Who We Are

As adults it's often difficult to know which pair of pants to wear:
Am I supposed to wear my 'mommy' pants, my 'daughter' pants or my 'spouse' pants?

Let me clarify that I'm not saying to wear your mommy's pants, daughter's pants, or spouses' pants.

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that our identity is often wrapped up in who we are to other people: I'm Bob's daughter, Bob Jr. and John's sister, Kari and Ryan's mom, Don's wife, and so on.

But being comfortable with myself as an individual is another matter. It feels kind of selfish to let me be Karen Wasoba (as awesome as that is...).

I've spent years submitting my own wants so that my family can flourish. Like most parents, Don and I have sacrificed for our children, whether it be time or money. It gets easier as time goes by.

Yet when we finally get the hang of it, the job description changes again. The kids have lives of their own, and now we'r free to do what we want to do.

Except I'm not the 25 year old young wife anymore and I'm not interested in most of the things I liked to do way back then (and NO, I'm not talking about plowing my fields or churning butter- I'm not THAT old!).

With many of us empty nesters it isn't a matter of picking up where we left off. It's a matter of re-inventing ourselves completely.

Daunting, yes, but not impossible.

Our experiences should give us confidence to know what it is we don't want to do.

That's right.

Not what we want to do because we haven't been there yet. But what we don't want to do because we've been there, done that.
Our challenge is to reach forward, to embrace new experiences, and to well, wear our own pants.

So as you think about your identity and who you are, give yourself permission to add some new things and toss out some old things. What have you learned and how have you grown as a person? What are your priorities? Interests?

I suggest that you take time thinking about who you are. Right now at this time in your life. What do you like and dislike? What have you always wanted to do (or NOT do)?

Write it down. Step away from it for a few days and then reread your answers.
Give yourself permission to accept who you and and who you're becoming.

Just think: you're designing your own pair of pants.