Be Careful What You Say

Relationships can be confusing. If you're in one, have been in one, are heading toward one, or know someone whose in one you know what I mean.

One of the most difficult aspect of relating to someone else is being able to trust them, or to believe what they say over time.

I say that because I often observe the different stages of people in their relationships, from the initial 'are you for real because you're so wonderful' all the way to the 'you expect me to believe you for real?' stage.

We build our knowledge of our loved ones based on what they say and do. We want to know that our information is accurate so we can have a consistent picture of them. We look for traits and attitudes we admire.

So what happens when there is a disconnect between what they say and what they do? What if they are very opinionated yet very inconsistent in their own lives?

For example, I once knew a very conservative business owner who was definitely the head of the household. He had high standards for his family and they were very faithful in church participation. I admired them for their consistency.
Until I learned that in his business he sold cigarettes and alcohol along with his other products.

Now I don't want you to think I'm being judgmental; I simply wondered if I really knew this family- if this inconsistency was acceptable to them what else was I missing?

Recently I have heard stories of spats between couples because he doesn't want her to go out with her friends. She feels he's being controlling and disapproving of these friends.

She has forgotten about all the times he has listened to her gripe and complain and vent about these same friends to him; if he loves her he will feel protective and want to shield her from such negativity and bad influences.

Then she turns around and wants to go out with them and expects his blessing!

How confusing.

So it makes me wonder how many times I've been too liberal in my opinions and who I shared them with. How many times I've painted a black picture about people or things and then turned around and embraced them. Am I giving those who love me the wrong idea about me? Am I doing it so often they push me away because they can't believe anything I say anymore?

We need to filter what we say. Not out of over-protectiveness but rather, is it really true or a spur of the moment temper tantrum? Am I ultimately lying?

In this year of taking personal responsibility let me challenge you to consider your comments and behavior. Make sure you live what you believe. Don't expect your loved ones to know what you mean- say what you mean.

And then live what you mean.