be taken while others who are 'not so good' are left behind.

So forgive us if we say the wrong thing to you right now, or worse yet, don't say anything at all.

For me, it's because I don't want to disrespect your trauma. I don't want to overwhelm you with trite comments or anger you by telling you this event is God's Will.

No one really knows why this was allowed to happen.

So please know that you and your family are in our prayers. We will limp alongside you as you struggle to make sense of it all.

Let your friends and family grieve with you.

That's all we can do right now.

Feedback and Suggestions

I'm really intrigued by how this blog works.
Apparently if I write something over here in St. Louis, anyone in the world with a computer can access it.
How cool!
So far I've had readers from Russia. Brazil, Malaysia, Canada, and far away states here in America. I hope my thoughts and suggestions are useful but I may never know.
That's why I'm asking for suggestions.
What topics are important to you? Where am I hitting the mark and what isn't helping?
I'm speaking from my heart each time I blog, praying that someone will be blessed or motivated by what I write. I do care about my readers, even the ones I'll never meet.
So help me out here, gang.
While I continue writing what I feel God has given me, feel free to let me know how I can help you. Let me know if I'm hitting the target once in a while.
Thanks for reading and I look forward to hearing from you.

Purpose of Pain

I am not a masochist.
The idea of purposely hurting myself seems ridiculous;I don't even pluck my eyebrows due to the discomfort.

However, that's not to say I don't recognize when pain is necessary:

I go to the doctor for injections so I can feel better
I go to the dentist for a filling so I am healthier and improve my appearance
I move away from a bad relationship with no future
I change jobs or location to invest in a new and better life.

Over the years I've heard many complaints about how upset/angry people are that there is pain in their lives. I feel for them, I really do. I've experienced enough sleepless nights trying to figure it out, come up with an explanation, and even negotiate with God in an effort to escape pain myself.
I've come to this conclusion: Very few of us would willingly make changes, move ahead, take care of ourselves, surrender our will if we had our say in the matter. We just wouldn't. No one I know suffers willingly.
But once the pain has been experienced and it's all behind us, we admit it somehow helped us:
Our tooth no longer hurts
The fever is broken
I'm attracting healthier people into my life
The new job/location is so ME.

The next time (or maybe right now) you're facing pain consider this:
It's a passageway to get you over THERE.
There is a light and a purpose. A benefit you don't see yet.
But you will, I promise.

Spring is Coming!

Although Dave Murray, our local weatherman, says St. Louis will experience several 'false Springs' this year I am encouraged.

Yes, there are signs of Spring everywhere, from the pre-teens walking around sleeveless (oh, to be young again) to the clogged gutters on my house.

But I realize it's all temporary; we're not out of the woods as far as freezing rain and still more snow. That's when we wonder if the darkness will ever end. Will it ever be warm again?

This all too brief sunlit day is giving me enough hope to tough it out.

It's a reminder that soon, soon, soon, we'll have light, warmth and growth.

We can hang in there. We have hope and encouragement.

Let's bring these thoughts back to our everyday experiences:

When it feels dark and cold and dead we can be strong (or stubborn) enough to hang tight until the Spring comes. And it will come.

Soon.

Our Lives Are Stories in the Making

When trials strike it feels like time stops.

We are numb to our experiences; tomorrow has no meaning. Sometimes all we can do is remind ourselves to keep breathing.

We've all been dealt blows that force us to curl up into a fetal position and pray it's all a bad dream.

We already know it's a nightmare.

We're shocked to discover that almost everyone else's lives go on. They can keep on with their daily routines without thinking much about it. The world is still spinning while we feel ours has stopped. Frankly, it ticks me off that the sun still rises and falls when I'm suffering.

I don't want to make light of anyone's trauma. I just want to offer this thought:

The story isn't over.

Looking back over the worst chapters in my life, I realize now that they were merely a part of where I am and who I have become.

The same is true for all of us when we reflect on our past.

If THIS hadn't happened then THAT wouldn't have happened and I wouldn't be HERE.

So let me offer hope to anyone who feels stunted or trapped by their circumstances.

God knows what He's doing even if it seems pointless. His view of us and His decisions are based on an eternal perspective. Hope says keep going. Keep the story moving forward.

Because the story is still being written.

Texting is Trouble

A texting glitch nearly cost me a good friendship today.

For a long time I've ranted about the aggravations technology brings to our lives. I've referred to my experiences in a previous blog. I've spoken of it humorously but it really isn't funny.

Many relational arguments are created by websites, chat rooms, Facebook, instant messages and texts. Anger/hurt due to misunderstandings often create rifts between people that can be nearly impossible to close. We assume the wrong was intentional and don't ask for clarification.

We've been taught to believe technology over the word of a human being. Protestations of innocence are drowned out by irrefutable(?) facts; if there's a difference of opinion then there must be deliberate deception.

I want to suggest that technology isn't always foolproof; my experience today convinced me.

I had made plans with my friend earlier in the week and we needed to firm up our plans for today. So I texted her around 6:00 p.m. last night. I was slightly surprised as the evening went on that I hadn't heard from her.

Still hearing nothing, I went to bed around 11 p.m., assured we'd make plans in the morning.

My cellphone burped and chirped @ about 1:15 a.m. relating a message that scolded me for not contacting her and that she was going to bed. I got another text this morning telling me she was letting me off easy because I'd upset her (and woke her up) by texting her at 1:30 a.m.

Only... I was asleep at 1:30 and had sent that message at 6p.m. and she was just now getting it.

So here she was, upset and unable to get back to sleep due to a delayed message. I'm sure she was imagining all sorts of evil against me (at 1:30 in the morning who wouldn't?) because I was so thoughtless.

When we did meet this morning we both held up our cellphones and looked at each other's times and messages to confirm what had happened.

It turns out that we had BOTH messaged each other at about the same time and neither one of us got our texts in a timely manner. Forcing ourselves to discuss it helped us both to be able to confirm what really happened.

We got to talking about how many relationships are damaged because of a delay in transmissions, each person feeling hurt and disrespected. It convinces me that we must fight to maintain control over technology and that we need to be willing to listen to conflicting stories.

So here's the thing. How many times have we assumed that machines can't lie? That someone is trying to fool or cheat us? That we are being made a fool of?

How many times have we been told otherwise and we've refused to believe it?

Take my suggestion: Double check what you see vs. what you are told. Talk it over and respect your relationships by listening and being willing to accept inconsistencies. Be willing to consider that technology may be wrong.

After all, didn't man create the machines?

Blessing Journal

Lately I've noticed how easily we focus on the irritations and crummy things that happen to us throughout our day; the green lights missed and the coffee spills on the furniture. What we forget is that for every negative occurrance there are probably three or more positive experiences we overlook.

That is why I strongly suggest we all keep a blessings journal.

A blessings journal is a special notebook for each person to keep. It can be as simple as the back of an envelope or as formal as a leather bound notebook kept under lock and key.

The point of the journal is to record the blessings, or positive experiences, each day brings.

Now I know some of you are saying, "Oh, Karen, I barely have time to brush my teeth and you expect me to have time to sit down and write into a journal every day?"

Not exactly. I can't sit down for an extended length of time and write in flowery language each and every thing I observe. That would last...not at all.

I can't do it.

But I can grab my journal and write:

Lunch with Bernice.
Sale on mukluks.
Exfoliation successful.

What I notice in people who have begun a journal is that their outlook is beginning to change. They are looking for entries to put into their book. They begin to notice when something happens they would normally overlook. Good stuff.

What follows is a change of heart and attitude that does a lot for their state of mind. I've seen the most negative person motor along with a lift in their spirit as they keep their eyes up rather than down.

One of the greatest thing about keeping a journal is that when things do turn dark and we stumble, we can reread our blessing entries and be reminded that life is good after all. It gives us strength to keep going and expect the tide to turn once more.

I want you to try my idea and see what you think. Keep a list for a few days and reflect on how you feel at the end of the allotted time. It can be simple and you don't have to share it with anyone.

I guarantee you will feel more energized and hopeful. You might even find yourself logging comments made by friends and family wondering what has caused your change of heart.
And wouldn't THAT be a blessing?