Responsible and Unhappy

Anyone who states that growing up is fun hasn't grown up yet. Take it from someone who has delayed the process as long as possible.

There have been a lot of decisions I've had to make within the last several weeks that, if I'd been able to stay irresponsible, would have suited me just fine.

However, there comes a time when each of us has to stand firm and be....

Responsible.

I really value what I do. I feel blessed (and lucky) to be able to do something that has meaning; I have fun counseling and I enjoy connecting with people who need guidance.

But lately I've found that what I do involves responsibility to do what is necessary even when it's easier not to.

For example, it's waaaaay easier to buy new socks than to wash the dirty ones I already own. It's easier to go out for fast food than to cook. And it's easier to be a 'yes man' than to stand up for what is the best thing.

I always assumed that being obedient to God meant everything was going to be smooth. I pictured the Mary Engelbreit-type poster with the rosy-cheeked mom in a cute little cottage baking heart-shaped cookies.

She looked happy even though her clothes didn't match.

But I'm learning that obedience is sometimes aggravating and painful. My clothes match and I'm not all that pleased about it...

Anyway, I admit I'm a late bloomer. I just now (I qualify for senior citizen discounts at McD's) feel comfortable in my life. I've made it an art to be clueless to avoid making choices.

But it's painful to stay oblivious. To suddenly be made aware of facts that have been there all along hurts a lot.

I can't opt to choose happiness at the expense of responsibility. Someone suffers either way. I can only cling to the fact that my belief in God's direction will win out.

Maybe then I can be happy that I've chosen to be responsible.