Telling Yourself the Truth

While it's a challenge to identify the need to tell the truth and then actually do it, I find it even more difficult to be truthful when the culprit is ME.

Sure, I can admit my wrongdoing when I drop and break something or forget an appointment. Those snafus are obvious to anyone who lives and breathes.

In fact, I'm pretty comfortable apologizing to my friends and loved ones since I have to do it so often; maybe I should get some fancy 'oops' cards printed and just hand them out en masse when I do make a mistake. That would save a lot of energy on everyone's part.

However, what do we do when we know we've really stuck our foot in our mouths, said or did the wrong thing, and there were serious repercussions? Feelings are crushed and relationships are mangled.

After we've worked hard to fix the error there are the inevitable consequences:

The dish is still broken,

The words are still floating in the air after having been said in anger,

The heart is still bleeding although not quite as badly.

Our tendency is to put the episode behind us as if it never happened. We try to pretend everything is cool, although there is a tension in the air as if we're waiting for tragic news.

In essence, we try to move ahead from a painful experience by...lying.

It's okay,

We'll be okay,

I'm okay.

When enough time has lapsed we begin the healing process by excusing our behavior. We try to justify what we said and did. When that doesn't work we start blaming the other person; they made me mad, they don't understand my wonderfulness, they should be grateful I didn't say what I WANTED to say...

But really, let's stop here and finally get real. Face it.

Be willing to pick up the burden of acknowledging that you (yes, YOU)were....wrong.

Wrong

Wrong

Wrong

Oxford Complete Wordfinder defines the word in part: 'to be mistaken, not true, in error, amiss, out of order, treat unjustly, do something wrong to.' And so on.

But here's the thing. To admit wrong doing is not the same thing as rolling around in sackcloth and ashes. No one is expecting you to publicly whip yourself in repentence.

How pointless and tedious it would be to have you endlessly apologize ("Ma, you burned the spaghetti sauce in 1992. Really, it's time to move on already.").

By telling yourself the truth you are making a point that you are teachable and that you can change. That you have character and are willing to take the bad news, internalize it to the point where you grow and then can forgive yourself for what you said or did.

I hate the thought of going through a tough time and not learning anything from it. That means the next time (and oh, brother, there will be a next time) I mess up perhaps it won't be so devastating because I'll have learned from the last time. Otherwise I'm just continually trying to walk through a locked door.

That bumping sound you hear is my head endlessly hitting the wall.

Tell yourself the truth. Demonstrate in your own life how you'd like others to react when they're confronted with truth.

Take a deep breath. Let it out. State internally what you did in this situation. List it and acknowledge to yourself and to God that you blew it.

Allow yourself to experience the regret you feel and the sadness you are experiencing for a short time. Be thoughtful and considerate of the events that just occurred.

Here's the tough part. Get up, keep going.

But leave the burden of guilt and judgement behind. By telling yourself the truth and dealing with it, you've just released yourself from that weight.

Accept that fact and consider yourself older and wiser.