What it Takes to Be a Counselor

I thought I'd exhausted the topic of counseling with my prior blog entries. I've already discussed why counseling is important, why you should seek counseling and what to expect at a session.

But I really need to address one more important concept:

What it takes to be a counselor.

It's an interesting phenomenon; most of us simply don't understand the interests or passions of others. There are introverts and extroverts, thrill-seekers and folks who just enjoy weekends at home with their recliners and remote controls.

After counseling 10+ years I'm convinced we therapists are thought to be in the same category as dentists:

"I could never do what you do," is a phrase I hear quite often.

Those of us who feel that being a counselor is akin to a 'calling' are often surprised that not everyone would be as thrilled to be in our shoes as we are.

It does take a certain type of person to counsel- someone who has most likely experienced pain in life and has somehow survived it. It doesn't take an intellectual introvert (I am neither of those), or someone who knows how to fix everyone's problems (I think I do but my family has convinced me that I DON'T know everything!).

What it takes is the ability to encourage people whatever the issue and teach them better ways to handle obstacles. Encouragement allows the person to freely think and feel without fear of criticism.

Another vital trait is acceptance. Fear of criticism keeps many people paralyzed in their lives. Knowing that their therapist will listen no matter what and accept them on good days and bad days is invaluable.

I have been on both sides of the counseling desk just as most therapists have; I have been helped immeasurably by therapy. I realized that I could use my enthusiasm and yes, even pain, to guide other people who felt trapped by the same problems. I understood immediately that my own healing, if you will, made me able to help others in similar situations.

Counselors are a weird bunch. Now, those of you who take themselves seriously know I'm not referring to you...

but the rest of us enjoy being involved in peoples' lives. We care deeply about our clients and their families and friends. We think about them when we aren't at work.

But one thing we choose to accept is that we can't solve anything FOR our clients. We can't make life-changing decisions FOR them. So we practice leaving our concerns at the office. It requires a measure of toughness to do so.

There was a time, not too long ago, when I couldn't leave my work at work. My empathy-meter got overloaded and my work suffered. I thought I was being a caring helper but soon discovered that my lack of objectivity was actually harming my clients.

I'll be sharing that experience in my next blog update.

One last thought: I remember interviewing my own counselor, Dr. Dan Wilkinson, regarding his own attitude about therapy. He smiled at me, chuckled, and said it was "as easy as breathing."

Since I was new to my studies and very challenged I thought he must have been especially gifted to feel that way.

Now that I've a few years of counseling experience, I know exactly what he meant.